[mum2jp]

I am christened but was not brought up going to church. I do class myself as a christian, if asked what religion i am. DH is religious, he has strong faith and believes when you pass away you go to rest in a better place. This seems to bring him and other people i know with faith comfort when having lost someone. I want to believe i really do. I wish i had faith but i just can't without any doubts believe 100%. I love the idea and hope in my heart it is true but i have no way of convincing myself of this. I hate that i always feel this doubt, i tell my young son that people have gone to heavan and i feel like i am telling half truths as i don't fully believe this myself.

[Saecularis Angel...]

I think it can help you deal with loss, but it's complicated.

On one level, death is the ultimate confrontation with meaninglessness, and I think that's where faith helps because faith is - in part - about finding meaning.

But at the same time, everybody - faithful or not - grieves. And faith doesn't take grief away or make it any less hard, although sometimes it helps you find meaning in your grief. Sometimes people of faith make the mistake of thinking that their faith means that they shouldn't or don't have to grieve, and their faith can actually become an obstacle to something they need to do for their own well being.

Maybe it would help you to do some reading on ideas about heaven, and see if you can identify which bits seem helpful to you, and which you would reject? Being less vague about what "fits" for you and why might help you reduce the doubt?

[countrymel]

My Dad had a strong faith - but he seems to have lost it completely along with Mum.

He was doing CPR on her for quite a long time when she had her heart attack - and they were trapped by a storm and blocked roads so no medical help could reach them.

My sister and I suspect her asked his God for help and feels that he didn't come. Now he can't forgive him.

He cannot understand why God would take this wonderful woman from him, and from us. It is so very sad to witness.

[in(s)ane]

I was agnostic before my daughter died. Her loss has shattered any beliefs I may have had about a god or heaven (was brought up Catholic). I now consider myself an atheist.

I feel deeply envious of those who have faith and who genuinely believe in a heaven or life after death; they often seem to have a measure of peace about death. I wish I could bring myself to believe that my beautiful daughter still existed somewhere and that I will see her again and get to hold her. But I just don't. I found it incredibly hard to accept this about myself.

[Ehubrydd]

OP have you considered taking a leap (of faith ) and asking God in prayer for the gift of faith? It can't hurt, right?

[Owl_Little_Girls]

I think it can help you deal with loss, but it's complicated.

On one level, death is the ultimate confrontation with meaninglessness, and I think that's where faith helps because faith is - in part - about finding meaning.

But at the same time, everybody - faithful or not - grieves. And faith doesn't take grief away or make it any less hard, although sometimes it helps you find meaning in your grief. Sometimes people of faith make the mistake of thinking that their faith means that they shouldn't or don't have to grieve, and their faith can actually become an obstacle to something they need to do for their own well being.

Maybe it would help you to do some reading on ideas about heaven, and see if you can identify which bits seem helpful to you, and which you would reject? Being less vague about what "fits" for you and why might help you reduce the doubt?

Great post.

When I lost my mum, my faith grew. To some point I think it was because I wanted to believe she wasn't alone. While we grieved for the loss of such a beautiful person, and still do, she is no longer in such awful pain. For me, knowing she is no longer feeling that, helped in a small way. I also have faith that one day we will meet again.

This post has been edited by Owl_Little_Girls: 03/12/2012, 09:03 PM

[Ehubrydd]

I was agnostic before my daughter died. Her loss has shattered any beliefs I may have had about a god or heaven (was brought up Catholic). I now consider myself an atheist.

I feel deeply envious of those who have faith and who genuinely believe in a heaven or life after death; they often seem to have a measure of peace about death. I wish I could bring myself to believe that my beautiful daughter still existed somewhere and that I will see her again and get to hold her. But I just don't. I found it incredibly hard to accept this about myself.

I'm so sorry your daughter died

[mitty82]

I dont really say i have faith, Im not sure I even believe in God as such but I think there is a heaven or something greater. I guess I feel I have to believe it cos it would hurt to much to think that after our loved ones die they are no longer in any way or form.

I was in yr 4 when i lost my younger sister didnt really know what happened or was happening. I have since lost my lovely grandfather and then my oldest brother committed suicide so therefore i couldnt blame god.

Not even a year after we lost my FIL and then my grandmother and just recently my husbands aunt who was more like my grandmother. And I just dont know about god, after we got the news Sunday morning about our lovely Aunt I turned to my husband and asked him 'why do all the good ones go, why?''.
I do believe there is a heaven and they are all up there partying and enjoying themselves waiting and watching us live until we get to see them again.

It is the only thing I can hold onto at the moment.

[natangel]

My mother has. It gave her a profound sense of comfort and peace when she was facing her own mortality. We (the family) were hysterical with fear, but she was unafraid, the epicentre of calm. Her faith informs every part of her life and she wasn't going to abandon or question it when things turned bad.

[eyesabove]

I have been a strong Christian for many years.

Since my brother died earlier this year (also a strong Christian) I have experienced very similar issues to what Ange has described. I am grieving, but I also have the assurance of my faith. It doesn't change my grief or the depth of my feelings or loss, but I have a different view on the eternal nature of that loss.

Yes, my faith helps, but yes, it is complicated. If there wasn't the potential for doubt, then it wouldn't be faith.

I think Ange has a good suggestion here. All the best OP.