[Pocahontas]

I spoke with my brother tonight who lives in a different state. Basically he's telling me that he's having money issues and that he owes money to some people because he borrowed some from them (no-one serious like loan sharks but more friends he plays golf with). He's going to have trouble making his rent this month on time and paying people back and is pretty stressed. It is all getting him down.

He didn't ask me for money outright but I think he was fishing in a fairly subtle way. It would have been fairly easy for me to offer to bail him out with say around $200 at least for this month without really feeling the pinch.

However, he has had a pokie adiction for as long as I can remember and is not at all responsible with money. He has blown all the money he has every earnt as well as the small inheritance our father left us. I don't want to start enabling this habit with him thinking I'll bail him out when things get tough.

BUT it is the first time he's ever hinted to me that he needs money and I'm thinking I'm being mean for not offering to help this once. Also he has a history of mental health issues which I'm scared this may trigger.

WWYD? Am I being mean? Would you open this can of worms?

[VioletRose]

Offer him support but not money. It's ok for him to be uncomfortable because of his choices.

[noi'mnot]

That's a tough situation.

What does your gut tell you to do?

Do you have a close relationship? Could you ask him about his gambling?

If I were in this situation and could really afford to do so, I'd pay the $200 or so directly into where it's owed - into the RE agent's bank account, into the bpay, whatever it is rather than giving the money directly. I'd also be honest about why I was doing it this way. I'd also make it clear that I would not be making about habit out of it.

Sorry I can't be of any more help!

[squeekums]

Support in getting help, practical stuff like cupboard essentials if it gets that bad but never money. It goes straight in the pokies in hopes of 'I can turn this in to.... If I win' followed by 'its (machine) due to pay out for me'
Witnessed first hand as the daughter of a pokie addict

[Escapin]

I'm sure you know that you shouldn't give him any money, or pay his bills for him. Doesn't make it any easier. As the first PP said, you need to offer support but not money. I'm really sorry that you're in this position.

[beccajayne]

I would offer the money if i had it spare just once.
Maybe he is slowly managing it and just needs a help once.

If it turns out he is still gambling then I would only offer support the next time.

I always give people a chance, if they stuff up, I only offer support the next time round.

Do what feels right for you.

[123tree]

I'd ask for the details of the real estate agent and pay directly into their account if you are worried.

It is a tough one because we have paid a BIL a substantial amount of money to avoid being evicted. He never paid us back and I am very angry. However I still think if we had our time over I'd probably give him some money, but not as much.

[HezzaB]

We had similar concerns for a relative, we gave him groceries. I like the pp's idea of direct payments to the real estate. Perhaps supermarket vouchers as its a bit far to actually take food?

[RCTP]

I agree with squeekums - you never give money to someone with a gambling problem.

[beccajayne]

That's a tough situation.

What does your gut tell you to do?

Do you have a close relationship? Could you ask him about his gambling?

If I were in this situation and could really afford to do so, I'd pay the $200 or so directly into where it's owed - into the RE agent's bank account, into the bpay, whatever it is rather than giving the money directly. I'd also be honest about why I was doing it this way. I'd also make it clear that I would not be making about habit out of it.

Sorry I can't be of any more help!

This says it better than I did above.