[Fastrunnydog]

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I have a just-turned 3yr old and a 19 mth old, both of whom are terrible sleepers and are really quite a handful. I have pregnancy insomnia lately so when they have been waking in the night it is DH who gets up to them so that I can get a little sleep each night (he can go straight back to sleep and I can't). I am also anemic so am more exhausted than usual. I work part time and the kids go to daycare 3 days a week.

DH asked me about 4 months ago if I would mind if he went on a holiday with mates for 5 days in November (now) and even though I told him I'd be heavily pregnant and would likely struggle with the kids and everything else, he decided I'd be fine went ahead and booked it anyway. I've known it was coming and have been dreading it, especially after the last few weeks of stress and exhaustion.


SO he left tonight, and I am angry - really angry that I will be facing 6 nights with minimal sleep, pregnancy exhaustion and dealing with fighting screaming toddlers and trying to work, while he is living it up with mates. I am also quite jealous that he is doing this and it's not practical for me to do anything similar - even if it was practical it won't be an option for a long while as the new baby will be here soon.

Admittedly he's a very hands on father and has been very supportive in the last few weeks especially. The kids will be in daycare 3 of the 5 days he's away. But there is still the early morning drop off and then pick up, preparation, making lunches, bathing and feeding, housework etc and then the endless sleepless nights in between.

So am I justified in feeling this p888ed off or am I being a bit hormonal and unreasonable (read naggy, sour old fishwife). I should add that he does have a reasonable social life anyway, going to the pub or the cricket with mates at least once a fortnight or so.

[howdo]

Did you actually say "no, that's not fine" or just say you'd be heavily pregnant and it would be hard?

[RunawayPrincess]

Did you actually say "no, that's not fine" or just say you'd be heavily pregnant and it would be hard?

My thoughts too.

It's hard to say OP. I'd perhaps would have compromised and cut it down to 2-3 nights. I would also be booking myself in for a pregnancy massage for when he gets home and go get pampered followed by shopping, child free.

[HurryUpAlready]

Yes, I imagine you would be feeling a bit p!ssed off right about now! I guess if you thought it would be too much you either needed to put your foot down when the idea came up, or at least at some point prior to his departure.

Just make sure that DH is well aware that as soon as baby is able to be left, he is on his own whilst you have your own get away! Easier said than done, I know... but it might make it easier to live with.

Do you have a mum / sister close by that could come & stay with you whilst DH is away? At least they could help with lunches / dinners, bath time etc or mind the kids whilst you grab a nap if the opportunity arises.

Re bath time, can you plonk the kids in the bottom of the shower rather than having to lift in/out of the bath?

Re housework, I'd definitely be leaving that for DH when he gets home!!!

ETA: re the kids' lunches... Can you make a weeks worth of sandwiches in one hit and freeze them, then just get them out on the day? That would save some time each morning. They probably won't be the best lunch they have ever had, but it's only for a few days, they'll survive.



This post has been edited by HurryUpAlready: 21/11/2012, 06:45 PM

[The Old Bag]

I think you probably are being a touch unreasonable but let me be quick to point out I'd be feeling exactly the same in your shoes!

Firstly, can you take a day off work while he's away and the kids are in care, so you can rest and just escape the relentlessness for a few hours?

Second, don't be a martyr...plan your own mini break or weekend away. You have two whole months to organise it... No excuses, OK?

[Fastrunnydog]

thanks for the replies, I was looking for a bit of perspective!

And no, I didn't say no to him or that I flat out wouldn't cope but I know if I had have asked him not to go, he would have resented it. I guess I just sort of hoped he'd work out that 5 days away is a bit too much at this point in time.

[RobotFerretOfDoo...]

I'd be feeling pretty hard done by in your case.

It's a real bugbear for me when DH asks me if I mind if he does something and then goes and does it when I say I'm not keen, I feel like there was no point in him asking if he was going to do it anyway.

And under the circumstances I think you're entirely justified in thinking it's unfair that he gets to go off and do this, while you're pregnant now and likely to be tied to a newborn for quite some time after that, so realistically can't do something similar.

[Ianthe]

I read your first sentence and had already decided you weren't being unreasonable. Nothing changed my mind as I read the rest of your post.

Can you get a weekend away maybe before the baby comes?

This post has been edited by Ianthe: 21/11/2012, 08:01 PM

[RobotFerretOfDoo...]

And no, I didn't say no to him or that I flat out wouldn't cope but I know if I had have asked him not to go, he would have resented it. I guess I just sort of hoped he'd work out that 5 days away is a bit too much at this point in time.

That's exactly the problem that I have - I'm the bad guy if I flat out say no, but if I just say I'd prefer it if he didn't but leave the choice to him he'll do what he wants. I'd rather he just said "I've decided to do this" because that's really what he means, and then I'm not damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Hope it goes ok for you OP. Make sure he does somthing incredibly nice for you when he gets back.

[jayskette]

women need to understand males need to be given exact instructions. They don't get hints!