[Guest_3Keiki_*]

Hi all,
Just need a few varying opinions i guess.
One of my BIL/SIL has asked me to be godparent to their child. This is late DHs brother.
Honestly I have never been close to the couple and apart from christmas family functions not that much to do with them. But have always got on with them - until recently.
Awhile back I posted about getting a fairly large Death and Disability payout from Dhs work re his death. I made a decision to move to a property and chase a dream DH and I had together. When MIL found out the family made decision to try and stop me from doing so - stating that this money is really the childrens and I am being irresponsible with it. It is all legally without a leg but is taking precious time an dmoney sorting out. Anyway since then things have been somewhat tense within the family. When BILs baby was born they used DHs name as his middle name, I found out via the facebook announcement. Now I have no issue with what they call this child but I think basic manners suggests they could have told me themselves.
So back to the request - I get a phone call off BIL asking me today and I really don't want too. I just think saying no could tip the whole family relationship into never never land.
But I don't have a close relationship with BIL and SIL, I really don't like the way they raise their kids (yeah I know it is judgey but we come from totally different places in childrearing - their kids are spoilt beyond all sense) so I really see why they asked anyway.
I don't know what to do, I want to maintain some kind of relationship for the sake of my kids but this is getting a bit much.

This post has been edited by 3Keiki: 25/11/2012, 07:41 PM

[Livsh]

Meh, god parents don't really do that much, they are probably asking you to build a bridge and I agree with you, if you say no the family relationship will probably go down the toilet.

It's worth doing to keep the peace and make sure your kids have a relationship with their Dad's family.

[Saecularis Angel...]

I think there's a prior question to the one about family relationships. Are you prepared to take on responsibility for helping to raise your nephew as a Christian? Because if not, then family issues aside, you shouldn't do it (and you have the perfect excuse - you don't want to be a hypocrite).

[niggles]

This may be their way of mending bridges. Or it could be their way of connecting this new baby with a family they may not have a lot to do with but who is important to them.

Being a godparent is a relationship between you and the baby. Unless you really object I think you should just try to separate this from the other issues and accept. It is strange that they've chosen you but they have chosen you.

That's just my 2 cents. It's a tricky situation. Follow your gut.

[boatiebabe]

That's a hard situation.

Why exactly is it that you don't want to do it? Are you not religious - that could get you out of it!

Do you think they want money from you?

It sounds to me like they are trying to involve you in their lives (depite the fact they may have been somewhat ham fisted about it) so I would consider carefully before rebuffing them.

How important is your DH's family to you? and your kids?

[Guest_3Keiki_*]

AngeVert this is a problem too - I am in fact a 'practising' christian SIL comes from a kinda odd break away religion and that is the religion in which the baby is being christianed. I also have to attend some meetings with the pastor so I can be educated about the religion beforehand.

[Guest_3Keiki_*]

Do you think they want money from you?

Funny you should mention that - there is in fact an expectation that birthdays and christmas become grand affairs for the godchild. I know because SIL got up another GOdParent because they didn't spend enough on child

[jennywin]

Im seeing it more from their point of view. They seem like they care for your kids, they care about their brother, and they want to maintain a relationship with their neices and nephews.And yes, you are being judgey in a reverse snob sort of way.

I would say yes, as being godparent is easy, you just have to show up for birthdays and around xmas with a present for the child. Wouldnt this be good for all the children - to keep in contact just twice a year? Is this what your husband would have wanted?

[threelittlegems]

AngeVert this is a problem too - I am in fact a 'practising' christian SIL comes from a kinda odd break away religion and that is the religion in which the baby is being christianed. I also have to attend some meetings with the pastor so I can be educated about the religion beforehand.

Well there is your opportunity to politely excuse yourself.

FWIW, I think it sounds like they are trying to keep you in the family and your husbands memory alive. Unless they have been particularly nasty, or you feel the relationship with them is doomed, I would probably just agree to it.

Good luck

[idignantlyright]

I would just say "Sorry, for reasons I would rather not go into. I have to decline the offer to be ****'s godmother."