[little lion]

I feel a bit guilty writing but here goes ... My son is a month old now and I still don't feel that overwhelming love or bond. I've only heard of mothers experiencing that immediate, hit like a bolt of lightning love. my son is an easy baby and aside from spending the first three days in special care nursery, he has been pretty healthy.

Each day my feelings for him grow but I'm worried there's something wrong with me. Is this normal? If not, what should I do?

[Jemstar]

Give yourself a bit of time, it is very common to feel this way. Really. Especially with a first baby, it takes time to get your head around having a baby, the 24/7 nature of the situation and for you to also get back on an even keel after pregnancy, birth establishing feeding etc. A month old is very early days, but it is worth discussing this with an ECHN or GP etc so they can perhaps make an assessment for PND and help you to know what is and isn't normal in terms of your feelings.

[hitchicken]

Some people fall in love in an instant, others take years. Same with babies . It's not a race, and you definitely shouldn't panic about it. I bet you in a few months you can't imagine how you'd live without him

Take time to cuddle him, skin on skin etc and spend time making eye contact. There's biological evidence that these things improve bonding for bub and mum x

[Giltine]

I was the same. I think I still am the same at times. DD is 11 weeks old now and although I never had that 'lightning bolt' moment, there are times where I think "I'd do anything for that girl" and I get all protective and crazy-like and other times I think "why does it feel like I don't love her like I should?" It's really odd. And I'm assuming it's normal.

I wish I had that lightning bolt moment. Would have made things easier (or at least one less thing to beat myself up about).

[Saecularis Angel...]

Normal! Don't panic.

Becoming a mum is such a huge transition, and it takes a toll physically, emotionally, if you're so inclined throw in spiritually as well. It can take a long time to recover, sort through all of that and construct a new sense of identity, and a confidence in the changed relationships you find yourself in.

Me, I took months to feel anything other than a huge sense of duty. Now, I sneak into her room when she's sleeping just to look at her, and I do feel a huge lump of love in my chest. But it took time!

I say be gentle with yourself, and let things unfold. Don't try to force anything and give yourself permission to feel whatever comes to the surface without being afraid of it.

[Mmmcheese]

The love didn't hit me until my dd was 3 months old. I just always assumed that that was within the wide range of normal!!! I hope so! If you have concerns, talk to your gp or mchn. I love my dd now with all my heart, and I don't feel our relationship is negatively impacted.

[little lion]

Thanks for the quick replies! I have been taking the 'fake it 'till you make it' approach. Jemstar I was wondering if it might link to pnd but wasn't sure.

[Jax12]

Another who didn't have that moment - and had a lot of guilt about it! Don't worry - it will come. It took me nearly 6 months and it was very gradual, certainly no lightning bolt moment. Congratulations on becoming a mum. And welcome to mother's guilt. It sucks.

[Jemstar]

From my understanding it can but it does not necessarily, if you know what I mean. That's why it's worth having a chat. How do you feel otherwise?

[deejie]

DS1 I did not fall in love with in an instant. For me, it was a very gradual process.

Don't get me wrong, I would have done anything for him. Give up my life for him. I was still fiercely protective of him in a maternal way.... but it wasn't what I would call love. My love for him grew over the weeks, through many nights of sleepy milky cuddles, through hours of crying, through his first smiles. I really needed time to fall in love with him. I didn't have a lightning bolt moment when I knew. My love for him just grew within me slowly, building while I wasn't even realising.

With DS2, it really was instant love when I held in him my arms the first time. Truly and utterly. I don't know if this is because he was my second baby, I don't know why things were different the second time around.

It really is different for everyone and every baby. Hold your son, cuddle him close, stroke him, look in his eyes. Your love for this little person will grow within and soon enough you won't want to live your life without him in it.