[divineM]

my DD is 20 months and loves her two cousins aged 2 and 3.5. I find the 3.5 year old can be very mean to her. for example yesterday my niece came over with a handbag which she would not share with DD, so I gave DD my makeup case with a few items in it - comb, nail polish etc. DD "shared" them with my niece who promptly put them in her own bag, zipped it up and would not give it back to DD. no reaction from the parents. I didn't do anything just tried to distract DD. would you have said something? relationship between us and brother and sister in law is not greatest by way of background.

[Dinosaurus]

Yes.

In those circumstances I would have had no problem asking for "my" things back and given her a lecture on sharing too. 3 1/2 year olds are still very young to be sharing willingly on a regular basis but they are old enough to be encouraged to share and stopped from taking other childs toys and not giving them back.

At least mine are

[Carmen02]

I would and have done, my nephews are 10,8 and 5 and they really have no respect for anything they swear, yell and fight. I know all children have their moments but these boys are terrors to be honest and when I see something I will say something, alot of it has to do with my children knowing it is wrong way to treat someone or something and if nothing is said they think its ok!
I dont really care what my younger brother and his gf think because i know they have complained to my mum about it, but i tell my mum they dont say anything so i will!! I dont want my children swearing or fighting

[Littleone84]

I have no problem telling my nephews what is and isnt acceptable in play with my DSS.

My BIL also has no problem telling my DSS when to pull his head in when acting in an unacceptable manner.

When it comes to sharing, if the 2 older boys are have problems, we usually work out a roster for them say B has the toy for 10 mintues and when that 10 min is up he hands it to J. That usually works for us, but usually by the time B is finished with it, J doesnt really want it any more.

[CheekyBuggers]

Yep. Specially when it was in my house, I hate parents that just sit back when their kids are being rude.

[Luvmy4]

My house, my rules.
I have no problem talking to any child visitors about respecting the rules in my house. That being said I do talk, not discipline as such.

Where ever we are I also have no problem talking to any child who is overstepping the boundaries when it impacts on my children & they are not in a position to sort it out for themselves. If my children are not involved, unless it is dangerous I leave it for the parents.

In your situation I would have said something like " Lets all share my make-up. Bring it out of your bag & I'll show you how."
If the child refuses I would say "Because you wont share my make-up I will put it away' then just take it back & put it away. I would then find something else to play with together to reinforce sharing

[schoolmum]

Yes I would and have said pulled up a child, especially if it was in my own home.
I cant say I would call it discipline as such, more letting them know the rules of my house.
I would use a nice voice at first and say,
"niece could you please give cousin back her things, so then you can both have something to play with"
and if that did not work, I would use my firm voice and say,
"niece I need you to give back cousin her things now, as they are hers to play with and you are not sharing nicely, and in this house we share nicely, so please give them to me now"and I would have my hand out waiting.
I would also expect other members of my extended family to pull my children up as well.
If your brother and sil are offended by the above, then it may be time to rethink how visits proceed in the future.