[ItsOKtoSAYno]

My DD had huge tantrums from when she is tiny until the day we took her off gluten.
Turns out she is coeliac.

DD is 16 now and if she accidentally gets gluten wow does she get cranky and moody. ... or maybe that is just because she is a teenager :rolleyes

[Shirley Sue]

Agree with all the advice to ignore.

However the throwing of food onto the ground I wouldn't have accepted. This would have got my DD into big trouble and she would have been put into her room until she was ready to apologise. It's just plain bad behaviour.

Also I wouldn't have put him into his swing - if it's a favourite thing then he's kind of being rewarded which is nt what you want.

And I wouldn't have given an sausages until he'd fully calmed down. No sausages until you stop carrying on!

But then I'm a big stricty pants when it comes to this sort of thing. I believe if you 'give in' even slightly, even once , then they know they can break you, it's just a matter of time lol.

Best of luck OP.

Totally agree with this. I would only reward positive behaviour. I also think being calm and sure of yourself when dealing with meltdowns goes a long way. When kids see that you are not completely confident they will latch onto this quickly and take advantage.

I highly recommend Pinky McKay's "toddler tactics" which has a few good ideas in it.

Tantrums seem to decrease once they are more verbal- hang in there op!

[amabanana]

I did all the things mentioned in this thread - ignoring etc but the tantrums didn't stop or get any better until we did the Failsafe diet and found DD had food intolerances. There was an immediate improvement and if DD accidentally eats stuff she shouldn't I can tell by the tantrums and violent behavior. I'm not saying this is applicable to you but it is worth considering.

[Doodalicious]

I agree with not giving him the sausages until he calms down, as he might think the tantrum "worked" and got him what he wanted. My boy carries on the same way and even hits me at times but the most effective response I have found so far is to just leave the room and wait for him to get over it by himself.

[Bluenomi]

DS has been throwing tantrums since he was about 1 years old. Nothing big they usually last a minute or so until I distract him and he is over it.

Lately his tantrums have been extreeme and I really dont know what to do with him.

For example last night we were having a BBQ for dinner, he saw the sasuages that DH was cooking and decided he wanted to eat one but they were raw. I tried to explaining to him that the sasauges were for our dinner but they were raw and needed to be cooked. But he just exploded into a hysterical fit, threw himself on the floor, banged his bead on the ground repeatedly, hit himself in his face, he was inconsolable.

If I tried to pick him up he would just kick and hit and scream so I let him just be angry for a bit until he calmed down a little and then put him in his chair and offered him something else. When he saw the bowl that I put in front of him didnt contain sasauges he threw it on ground with a lot of force because it ended up all over the floor - got a lot of distance!

I tried distracting him by putting him in his swing (which is one of his favourite things to do) but he just screamed and screamed. He didnt stop crying until he got his sasauges, his tantrum would of lasted 10 minutes.

Its becomig a common everyday occurance now and I just dont know how to deal with it. It seems like everytime I tell him no or dont give him what he wants he just loses it.

Any advice?

Only 10 minutes? He needs some lessons from DD She once kicked and screamed on the kitchen floor for 45 mintues because I asked her what bowl she wanted her breakfast in.

As others have said ignore. I usually leave the room and just stick my head in every now and check she's ok (and usually get screamed at)

The important thing is to not give in and give them what they want, otherwise they just keep doing it!

[Manicmum]

Sorry to disagree, it depends on the child. For my DD what set off the tantrum and the tantrum itself are not related. Once the hysteria sets in, she needs me. She knows I won't give in, but I can hug her and help her deal with her emotions.

I would be devastated if I was hysterical and no-one cared, I felt tht way many times as a child.

[lsolaBella]

DD's best effort clocked 1hr 40mins. DS2 once on the drive to Syd (from Melb) tantrumed for 50 mins in the car before he passed out asleep from the tantrum, slept for and hour then woke up and continued to scream for another hour. I agree with PP 10 mins is nothing.

Being Verbal does not necessarily improve things either (cue very verbal 2.75yo little miss at the shops today.... it took 90 mins to get some bread and pick up my skirt at the alteration place).

I just calmly watched while she lay on the floor refusing to budge etc.

The only time it becomes a real pain is when I have to be somewhere, otherwise I just wait her out.

This post has been edited by lsolaBella: 20/09/2012, 12:33 PM

[EBeditor]

Pretty normal unfortunately! I ignore the tantrum but still offer cuddles when they are ready to calm down. I don't think offering comfort is 'giving in' - just as long as you don't give them whatever they were screaming about.

I find tantrums are worse when the child is tired or sick, and when they are having problems being able to find the words to explain how they are feeling.

[Tesseract]

I would be devastated if I was hysterical and no-one cared, I felt tht way many times as a child.

Agree with this ^^

DD has tantrums too. This morning she had one for 10 minutes after she woke up and I still have no clue why. I *think* she wanted me to breastfeed her on her bed with her toy cat instead of taking her to my bed. Anyway she lost the plot (she probably woke up too early as well). To me it was ridiculous, but to her she was really, really stressed.

Here is an excert from a fabulous book called "The Science Of Parenting: How today's brain research can help you raise happy, emotionally balanced children" on toddler tantrums.

http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/tackling-di...with-brain.html

Obviously you need to distinguish between a true distress tantrum and...well another sort...however I tend to err on the side of caution. And some children need time alone to calm down etc. However it's about being responsive to your child's needs and not just treating all tantrums as "Bad Behaviour" and isolating them.

From my perspective ignoring "bad behaviour" doesn't make the behaviour or the reasons for it go away, it just tells the child that you only care about them when they are expressing positive emotions. There are other ways to teach children about socially acceptable ways to deal with disappointment than isolating them until they realise that nobody cares if they're upset about something.

[Ruby Gloom]

It took us a long time with our 6.5 year old to work out what was a true "naughty tantrum" and what was a "distressed tantrum" that needed a different tact. With our 2 year old I will ignore a true naughty tantrum, intervene if he's at risk of hurting himself and comfort if it gets out of control and he needs help calming down.

One of the best pieces of advice I got from a professional ,who our 6.5 year old sees for behavioural issues, is to "weather the storm and model staying calm".