[nationalvelvet]

I have a neighbour(in her 60's) who calls on me and DH a lot.
Over the years it has ranged from(picking up furniture from stores, to helping her assemble a new DVD or move a cupboard, provide her with a recipe)

She will ONLY call when she wants something done or,on some occasions, she will ring to discuss something. When this occurs, it always ends in an argument.
She will speak on something contraversial(that she knows will upset us) and it gets my DH and I both heated and upset.

Because she has a mental illness, we feel sorry for her but the last time she rang she made DH really mad because he chose to disagree on something she said.

DH and I made a vow then to slowly disconnect from her.


But the other day, she caught me off guard...
She came to my place to ask if I would want to purchase some lamingtons(raising money for a cause).
I fell for it and bought a dozen.

A week later(which was yesterday) she phoned me to ask how I found them.
Naturally, they were lovely.
Then she asked me if My DH could help her set -up and understand how to use email.
I told her DH didn't have a clue...
And then I did the unspeakable ............I offered to help.

When DH got home from work, I shared with him what I did. He said, "It will only end up in an argument" She can be cunning at times....getting us to help her (using us) and then starting an argument.

So now I want to say no. But is it too late?


I feel sorry for her but then I think of how nasty she can be to me and cunning.

I guess I am a softie.

Too late to say no?
I want to say no now as I feel used by her but then I know i will anger her and this may cause further problems.

[d&s]

It sounds like she enjoys the argument, so she may be bored?
The easiest way to disconnect from that if she is enjoying it - don't argue back. Bite your tongue, even if you vehmentely disagree with all of your being - don't argue back, also have hubby call and say you have to go home to finish something. Have an out.

She will get bored and start to find someone else to fight with.

Best of luck. You seem like good people!

[hodgepodge]

Given you and your DH had already discussed and made an agreement to withdrawl from your neighbours life I would try and stick to this.

Can you call her or write a note and say that you didn't realise how involved setting email up was and it is outside your computer skills. Maybe provide a name and phone number of a local computer tech she could contact for assistance.

Once you set up the email she is going to contact you everytime she is struggling with it - best to bow out now than be roped in as free tech support.

[Sunnycat]

I think if you've already offed help you should do it, but I wouldn't be offering help again.

[Gegemite]

I think because you offered to help you have to on this occasion. Don't engage in any arguments with her and then try and distance yourselves after.

[Spotted Giraffe]

As long as I did not feel my safety was at risk, I would probably help out. But I would get assertive with her. If she starts an argument, let her know how you feel uncomfortable with this, and if she continues on you will leave. I think it is good to help older members of society that need it and who do not have any other support. However, I also don't know the whole story, and quite like an argument myself!

If you don't want to do it, why not give her some information about courses. Our local library has a computer centre attached to it and runs all sorts of very cheap courses about the basics of using computers.

[casime]

Check with your local library, they will usually do free computer courses. They usually have an Intro to Email and Intro to Internet type courses. She can go there and learn. If you help her out, she'll be knocking on your door every time she can't work something out.

[gettheetoanunner...]

Ya big softy
The old adage of 'give an inch and they take a mile" is ringing in my ears.

I'd set up her email.
Then register her on some dodgy websites and disable the spam filter.

Should keep her busy for hours - ergo, less time to hassle you.

But I'm mean.
And you are obviously not.

Maybe take a look at her email program and claim ignorance on how to set it up/how it works as yours is different and you know, you wouldn't want to break it.

[Bacongirl]

Maybe take a look at her email program and claim ignorance on how to set it up/how it works as yours is different and you know, you wouldn't want to break it.

Snap. I was just about to say the same thing. If she has a Mac - say you only know PCs, If she has a PC - tell her you only know Macs.

If she is constantly causing issues between your DH and yourself, then you shouldn't feel guilty about backing out of helping her.

[AstralMoon]

Better to not do it now and say oh sorry it's out of my skillset, because she WILL blame you for looking at a personal email or something ridiculous that she says YOU did!
Plus she will always email you from then on, after asking for your email address.