[Mozzie1]

My extended family live very far apart, so it takes an event for us to get together. When DH and I announced our pregnancy, i got a lot of questions about when I was going to have my baby shower. I didn't really want one, because in the last 2 years I've had a wedding and a big 30th, and we are also better off financially than most of ur friends and family, so it seemed wrong to be asking for presents. I also wanted to see the family, who we don't see often enough and I miss.

So we compromised, and are having a unisex BBQ to celebrate the imminent arrival of our child. We've invited friends as well as family. The invite just calls it a baby celebration, and there is no mention of presents. But I have now heard from mum that most people have contacted her and asked what to buy us, so I gave her a list.

Now here is my dilemma. At a traditional baby shower, one of the highlights is watching the mother to be open her presents in front of everyone, and cooing over the tiny socks. I don't want anyone to feel like their gift wasn't appreciated. BUT we didn't position it as a ban shower, and I don't want anyone who doesn't bring a gift to be made to feel uncomfortable - after all, we weren't expecting them.

I might be over thinking this, but I really don't know what to do. Any advice?

[Mozzie1]

Pretend you like the gifts.

Huh? I'm not sure I understand - why wouldn't I like the gifts? I'm worried about opening presents in front of the whole group, and therefore making people who didn't bring one feel uncomfortable.

[baddmammajamma]

Give a heartfelt thanks in person when/if a loved one hands you a present.

Then open the gifts after the event and write heartfelt, prompt thank you notes.

Enjoy your time with your family and friends!

This post has been edited by baddmammajamma: 24/11/2012, 09:05 AM

[futureself]

Simple - just don't. Have a table, or designated spot, for anyone who brings a gift to place them at the bbq and then just open them later. I had a champagne brunch(with some menfolk there too) for my shower and didn't even think to open gifts there as I find it odd.

I do think it is particularly important etiquette wise to ensure you write a thank you card as soon as possible mentioning each gift personally if you go this way though. That way everyone feels their gift was acknowledged and appreciated

[Jemstar]

Give a heartfelt thanks in person when/if a loved one hands you a present.

Then open the gifts after the event and write heartfelt, prompt thank you notes.

Enjoy your time with your family and friends!

This is what I would do.

[countrymel]

Give a heartfelt thanks in person when/if a loved one hands you a present.

Then open the gifts after the event and write heartfelt, prompt thank you notes.

Enjoy your time with your family and friends!

Baddmammajamma has it in one.

If you have their email addresses a photo of you holding said gift with the goofy "Awwwww.... little tiny socks!" smile would be good too.

[CharliMarley]

Baby showers have only been in vogue for the last 20 years or so and before that, people who wanted to buy you something, did so and brought it around after the baby was born or brought it to the hospital. This I think is better than a baby shower, which to me is a present expectation and not everyone can afford all these parties and present giving, especially if you have had big parties this year. I would decline the baby shower and just let people give if they want to and not feel obliged.

[wish*upon*a*star]

Agree with PP.
Thank you notes are lovely

[Mozzie1]

Thank you notes it is! Thanks all.

[BBV]

I would open them later, if ppl are offended because u didn't open them at the BBQ - bad luck! And coming from the point of view of someone who didn't bring a gift as the invite stipulated no gifts, it was very uncomfortable when all gifts were opened at the shower!