[coolguy]

I donated sperm a few years ago, and would like to see my children when they turn 18! Of course, that depends on them knowing that they were donor conceived, and also wanting to meet me! But it would be a pretty amazing thing to happen and look forward to it, even though it could be many years away.

Anyway, would you tell your kids? I can understand why couples would or wouldn't tell. My only contribution would be that it could be better to tell your kids than let them find out by themselves, especially as we become more educated about genetics etc.

[meggs1]

Yes I will bring my son up knowing how he was conceived, and when he's old enough show him the information I received from the clinic. His donor is ID release and I will support him to make contact after he's 18 if he wants to.

[coolguy]

Thanks Meggs. What would you do if your son wanted to learn when he was around 14 or so? Do you think you'd like to meet the donor as well? Like do you get curious about them? I must say I'm curious about what the mothers and families of my children are like, in terms of genetic traits and personality.

[Cuddlesnkisses]

The donor Im using is from the USA so its unlikely that they would meet. If I do fall pregnant I wouldn't have any problem with them meeting.

Im going through a fertility clinic so will make a scrap book starting from a picture of the clinic, to embyro, to birth ect It will be done as a storybook that I can read to them from very early on so that they know from the start that I wanted them very much and that there donor daddy was a kind person who made them possible.

[Cuddlesnkisses]

Incidently there is a sibling registery where you can list your donors number and find out if they have siblings. The donor Im using has siblings through the clinic I am going to. Im hoping if im successful that any siblings could meet.

[puffsgirl11]

My son is only 3wks old but we will be telling him as soon as soon as he is old enough to understand (maybe around 5). We have used a known donor who is happy for our son to contact him whenever he wishes to.

We are putting him on the donor register and have told immediate family we used a donor.

I have kept all the emails from our donor so that I can show my son how he came to be.

Our donor also said that he would completely understand if our son didnt want to meet him as he doesn't see him as his son, he is DH and my son.

[casime]

Yes, my son will know he is donor conceived. I've made no secret of it among family, friends or even strangers. Donor is ID release and if he wanted to meet him I would support that.

I have also made contact with a sibling and we catch up every couple of months. Both children were born only a few months apart, so will hopefully be able to have a relationship with each other as they grow.

What would you do if your son wanted to learn when he was around 14 or so? Do you think you'd like to meet the donor as well? Like do you get curious about them? I must say I'm curious about what the mothers and families of my children are like, in terms of genetic traits and personality.

The mother of my childs sibling has made contact through the clinic and he wishes to make contact with her, but they have to go through some counselling sessions first. At this stage I don't think I would be interested in meeting the donor, although I would be willing to have email communication. I think that while the children are still young it could be confusing for them to meet their father, but him not have a role in their life. I do not expect, nor do I want the donor to be a parental figure to my child and I don't want the lines getting blurred.

If my child wanted to contact the donor when they are only enough to understand the relationships, then I would facilitate that, but I would probably have my child attend some counselling sessions first so they were able to discuss it with a professional before making that decision.

[FaithHopeLove]

I am currently ttc with an ID release donor through a clinic. If I am blessed enough to have a child I will be completely open about it - close friends and family already know. I would be fully supportive of my child if they wanted to contact the donor and I know there are already other children of this donor out there and would be interested to meet them later on should I be successful.

[amylacy]

My girls were told they were donor conceived from the time they were 2. They knew about this amazing man who gave mummy 'baby magic' to help make them.

I wrote to my donor via the clinic to thank him after the birth of each of my girls. After the second letter he wrote back to me. We swapped email addresses and kept in contact that way. About one year later we met in person. It was the best thing that could have happened for my girls. They have a lovely relationship with our donor and his family. It's not a parental relationship, but more like one of a favourite uncle.

I really hope that you get the opportunity to meet some of the children while they are still young. It is a hard thing for parents to get their head around as they is so much anxiety attached to it. So many 'what if's'. It might take a while but eventually people come to understand that you didn't donate to start a family for yourself, but to help someone else start there's.

I really wish you all the best. I have meet countless donors through some public speaking I do on donor conception, and I am always stuck by the similarities between donors in that they are all amazing people. Warm, personal, engaging and such kind hearted souls. I love our donor, but there hasn't been one single donor I have met that I wouldn't have been overjoyed to learn was our donor. I hope that one day you will be able to look into the teary eyes of a recipient mum and have validated for you what a profound impact you have had on someone's life.

Best wishes

Kerrie

[coolguy]

That's so sweet cuddlesnkisses! I love that idea.

Congrats on being a new mum, puffsgirl! But why put him on a donor register if he's a known donor?

Amazing stories, casime and amylacy. Casime: How did you get in touch with your child's sibling's mum? What was it like meeting her?

amylacy: What was it like meeting your donor?! I can imagine being really nervous and excited! Thanks for your wishes!

It's lovely everyone is so open about it, I'm surprised that 100% of people so far have/will tell their kids. Interesting points about lines being blurred - I'm curious if that is common - donors getting 'too' involved etc. I'd expect that most donors would respect the boundaries, but at the same time I understand sometimes there might be strong emotions triggered. I'm sure there's research out there about this stuff.

To anyone who doesn't want to tell their kids, would love to hear from you too. This is a judgement free zone!

Coolguy