[nationalvelvet]

My brother's family(his wife's family) don't have much to do with me and my family. But today I received an email from my brother's SIL.

She is hoping to surprise my brother with a very BIG wedding gift and has asked me and my family if they would like to contribute to it.

The gift is a rock climbing adventure in Thailand.

I had no real idea my brother was fasinated in rock climbing. The brother I know and Love is a crazy and avid motocross freak!
The brother I know and love doesn't like celebrating his birthday and has told me never to bother sending him gifts or a card. Still, I have!
The girl he has married is into rock climbing and so is her family.
I have seen a few photos on FB of him rock climbing with her and her family but he has never mentioned to me that he loves it. He has been married 3 years and I have seen only two rock climbing adventures on Facebook.
His wife and family grew up in South America and travelled extensively. As children they were introduced to rock-climbing.

She mentions in the email that two of his friends are going on the adventure and since my brother has had his two children, he has missed rock climbing.
Again - my brother has never mentioned this to me or my family!

I googled this adventure and it looks scary and has me feeling a bit worried.
I was talking to my sister about it and she is also concerned.

I feel as though this is THEIR dream and not HIS!

My brother is relatively fit but he has poor vision. I was shocked a few days ago when we were skyping and he was struggling to see the screen!

I guess I really need to know if my brother loves rock climbing as they say he does.
I would hate to think I contributed to a gift that he doesnt really like!
But if he loves it and really would love to go then I would put some money towards it.

I was reluctant to share it with my mum, until she(coincedentally reminds me today that he hits the Big 50 next year)
When I shared it with her, she was reallly worried. She feels as though he shouldn't do risky things now he has two little babies. When he was younger he was racing moto-X. These days he rides his bike once in a while on his friend's property but hasn't entered a race in like, 10 years or so.

The brother I know and love goes with the flow and often does things to please people(I am a little like this).

His birthday is mid next year.

Any thoughts

[Guest_- Poppy -_*]

Your so bloody cute worrying about your brother like that!

You never grow out of it do you? Im the same with my little brother he is an adult but he is still my baby brother.

I wouldnt contribute but you cant stop him going if he wants to go.

Id email back and say I already had my heart set on getting him something else but thanks of thinking of me - enjoy your trip!

[namie]

I agree with Poppy. I hate going in on a present idea I'm unsure of, so I'd politely decline stating that you're already pitching on on another great present with your Mum and sister (if that wouldn't be a lie at least).

I had a fantastic idea for my 'little' brother for his 30th and refused to go in with mum and my sister on their idea because I knew he'd love what I was getting him. They didn't mind at all, and he loved both gifts.

[snortle]

Id email back and say I already had my heart set on getting him something else but thanks of thinking of me - enjoy your trip!

Perfect!

[JustBeige]

I wouldnt contribute but you cant stop him going if he wants to go.

Id email back and say I already had my heart set on getting him something else but thanks of thinking of me - enjoy your trip!

This is what I would do too. I would also start talking to him (in an off hand way)about rock climbing etc.

Maybe if he does love it as much as this family thinks he does, then you can buy some gear or supplies etc for his trip next year.

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

Id email back and say I already had my heart set on getting him something else but thanks of thinking of me - enjoy your trip!

I'd do this too.

In saying this, it is entirely possible that you may not be aware of how much your brother enjoys rockclimbing. You say

"I have seen a few photos on FB of him rock climbing with her and her family but he has never mentioned to me that he loves it. He has been married 3 years and I have seen only two rock climbing adventures on Facebook. His wife and family grew up in South America and travelled extensively. As children they were introduced to rock-climbing.
She mentions in the email that two of his friends are going on the adventure and since my brother has had his two children, he has missed rock climbing. Again - my brother has never mentioned this to me or my family!"

He probably wouldn't have married his wife if she was a mad rock-climbing nutter and he had very little interest in it. And yes, having children can dramatically impact your ability to go rock-climbing Sure, it's easy enough to do an hour or two in the local gym or bouldering around some local crags, but rock climbing often takes up whole days and whole weekends, which doesn't fit in well with babies and toddlers. My DH has virtually given up his 'serious' rock climbing when we had kids because he felt that it took up much of his time on weekends when he wanted to spend it with me and the babies.


You say

"When I shared it with her (Mum), she was really worried. She feels as though he shouldn't do risky things now he has two little babies."

Well, it sounds like your brother likes to do riskier sports. It's not your call or your mother's - it's his choice. Most of the guys I know who do 'risky sports' are actually very safety conscious, and don't need to be monitored by their families. They are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and making their own decisions.

If you know your brother has done rock climbing in the past, the next time you chat to him, ask him if he is managing to keep on top of it. It's likely he has never chatted much about his rock-climbing if he knows his family doesn't approve or just freaks out about it. I know a few guys who rarely mention their rock climbing to their family because they just got annoyed with all the negativity they received and realised their family were not supportive. It's just easier for them not to talk about it with their family (which is a shame because it is something they really enjoy doing). Maybe your brother did the same???

BTW, you said that your brother's SIL is hoping to surprise my brother with a very BIG wedding gift? Um, if he got married 3 years ago (like you say), isn't this gift idea a little late??? Maybe she meant for his 50th birthday? A week of rock-climbing in Thailand may be very appealing to him IF he's into rock-climbing. There are some great spots in Thailand. And it's reasonably cheap too.

This post has been edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne: 15/11/2012, 07:44 AM

[Phascogale]

Why don't you have a chat with your brother and talk to him about rock climbing? Mention that you've been speaking to his wife and she told you he was really interested so you just wanted to find out a bit more about it (because you are interested) hence why you're asking as you had no idea.

[mynoonmymidnight]

I would politely decline to contribute. If his wife's family want to make it happen, they will. If your brother wants to go, he will. If you don't like the idea for whatever reason, you don't have to contribute money towards it. There's nothing wrong with declining an offer like this.

[epg]

FTR rock climbing is not a particularly dangerous sport. Certainly nowhere near in the same league as motocross!

[MrsLexiK]

If you are worried if he will like it or not just decline. However I hope my DH doesn't stop doing the "risky" stuff he does, just because we are having a child because that would mean he changed from the person I fell in love with.