[kimcam1971]

Hi There,

Last year we were reported to Child Protection over my DD standing on DS and sitting on DS we had an initial meeting at DOCS with 2 child protection workers and then did not hear anything for a month. A month later 2 Child Protection workers came out to the house and I was made to feel like I was a bad mother for not protecting my son and my children and they complained about all the little bits of fluff on our carpet etc and suggested that we need to look into who would be the primary carer. I did not hear anything back after that until about November when another case worker became involved and they put us on a pilot program which is due to end in February next year called Restoration (returning kids to families) and Preservation (keeping families together) they referred us onto Burnside in February this year. The Caseworker from Burnside started with us in February this year.

The Caseworker went to pay the preschool fees the other day and I have high needs DS who needs a lot of attention and it is really hard to change his nappy, put on his glasses etc. So the other day the Supervisor told the Caseworker that DS smells of urine, comes in soiled nappy, he does not wear glasses all the time and stoma where he had a gastrostomy tube is still leaking. So the Caseworker called in on Friday and said that she will have to report it. Every morning before I take DS to preschool I bath him, I change his nappy but on the way up he does a poo however, they expect me to change him when I get there as it is hard to change a nappy the last few weeks I change the nappy before I go as I usually notice he has done a poo before I walk out the door. With DS's glasses he hates wearing and usually pulls them off I normally put them on when I get there. I took the glasses with me to the last opthamology appt and he pulled them off and the Opthmalogist basically told me it does not matter if he does not wear his glasses it is more important to get eye ointment into his eyes as he has had ptosis sling surgery. DS has sensory processing issues and is also non verbal and developmentally delayed all we know is that he has Microcephaly, Delayed Mylination and Developmental Delay. With the stoma I have been covering up although my DH got the wrong pad from chemist which where clear and I put an eye pad underneath and it did not stick very well so the teachers had to retape and they are complaining the stoma is leaking. When I had the tube taken out the Clinical Stoma Nurse and the Surgical Registrar told me they do not surgical stitch the stoma unless it has been leaking for 3 months we are 6 weeks and 6 weeks to go and I will have to go to Westmead to have it done.

What should I do? I am worried with that sort of complaint I am likely to loose my DD and DS 2 of the problems I cannot help. The Case worker was going to send the Community Nurse up to have a look at the stoma and she told me the other day that I might have to go to Westmead and have a stitch ha DS might have to be sedated. The owner of the preschool mentioned that I am behind in the fees and I overlooked paying in September.

Any advise would be well appreciate. Should I change preschools to a more supportive one. The other thing that I find is DS is being descriminated against for being so small he cannot go to early intervention as they think his needs are too high and he will not be transitioned to the 3/4 room and therefore cannot be with his peers as his needs are too high he will have to stay in the baby room until they get a one-one support worker. Should I pull DS out and put him in another preschool. Half the problem is the teacher use to be a Nurse which complete does not help matters. I am feeling like a am a FAILURE as a mother right now.

Kim

[*Mrs_Cullen*]

I am no parenting guru and certainly not the best mother in the world but I do have a SN child and have had the department involved over some bogus accusation that was found to be untrue and case closed.


Last year we were reported to Child Protection over my DD standing on DS and sitting on DS we had an initial meeting at DOCS with 2 child protection workers and then did not hear anything for a month. A month later 2 Child Protection workers came out to the house and I was made to feel like I was a bad mother for not protecting my son and my children and they complained about all the little bits of fluff on our carpet etc and suggested that we need to look into who would be the primary carer.

Not sure im understanding this ? Reported by whom ? They got a case worker involved over some fluff on the floor ???
What do you mean about Who will be the primary carer?


The Caseworker went to pay the preschool fees the other day and I have high needs DS who needs a lot of attention and it is really hard to change his nappy, put on his glasses etc. So the other day the Supervisor told the Caseworker that DS smells of urine, comes in soiled nappy, he does not wear glasses all the time and stoma where he had a gastrostomy tube is still leaking. So the Caseworker called in on Friday and said that she will have to report it. Every morning before I take DS to preschool I bath him, I change his nappy but on the way up he does a poo however, they expect me to change him when I get there as it is hard to change a nappy the last few weeks I change the nappy before I go as I usually notice he has done a poo before I walk out the door. With DS's glasses he hates wearing and usually pulls them off I normally put them on when I get there. I took the glasses with me to the last opthamology appt and he pulled them off and the Opthmalogist basically told me it does not matter if he does not wear his glasses it is more important to get eye ointment into his eyes as he has had ptosis sling surgery. DS has sensory processing issues and is also non verbal and developmentally delayed all we know is that he has Microcephaly, Delayed Mylination and Developmental Delay. With the stoma I have been covering up although my DH got the wrong pad from chemist which where clear and I put an eye pad underneath and it did not stick very well so the teachers had to retape and they are complaining the stoma is leaking. When I had the tube taken out the Clinical Stoma Nurse and the Surgical Registrar told me they do not surgical stitch the stoma unless it has been leaking for 3 months we are 6 weeks and 6 weeks to go and I will have to go to Westmead to have it done.

