[ReginaGeorge]

I need to preface this by saying that I'm not sure what to do and I really need your advice. Saying nothing now is starting to worry me as I'm afraid that I'm not helping the situation, but enabling the situation.

Her son can't seem to do anything right and he's only 7 years old. I gently try to tell her that he's just a little boy, but she seems to think that because she had it tough growing up, that her son should be able to cope with the things she would do, such as hanging washing on the line and making his own bed. Her younger daughter on the other hand, is the apple of her eye and can do no wrong. I fear for her son, he is withdrawn and he seems so sad all of the time. He doesn't smile in photos anymore. He seems to lash out at small things, like if she tells him he can't watch TV because dinner is ready etc. She doesn't physically hurt the child though, so there is no risk to him physically.

I don't know what to do.

ETA- lashing out at small things is my interpretation. I don't disagree with no TV at dinner time, it's an example of a situation where he does lash out. She tells me these things. I am trying to work out if it's a cry for help or not.

This post has been edited by ReginaGeorge: 10/11/2012, 10:20 AM

[mumofsky]

Thats sad. Maybe tell her you dont think she seems happy around him and he seems to be responding, and can you help at all?

[Bek+3]

You will probably get a lot of replies from people telling you to mind your own business. My mother doted on my sisters and was always nasty to me. Nothing I did was ever right and what I did do wasn't anywhere near good enough. It has shaped my self esteem even now (I'm 34).

I know people noticed because as an adult, I have them making comment to me on the way I was treated and my sisters were favoured. I wish they got over minding their own business and told her to pull her head in. She needed to hear it but no one ever did.

Do what you think is right OP.

[ReginaGeorge]

Thanks, I don't know if there are other factors involved. I don't know if she had PND after having him, I don't know if there were bonding issues, I don't really even know all of the situation. We're friends from school, our boys are in class together, have been since kindergarten, but we have struck up a friendship and chat on Facebook. It's so hard to read her.

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

I'm not sure what you can do OP.

I'll admit it's difficult not to favour a baby to an older child. You do have higher expectations once a new baby comes a long. And babies are so cute even when they are 'naughty'. Example - 2 year old does something 'naughty', gives you a big grin and runs off giggling. 6 year old does something 'naughty', gives you a sneer, tells you you're not the boss of him, storms off slamming bedroom door.

She sounds stressed out. Perhaps offer her some time-out.

[Oriental lily]

How sad.

No doubt favoutitism happens in familes all the time.Even with children.

I don't know how receptive and grateful this woman would be with an outsider pointing this out though.
If you do say anything op be prepared for a denial and back lash op.

I feel sorry for the litte lad .

This post has been edited by Oriental lily: 10/11/2012, 09:47 AM

[soontobegran]

People will tell you to mind your own business for sure but I have seen the results of this type of favouritism and it is very sad. We all have moments of liking a child more than another which is usually related to behaviour or just the fact that you can 'gel' more with one particular child than the other but this has nothing to do with love and the requirement a parent has to love and nurture equally.
Parents simply should not ever behave in a way that would make a child feel less loved or less important as it will always end up in acting out which compounds the problem.

I also think the verbal and emotional abuse is more scarring than physical abuse at times.


ETA--As to what you can do? Probably not too much, the change won't come until the parent acknowledges the problem is theirs and not their childs.

This post has been edited by soontobegran: 10/11/2012, 09:49 AM

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

One thing you can do OP is to talk positive to her about her son - talk him up IYKWIM. Notice 'good' things he does, compliment him, to both him and her eg "I noticed John in the playground today helping another little boy on the swing, he's so thoughtful" "my son said John helped him with his bag today, what a kind boy".

[SarahM72]

I think it is perfectly reasonable to tell a child they can not watch tv because dinner is ready. In fact I would expect this. I also think it is perfectly reasonable to get a child to do chores around the house. I personally think it is quite reasaonble also to expect an older child to do a few harder chores, as they are more capable of helping.

All of my children except the two littlest ones do their own laundry. This isn't favouritism, but a reflection of their skill and ability level. Same as for bed making. The little ones are not able to do it, so I do it for them. The older ones can make their bed, so they are expected to do so.

There must be more to it than this. From what you have said I wouldn't assume that the younger child is favoured.

[bakesgirls]

Telling a 7 year old to make his bed and do some chores is favouritism? A 7 year old reacting to being told he can't watch TV for whatever reason sounds within the realms of normal to me.

OP, are you sure it's not just a different style of parenting to yours or what you would do? Is it the childs personality to not be very outgoing/happy natured? How old is the younger sister? That could have a big impact on the way they they are treated. I know that I would expect my 7 year old to do things like make their bed, but I don't think a 2 year old could do it. I was also more relaxed with my subsequent children, as it wasn't new territory for me anymore. My oldest though, being the oldest is still 'breaking new ground' so to speak. I know once she has done things, it will be easier for me to allow her younger siblings to do the same things in the future, because what she has done is no longer a new thing for me or her father.

I really don't know the situation, it could be favouritism, but from what you have discribed, it doesn't sound like favouritism to me.