[julia*v]

I originally joined EB years ago when my DH wanted us to think about having kids. I wasn't ready. I asked some questions on here and the answers confirmed that I wasn't.

To be honest, I still don't think I am. It might sound selfish, but I like our life. I like our Sunday morning routine of a sleep in, lazy breakfast outside with the papers... visiting restaurants and new bars, travelling often enough...and not stressing too much about money.

In my head, if we had a baby, there are so many negatives... the thoughts that run through my head are: we won't have enough sleep, we'll never have time for us, I'll miss work, I'll really miss my income, we won't be able to eat out, I'd be lonely staying at home, we won't be able to do things with our friends, we won't be able to make plans spontaneously, travel will be much harder (and maybe not affordable?), breastfeeding would be difficult... and on it goes...

As you can see... I can think of many reasons that we shouldn't have a baby. Not to even start that the thought of labour and birth absolutely terrify me.

However, two of my close friends have had babies in the last three months. Both of them are quite bored at home, said they have heaps of time, the babies just sleep. I swear, I don't think I have ever seen them awake! They have had no problems breastfeeding, they still come out, do lots of visiting etc...

It started me thinking that maybe my perception of having a baby is unrealistic.

What is it really like?

This post has been edited by julia*v: 12/11/2012, 11:49 AM

[Escapin]

Yeah, I wasn't real keen about the whole idea either. And it IS pretty crazy, especially for the first few months. But the thing is, once you hold your baby in your arms, you just don't care any more!!! I could never have believed it before I got pregnant, but those hormones baby, they're pretty damn powerful

[laridae]

Newborns sleep heaps and are very portable, so no problems with going out, travelling etc.
Staying at home was boring (for me), so I went back to work. Good quality childcare is available, you just need to get your name on the list early enough. But since I went back to work, obviously the missing work & income things don't apply!

[ninaswalk]

In my head, if we had a baby, there are so many negatives... the thoughts that run through my head are: we won't have enough sleep, we'll never have time for us, I'll miss work, I'll really miss my income, we won't be able to eat out, I'd be lonely staying at home, we won't be able to do things with our friends, we won't be able to make plans spontaneously, travel will be much harder (and maybe not affordable?), breastfeeding would be difficult... and on it goes...

I found all these things to be true at times.
Fortunately, when my kids smile, laugh, tell me they love me, do something incredible, hug me, learn something new, fall asleep in my arms or do any number of things that make me proud, all the challenges are made worthwhile and I realise that there is far more important things than going out to lunch with friends

[Red Cabbage]

Even if you end up with a difficult baby, its only for the first year, after that, it just gets easier and kids adapt to your lifestyle.

[RealityBites]

Sheer hell

Seriously, I think you should only have a baby if you really, really want one, to get you over all the crappy bits. It's a decision that has to come from the gut, not the head.

[lozoodle]

Tedious, can be a nightmare if they have reflux. I really hate the newborn phase, though it was much easier to deal with second time around, I didn't seem as bothered by the unsettled periods etc.

I much prefer it from about 3 months in. Wish they came out like that (just not that big)

[tazcan]

It's easier to go out with a newborn/baby than a toddler, I can assure you.

[Dylan's Mummy]

Really, when your baby smiles at you none of those other things matter, it just brings tears to your eyes. If you want a family you will have to give up on certain things to an extent but the love you will feel for your baby far outweigh any of that. If nobody wanted to give up or put their social life on hold no one would have babies.

[rabbit hyde]

I can't tell you what it's like - because I'm still 7 weeks away from finding out myself.

But I understand how you feel, I was on FB the other week and saw and article about the renovations that had been done to the Newtown Hotel and looking and the leopard print pool table and tiki bar area - I swear I almost cried because I felt like I was missing out and that part of my life was over.

It's not selfish if you enjoy your life and your time with DH. I hate that a lot of women are made to feel as if their lives without children are meaningless and trivial.

I would suggest you talk to your DH and really look at if it's something that you want and that you both want. Maybe try and spend more time with your friends who have babies, you might learn something and they might appreciate the company.

I'm excited for the new chapter in my life and to see how me and DH adapt to the role of parents and what this baby will be like. But it's not for everyone and that is completely okay.