[boysx4]

DS2 is turning 4 next week and really wants to go to the play-centre with his friends on his birthday. He wants to do this because DS1 did it earlier in the year for his 5th birthday.
With 4 boys we can't afford parties for all of them every year, so we were going to make them set ages for parties (turning 5, turning 8 etc).

So I want to invite DS2's friends to come along without it being a party invitation (no presents etc) as I will want them to pay for themselves, rather than a party where I would pay for everything.
What's the best way to word this? Do I still bring a cake?

I don't want it to seem like a present grab, and I don't want to come across as a tight-ass.
I think I spend waaay too much time reading eb threads complaining about this stuff so I want to get it right!

[AgEm_my_world]

I would just invite a coupele of his friends for a play date for his bithday, Just tell the other mums that its not a party just a catch up? That way there is no pressure of that kind of thing?

[nlman]

So I want to invite DS2's friends to come along without it being a party invitation (no presents etc) as I will want them to pay for themselves, rather than a party where I would pay for everything. Do I still bring a cake?

To be honest, I would find this rather strange. It sounds like a play date rather than a party.

[bunnee]

DO you have to mention that it's his Birthday to the invitees? Could you not just say it's a playdate? If his Birthday is mentioned - even if you ask them not too - people will bring gifts.

[whale-woman]

Can you tell him the play centre is for special birthdays and he can have a party there next year when he's 5? I'd do the party somewhere free like home or the park and just tell the invitees that it's no bought presents. (I'm going to do this for DD as she has too much stuff and doesn't need more presents). If the other kids want to make some thing for a present - eg some craft or a card etc then fine.

I find the idea of an invite to a play centre for a birthday where you pay for your own kid a bit odd. Otherwise it's a play date and then people won't feel the motivation to attend like they would for a birthday.

This post has been edited by whale-woman: 22/10/2012, 07:39 AM

[Eirinn]

If you want to just have a playdate, call it a playdate and don't bring a cake. You will look like a tightarse if it turns into a party after everyone has paid their own entrance fees.

[JustBeige]

I would do the same as PP and tell him that play centres are for birthdays and take them to a park.

Otherwise, just make it a playdate and take a little cake with you.

[Moffetta]

Is he set on the play centre?

I would just do something at home or a park like pp said.

At that age they think anything with balloons is a party, I did this for dd 4th birthday this year. We had it at home with 2 friends, some balloons, sandwiches, lollies, biscuits and cake nothing too flash but she still felt special and had a great play with her friends.

I think you could do that cheaper then the entry to the play centre for your 4.

[ekbaby]

I would just invite a coupele of his friends for a play date for his bithday, Just tell the other mums that its not a party just a catch up? That way there is no pressure of that kind of thing?

I think you could say something like the above.

TBH though I would probably still be prepared to pay for the other children's entry. From an "invitee" perspective, if you are invited to a playcentre for a playdate for no special reason, it's easy to say no if you couldn't afford it, or suggest another place, if you are invited for a child's birthday I'd feel like I couldn't really say no therefore I think it could create resentment having to pay.

Are you very close with the parents of the other kids? If the parents are very close friends I think it could totally work as you can talk openly about these things, if they are the friends from preschool or something like that where you don't really know the parents, it might be more awkward. Are these people that you would normally catch up at a playcentre with anyway?

I'm not sure how much playcentre entry is (I'm guessing around $15?) so if money was tight I would rather invite just 2-3 friends, bring my own cake and make it a very casual playcentre party... $45 is not that much to spend.

Other options would be just having the same kind of thing in a park- then you could invite as many of his friends as you want- just call it something like "having a play in the park, and we might bring a cake along".

I have a group of friends who meet regularly in the park for playdates anyway, and when it's been a child's birthday if we want to have a casual birthday we just say "Hey it's X's bday that week, we'll bring a cake"

I think if you only want to have parties certain years then you have to explain that to your child, rather than trying to give him the same sort of party that his brother had, but making other people pay for it IYKWIM

[MrsShine]

If the other mums are women you're close to, could you just tell them the truth?
Say via text or phone call (not email as its too close to a genuine invitation) we're not having a party for DS2's birthday this year, but on x/x/x day we'll be going for a little play at said play centre.
If you're free to come along for a play & a catch up we'd love to see you.
Maybe do it on a weekday (assuming you don't work) as this is less full on, and DS2 is less likely to see other kids parties in full swing.
If you can stretch to it, have baby cinos, or a little snack together afterwards.
But I'd say save the cake for family time at home with his brothers.
Even just invite cousins and a few close family friends?
But I'd make sure this is well explained to DS2 and the other boys as you don't want them feeling like one gets more attention than another iykwim.