[Curious123]

I'm shaking as I write this. We were having dinner at my in-laws and DS2 was climbing on me, giving me cuddles and fluffing around. When all of a sudden he bit my arm. He clamped his little teeth (through clothing) on such a small piece of skin, but it felt like he was biting it off. I didn't even scream, I just tapped him and then had to smack him to get him to let go. I can't believe I did it, I wasn't even thinking. I have NEVER done this before, with him or his 5 year old brother. I don't think it was hard, he seemed a little shocked, but straight away smiled and hugged me - I was in such a state, trying not to cry at the table. Everyone thought I was upset about the bite, but it was about my reaction. They all think I'm overreacting (MIL used to smack) and DH has just rolled his eyes and told me to get over it - he doesn't understand why I'm so upset. It's just that I simply don't do this. I yell at the kids, more than I should, and then feel super guilty and hate doing it, but it's usually a case of having to either break up a fight from across the room, or I've asked them 20 times to stop etc.

I'm so upset. I feel like this is because I'm not really coping at the moment. I have hardly slept in 3 days, there is so much going on in our lives atm (my mum has a virus and I'm cooking for her and trying to take care of her, my sister has had an operation and the wound is infected, so I'm trying to help out with her kids, I work part time, which has been really busy since another member of the team resigned, we're usually quiet this time of year, and all the usual Christmas chaos of parties, gatherings etc has started). I am crying as I write this because this is not the mum I am supposed to be - I don't want to discipline my children like this.

Sorry, I just needed to get it off my chest.

[~ky~]

You're tired, you snapped.

Forgive yourself, give your 2yo a big cuddle (but don't start with "Mummy was all wrong etc" as they shouldn't have bitten) and then move on.

It's not like you have abused your child. Sometimes, they need a reminder to let go and in this case, a smack was the quickest way to stop more damage being done.

[niggles]

Go try to get a good nights sleep and I'm sure you'll feel better about it in the morning.

And try not to read too much into it. He was hurting you and you reacted to stop him. It doesn't mean you have to change your approach to parenting if you don't want to. Don't sweat it.

[Escapin]

The odd smack isn't going to ruin him for life OP. However, your reaction to the situation, and you saying that you yell and then feel terrible does suggest that you aren't having much fun at the moment. Have you thought about doing some parenting classes to learn some other strategies? Or talking to your GP?

Having kids isn't supposed to be fun all the time, but it doesn't sound like you're having any fun Hope things get better for you soon.

[Sinister Bonnet]

I am a rabid anti-smacker. Rabid. Foam at the mouth anti.

It sounds like you reacted in a situation where you didn't have many options and it sounds like you need to forgive yourself and cut yourself some slack and move on. Hell, I'm not sure I would not have smacked in that situation, given the toothing and the lack of letting go.

[ASDivine]

Sounds like a reflex rather than an actual planned smack.

This post has been edited by ASDivine: 03/12/2012, 05:31 AM

[Bottom]

I'm also rabidly anti smack, but read this and totally understood your feelings. I shouted at my two year old the other night- first time, and something I thought I would never do. I yelled at him to go to sleep as it was after midnight and he had woken up wanting to play. I was exhausted and after about an hour of being patient and reading to him I snapped and raised my voice. I felt so guilty immediately after and all the next day I kept welling up with tears. I honestly do not know how parents smack and shout on a regular basis- I would be a basket case filled with oppressive guilt! Don't worry too much. You child will be fine. My son did get upset when I yelled but he was fine after a few minutes and I don't think he remembers it- the next day he was sweet as ever.
I will certainly be more vigilant at keeping my frustration intact if he pulls a playful wake up midnight game again- I know it was because I was tired and didn't take deep breathes and get a hold of myself that I yelled at him, and hopefully it won't happen again. Yelling and smacking is pointless and not necessary, but sometimes it does happen almost by accident:). Hopefully it will never get to the point where I accidently smack my son, but I totally understand how it did for you OP. Just forgive yourself and don't worry!

[Unatheowl]

Hi op. I'm sorry you're having such a bad time at the moment. Please don't beat yourself up. We also don't smack our kids. There have been a few times where I have lost it and smacked in anger. I am deeply ashamed of those moments and carry guilt about them. I understand the feeling. However, we are all human and make mistakes. In your situation it sounded like a reflexive action rather than an intentional punishment.

[Cranky Kitten]

You're tired, you snapped.

Forgive yourself, give your 2yo a big cuddle (but don't start with "Mummy was all wrong etc" as they shouldn't have bitten) and then move on.

It's not like you have abused your child. Sometimes, they need a reminder to let go and in this case, a smack was the quickest way to stop more damage being done.

This!

I don't think there's too many parents who could honestly say they've never had a similar moment and an isolated incident doesn't define you as a parent. You're human, and from the sounds of it under a fair whack of pressure at the moment. Go easy on yourself and remember tomorrow is another day.

[CallMeProtart]

I do stuff I regret and don't intend to with my kids.

Just do your best not to ever do it again (not because smacking is wrong, I'm pro smacking, but because it's not something you are happy with doing).