What should I do? I am worried with that sort of complaint I am likely to loose my DD and DS 2 of the problems I cannot help. The Case worker was going to send the Community Nurse up to have a look at the stoma and she told me the other day that I might have to go to Westmead and have a stitch ha DS might have to be sedated. The owner of the preschool mentioned that I am behind in the fees and I overlooked paying in September.


***I hate to be unkind or state the obvious, but these problems you can in fact help.

Pay the daycare fees, change him again when you arrive..even if its just to satisfy the daycare ladies. Put his glasses on him when you arrive also, in front of the daycare ladies, then its up to them to keep them on him.

Go to the doctor to check the stoma and get it in writing what needs to be done.

Should I pull DS out and put him in another preschool. Half the problem is the teacher use to be a Nurse which complete does not help matters. I am feeling like a am a FAILURE as a mother right now.


***Dont pull him out over that, it will be seen as inconsistant. I personally think its great and very handy that the teacher used to be a nurse with such a varied scope of issues. Get her on side would be my advice.


***Dont feel like a failure as a mother. We do the best we can. Look at it as a learning curve and an experience to better your parenting abilities. (Not being a smartass there, thats the way I looked at it )

Adding...EB wouldnt letme change colours again..lol

[ma-ma]

Why is your DS too little for early intervention? My DD has had EI since 6mo. If they think his needs are too high, can't you stay behind during the early intervention session? I had to do this for my daughter for the first year of EI.

What type of gastrostomy tube does your son have? Maybe you could ask for it to be changed to a Mickey? These are changed every 3-4 months which really helps with the leakages.

With regards to the glasses, have you tried the flexible plastic ones? Sorry, can't remember the brand but can look it up late if you need. You have to tie a piece of elastic around the back which holds the glasses in place. My DD Has been wearing them since 6mo.

HTH

[Tyrantasaurus]

Hmm, I am with Mrs Cullen here. All of those things listed are things you can address, and without too much hassle.

If I walked into daycare with my son and he had a dirty nappy, the first thing I would do is change it as soon as I got there. You said its hard to change his nappy? It wouldn't be any easier for them, I am sure.

Make sure he has his glasses on when you arrive. He takes them off? Well put them back on again.

You might need to double check on the need for a 6 week wait to close up the site from where the gastrostomy button was? I thought nowadays they preferred to do the surgery straight away because although the site appears to close over, it doesn't fully because of all the scar tissue. And yes, I know that because I am heading to Westmead in two weeks for exactly that - to have my sons Mic-key removed and the site repaired and sewn up ( they have to cut out the scar tissue and neaten it up)

As for one of his teachers being an ex-nurse? Excellent! What better person to help

If you were to change daycare centers now it would look like you are running away, and to be honest I think that would raise more red flags.

[madmother]

I am sorry, but if DOCS is so involved then there is reason. Time and time again we see threads on how hard it is to get them to do something, how stretched their resources are, and how frustrating it is when some of the horrors people witness, take time to report, ends with nothing other than a fleeting visit.


Time and time again I see you post in the SN section, same questions, same ignoring any advice.

You want to keep your kids? Change what is wrong, listen to what people with experience tell you, get off the computer and DO something about it all.

Sorry to be harsh but normally I see your threads and do not respond because it is like deja vu...

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

I wouldn't remove him and would keep working with the authorities. It sounds like you need help, so utilize their services. Tell them what you need, demand help. Good luck.

[Copacetic]

I wouldn't remove him and would keep working with the authorities. It sounds like you need help, so utilize their services. Tell them what you need, demand help.

I second this. When my boys were smaller and we didn't know our neighbours they would scream and scream and scream. We didn't have a diagnosis, no doctor would take us seriously and one of the neighbours reported us to DOCS because they were worried they were being hurt. Now IMO they should have approached us, but we don't live in a village anymore. In the end, it was the help from DOCS that got us our diagnosis, even though their opinion was that our children were in no way at risk. Work with them, not against them.

[madmother]

In the end, it was the help from DOCS that got us our diagnosis, even though their opinion was that our children were in no way at risk. Work with them, not against them.

[rbat]

Obviously there is history here but that aside:

Things like changing a nappy when they don't like it, I understand perfectly. However it is your job to change it, regardless of whether they like it or not. Some things are just not negotiable. So you need to suck this up and do it. Same with bathing and all other hygiene related things.

If DOCS are involved, there is a reason. Sorry to be blunt. It is normally an impossibility to get them to follow anything up. Use their resources and ask for help.

There are oganisations in SA *not sure where you are* called Dial an Angel, people who provide in home help to families who are struggling. Also try Anglicare & St Vincent de Paul for their support services. Usually they are free or a very minimal fee.

Fluff on the carpet, vacuum.

In terms of changing pre-school, I don't think it is unreasonable to look at changing as long as you intend to address the issues that are at play. Some pre-school's are simply awful at looking after children with special needs. There are pre-schools which have more support, again in SA they are called IPP pre-schools and there are pre-schools which are completely SN.

Hope that helps.

[Copacetic]

If DOCS are involved, there is a reason. Sorry to be blunt. It is normally an impossibility to get them to follow anything up. Use their resources and ask for help.

I think we need to stop insinuating that if DOCS is involved then you are doing something wrong. It's not always the case. My children were not at risk when they were involved with us. We needed help, it's true, but we were screaming for help at the time and no one would listen.

It's not always a bad thing.