[calomamma]

Please help. I feel like such a failure.

My 7mo DD is very difficult to put to bed. It's hit and miss every evening.

For the first 3 months I needed to rock her to sleep. There were tears and tears as I did this. My routine was Feed, Play, Sleep.

I eventually figured out that if I switch to Play, Feed, Sleep I could breastfeed her to sleep with no tears. The house was finally calm for about 2 months.

For the last month though, once she has finished feeding, if she isn't asleep she starts crying...and crying. In the end I need to rock and walk her around the room.

At night we feed solids, then go to the bedroom and change nappy/clothes, then play on my bed quietly or sing quiet songs and then I feed her to sleep.

It went from a 100% success rate to probably 50% now and it is slowly getting worse.

I am so sick of hearing my friends tell me that they simply used to give bub a bottle and walk out. It makes me feel like a failure.

Am I doing something wrong? Please please give me some ideas.

[kadoodle]

You're not a failure. I have four kids and they all went clingy and non-sleeping around that age. They came good once they got more mobile and wore themselves out more.

Many people swear by controlled crying, but I found patting mine, talking/singing softly (that's why we have lullabyes) and being prepared to do it for as long as it takes worked just as well. Be as zen as you can. Babies know when you're stressed.

[calomamma]

Thank you kadoodle. I think you are onto something when you said babies know when you're stressed. I might need to see how I am acting on the days she doesn't nod off.

[Nematode]

OMG you are not a failure , although I know how you feel. My dd is just 2 and we have only recently managed to find a routine that works . I felt exactly the same as you, dd would feed to sleep and it was lovely, but then not all the time, and then rarely, and then even if she was asleep, she would wake as soon as I put her down.
I am obviously no expert, but the way I saw it was this, if, as everyone told me, they were so fantastic with putting their d? to sleep, no probs, then why are there SO MANY books and dvds and sleep schools and sleep whisperers out there ? If getting your d? to sleep was easy, there would b no market for all of this.
BTW, what finally worked for us was telling her that I would be back, and then extending the time I was out of the room, that being said, easier with an almost 2yo than a 7mo. I only say this to say that for me, I thought I was going to have to wait till dd was 13 till she would sleep lol . It wasnt that long

[adl]

Not a failure..... It's so hard to work out their needs... They are all different...and their patterns change as they grow ...so what works for a while may not after time....

Have you considered wind or tummy upset? Reflux? Just wondering if when full she isn't in discomfort and the rocking helps soothe it??? Maybe try solids during the day? And see if that helps....

You do what you can, we all do....

[sonicbeagle]

No way, you're not a failure!!

Babies can be demanding. One night they can be crying a lot, the next night they may be settled and easy to deal with.

It can be all over the place. Babies can be like that.

So just go with the flow, and do what works for you. There's no one size fits all. And don't worry too much about people who make you feel as though you're failing. You absolutely are not failing.

Just try to relax and do what works. What works one night, may not work another night. It's just the nature of being a parent.

Sending lots of positivity your way - and encouragement too! You're doing a great job!

[neddyteddy]

you.... failure pfft!

come to my house and see a real failure

[jindy poss]

You are not a failure!! My DS was really hard to get to sleep around that age. At 18 months he is a great sleeper now so thats a positive for you

I went to my community nurse and asked for help, she suggested controlled crying, it wasnt something I had considered before and I know its not everyones cup of tea but it worked for us. The way the nurse suggested to go about it was putting DS in his cot, soothing him and walking out and doing something for a couple of minutes so we werent standing listening to him crying. Then after a few minutes if he was crying go back to him and soothe, then leave again for a few minutes. We only had to do this a few times for a few days and he was sleeping well.

Its taken a long time for me to realise stressing things doesnt help, if its getting you down go and get some help, maybe a sleep school or something.

Hope it gets better soon

[Sunnycat]

Please don't feel like a failure. You're not. My DS has been a challenging sleeper so there were times I felt like a failure and that I was doing something wrong, especially when a lot of my friend had great sleepers.

But some babies are just difficult to get to sleep or to stay asleep, you are not doing anything wrong. I know that probably doesn't help you though but don't blame yourself.

[mysonsmum]

Don't feel like a failure! I would rather do what ur doing than give my son a bottle & walk out personally! Have u tried giving ur baby a cuddley? When my son stopped feeding to sleep I started wrapping him with his hands free & putting him to bed with a muslin wrap as a cuddley & he continues to suck on that til he falls asleep. Maybe that could help?