[Studybug]

HI

Story is drawn out, big fat apologies...

I received a lovely generous offer of some movie tickets/dinner deal for DH and I plus DS being cared for whilst we're out. Totally lovely offer that we're appreciative of. The person who offered them: it was a gift from their partner, the tickets are to expire and they don't want to ask anyone to look after their kids in order to use them.

Anyway, DH finds out the tickets were actually a birthday gift, we think that's an awesome birthday gift, we'd feel more comfortable facilitating the couple using them rather than taking the tickets that this week, we can't afford to cover the costs of. (Also, I very reguarly hear of how they never get to do anything as a couple, no one will look after their kids, what makes their kids so bad no one will look after them, everyone else has support but them. FWIW, DH and I every few months offer to babysit for them at their house, whilst they go out, but they never take us up on it.)
So we offer to look after their children in their house, at a matinee session if they prefer (and because of a long history of knowing how the mum is with others looking after the kids) so kids will have own toys/beds for naps, can stick to own schedule, we're more flexible with only one child who we don't care if he happens to skip a nap whilst we're at their place, etc etc.

This offer is met with exasperation, and for the second time this week, the gift giver hangs up on me after getting snarky in the conversation.

Basically, I don't want to accept the tickets due to not wanting to feel as if we owe them anything, and also feeling like/knowing the tickets will come with unintended/unwanted consequences. This person is quite self-focussed and negative, and tends to play the martyr at times. I suspect she doesn't respect me as she tends to do things like hang up on me, and/or react quite negatively if I calmly disagree or be assertive (she's known for being domineering). As she's family I've allowed a certain amt of it to go on to keep the peace, but for the past 6-12mths, I've reduced contact with her somewhat, and taken other steps to buffer the negativity I get from her. Ahh, peace.

Anyway, they've gone and transferred the tickets into our names, called me and angrily said "it's done, just take the tickets" and hung up on me, again. The tickets have to be used either tonight or tomorrow. They're not looking after DS as we've since arranged for my mum to do so as she happens to be visiting. So now, we're in a position where if we call and say "actually, thanks but no thanks" then there will be a sh*t storm of why are we being so difficult/ungrateful, we've left it to the last minute to tell them and she'll basically be passive-aggressive for weeks, which for me, overrides the genorosity of the offer. Or we say "thank you" (which would be genuine) and go, I'll feel uncomfortable about accepting the tickets plus feel that I've enabled her to be rude and dismissive of me, even though the original offer was received with thanks and graciousness.


So, if you're actually still with me:
What do you think? Go or No?

Cheers.

[countrymel]

Go.

Sounds like she'll be huffy either way and this way you get to go out!

[Baggy]

You have a babysitter. Just go enjoy yourself and say thank you.

Try not to think too much into it.

[50ftqueenie]

Go and enjoy yourself. If they can't bring themselves to leave their children for a few hours that is their issue. Next time you see them bring cake or a bottle of wine to say thanks.

[InsertAwesomeHer...]

If she didn't have young kids I'd swear you were referring to my step mum.

You should go and have fun, sounds like she'll be difficult no matter what.

[starfire]

Weird response on their part

I'd just go and enjoy yourselves and not worry about feeling guilty.

You made the effort to allow them the opportunity to use their own tickets as originally intended, they said no and insisted on you using the tickets, then just go with it. Don't read too much into it.

I liked the suggestion one PP said to buy a bottle of wine or some cake as a thank you next time you see them but leave it at that. They have made their intentions very clear.

[kez71]

yes, go and enjoy yourselves. Maybe get her a bunch of flowers as a thankyou!

[JuliaGulia]

Go and enjoy yourself. Sounds like she'll be a PITA anyway, so you might as well have a good time.

ETA: And next time she complains about no-one babysitting for her, remind her that you have offered many times and been turned down.

This post has been edited by JuliaGulia: 09/11/2012, 03:02 PM

[jennywin]

You could outdo her in passive-aggressive stakes buy taking the tickets very gratefully, and not using them!! Ka-pow!

[doctorseuss]

Just go....don't think about it anymore.

I'd be exasperated to if you tried to give back a gift....don't you think she thought of asking for a babysitter for herself first? For whatever reason she's not going and doesn't want the tickets to go to waste.

Enjoy your night out - wish it was me