[nationalvelvet]

I am writing this from a personal point of view and am feeling the pain of losing a friend, in a way.

I was friend's with this lady and her family for about12 years.
I thought she was blessed with a great DH and great kids...I believe she was but something went wrong in her life.

Long story short.

She woke up one day and started thinking about the past; when she met her DH and the events that followed. It wasn't the best of relationships. They broke up a few times and during that time he met someone else and so did she. But both relationships didn't last long and they were back together.
They were only young - about 19 years of age.

They eventually got married and I believe had a great marriage and three beautiful kids.
She even expressed to me how blessed she was!

20something years on and this thought started to really hurt her - the fact that both of them had left each other for someone else when they were young.
I had tried to reassure her(this was about 2 years ago) that these things happen but the main thing is they were together blessed with three beautiful children They got married after 7 years of knowing each other.

She ended up divorcing him and met someone on the internet from overseas.
She has left her family of three (grown) children and beautiful grandson; her ageing parents(her mum had a stroke a year ago), her siblings, friends and country.

While I am not friends with her on FB she is friends with someone I know and I saw her update today talking about how thankful she is to be in America and celebrating her first thanksgiving.

But I can't help think of her family back here and the pain that is left behind.
I am angry and sad. Angry that she left them, angry that she gave up on her marriage.

Now she has a new DH and three younger step-children

Her youngest daughter(in Australia) is neary 20 and she lives with her dad.
I know it must hurt her to NOT have her mum around.

What irks me is that her friends back here support her and encourage her. They think it's great(age 40plus) she has found a new love and a new life in a new country. As her friend, I can't be happy for her.
I feel sad for what she has done.

WDYT?
Could you leave everything behind to find new Love?

Something tells me this will all wear off and she will be looking for the next piece of excitement in her life.

I can't be happy for her because I feel she had everything and gave it all up.

Naturally, relationships change especially when children come. Romance can dwindle. I know this hurt her. She wanted to be "romanced" again and feel wanted.
But what she had was years of love and devotion....
Romance is fleeting. It doesn't make the marriage.

There is nothing I can do to change it for she has made her decision.
But I am angry that she has a hurting family here in Australia and a hurting friend.

We saw her DH coming out of a shop a few months ago. He looked pale and sad. He didn't want to talk about her.

edited spelling

This post has been edited by debspotatohead: 23/11/2012, 11:41 AM

[bakesgirls]

I personally would never leave my kids to live overseas. I just can't ever imagine myself doing that. But, I don't know what I will feel when my kids have grown up. I don't know what my future holds and until then I can't imagine leaving them for anything.

As for your comment

angry that she gave up on her marriage

, that's not your place. Only she can ever know what her life was like for her. What she was willing to settle for and live with. Did you expect your friend to stay when she wasn't happy, just to keep everyone else happy? Only her and her former husband can know what it was like for them behind closed doors.

ETA-

Now she has a new DH and three younger step-children

Her children have grown up. His are still young. It was going to be hard either way, one of them would have had to leave their kids behind. Why is it expected (in society) that she should stay and he should leave his country if they chose to pursue their relationship? He has children too, and as you have stated, they are younger children and hers are adults. I think their decision was reasonable. For all we know, he is their primary carer, that their mother is no longer in the picture for whatever reason. Is he supposed to uproot his kids and move them to another country so that her adult children don't feel hard done by?

This post has been edited by bakesgirls: 23/11/2012, 12:19 PM

[lsolaBella]

Yes on the surface of things I would be like you too.

I was chatting with SIL. She was speaking of an acquaintance who had left her DH and kids for the romance of a toy boy. The lady had 2 yrs of 'fun' before she started to want her old life back.

I also know DH's Aunt did this too. Funnily enough she ended her life with her original DH.

[steppy]

I can't see any problem with what she's done sorry. She stayed for her children until they were adults. I think that's as much as anyone can expect in a marriage that didn't work out.

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

Yeah it sucks and is probably going to end badly, but it's not your business OP. Don't spend any time dwelling on it.

[Shirley Sue]

I personally would never leave my kids to live overseas. I just can't ever imagine myself doing that. But, I don't know what I will feel when my kids have grown up. I don't know what my future holds and I can't imagine leaving them for anything.

As for your comment , that's not your place. Only she can ever know what her life was like for her. What she was willing to settle for and live with. Did you expect your friend to stay when she wasn't happy, just to keep everyone else happy? Only her and her former husband can know what it was like for them behind closed doors.

What bakesgirls said. Totally agree. I believe noone really knows what happens in a relationship apart from the two people in it.

[Bel Rowley]

I think if my friend had divorced and her children were adults, I would be very happy for her to meet someone else and go wherever that romance took her.

Plenty of 19/20 year olds live far from their parents - if the daughter was the one who decided to go and live overseas would you be pitying her mother?

[Sassy Girl]

I can't see any problem with what she's done sorry. She stayed for her children until they were adults. I think that's as much as anyone can expect in a marriage that didn't work out.

I agree. Her children are adults. Obviously her marriage was miserable otherwise she wouldn't have left. She's stayed until her children are old enough to stand on their own two feet.

What do you expect her to do ? Stay in an obviously miserable marriage for her whole life just to keep others happy ? She only has one life why isn't she allowed to do what makes her happy ?

This post has been edited by Sassy Girl: 23/11/2012, 12:09 PM

[~Nodnol~]

She didn't leave her children, they are grown adults who can look after themselves, not toddlers like your posts suggests.

I have absolutely no problem with what she's done.

I think if my friend had divorced and her children were adults, I would be very happy for her to meet someone else and go wherever that romance took her.

Plenty of 19/20 year olds live far from their parents - if the daughter was the one who decided to go and live overseas would you be pitying her mother?

I agree with both of these posts. She stayed in what appears to have been a crappy marriage until her children were adults. At some point she should have the right to put her own emotional happiness first don't you think?

Reason for edit: removed personal attack in a quote

[steppy]

Plenty of 19/20 year olds live far from their parents - if the daughter was the one who decided to go and live overseas would you be pitying her mother?

Exactly. Are adult children supposed to stick around forever? Once you are capable of being independent, your parents owe you nothing more. I'm sure if they need her moral support they can use a telephone or skype. Besides, they have their dad - it's not like she left them destitute on the streets.

This post has been edited by steppy: 23/11/2012, 12:09 PM