[liveworkplay]

Just want a few ideas on handling this situation. For a while now dd1 has been told by a classmate that she doesn't go to a real dance school as she doesn't do eisteddfords/competitions. I have told her to ignore said child as she is learning to dance and likes what she is doing. Now a classmate of dd2 is telling dd2 that she doesn't go to a proper swim school and that hers is for babies. Now our swim school is run by one of the top coaches in our area and the only reason my friend (girls mother) pulled her kids out and put them in the YMCA was due to scheduling of her kids classes.

I just want to mop it in the bud now before it gets to the point of having and adverse effect on my kids. at the moment they are not too upset about it.

[Ianthe]

Just tell your daughter it doesn't matter what they think. They are entitled to their (petty) opinion. This to me would be an opportunity to talk to my daughter about true friends not being people that point score.

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

There are always going to be kids like that! Just ignore it.

[katpaws]

Often children bully or taunt others so get a reaction, to get attention. If they don't get the reaction they are seeking - tears, anger, hurt etc - that can help them to stop it. It's hard explaining this to children. Not engaging in any dialogue with the bully/taunter can help.

[countrymel]

I would explain to my daughter that this girl is only doing this because she is jealous of you - otherwise why on earth is she interested?

People who aren't happy with their own situation try and ruin someone elses.

The last thing she wants to do is lower herself to this girls level so if she can a short "I hope that you like your swim/dance school, because I like mine - I think that is all that matters.."

[liveworkplay]

I do just tell them it's jealousy. Dd1 is good at ignoring it but dd2 is only 6 so finds it a bit harder. the trouble is that they have to socialise with these girls as dd1 is good friends worn the twin sister of her taunter and then play hockey together and dd1 is best friends with the brother of dd2s taunter plus we do lots of stuff.with that family.

I know it's just girls stuff but dh is finding it hard to deal with when.org happens on his watch.

[idignantlyright]

There was a girl DD18 went to primary school with. They both played on the school pssa soccer team. This other girl kept putting DD down and telling her she wasn't good enough, that she couldn't play at the level she did. DD made a team at the same level this girl did about 2yrs after this girl, but the nastiness didn't stop.
It finally stopped when DD made it onto the state team for indoor soccer/futsal and this girl didn't. Then when DD went on to make it on to a tour of the US.
The other girl finally got hers when the club she said wanted her sooooo badly, got rid of her because she was not good enough.
Now DD is being asked why she isn't playing. Which is actually health reasons, because her body needs a break and they cannot figure out what is wrong with it.
So tell your DD to not listen to this other girl and stay strong and do what she wants and feels is right. Girls like this other one always get caught out in one way or another.

[JustBeige]

I think its better to give your kids tools to deal with this type of behavour in a positive way as its never going to go away. Even in adulthood you get people who put others down to make themselves feel better.

I find that if my reaction is "meh" then they tend to take that onboard more and do the same to the child.

When they come to me to talk about personal interaction issues, I always ask them "Why does it matter what this child thinks?" Most of the time, they go "oh yeah" and its like they then feel they have permission to just ignore this person. Other times we talk about how true friends treat you and care for you.

My youngest has had to deal with bullying/meaness more through his years and he finds the best course of action (when someone is doing the 'you're not good enough because of xyz') is to ask them why they care. He just recently said to someone "you dont like me, I dont like you, so why do even care what I do?" This worked for him as they just flounced off and apparently a teacher who overheard was also happy with his handling of the situation.

[liveworkplay]

justbeige, I never thought to tell them that. I do say just ignore it, you know they are wrong, they're just jealous, but telling them to ask the other person why they care is a great one, thanks.

[lifehacker]

We try to explain the other childs motivation for being this way to our child. So I might try to explain that the other child obviously feels threatened and therefore feels the need to put down my childs experience. We ask our child to try and ignore it and not engage the child.
It will continue right throughout life so it's a good skill for your dd to learn now.