[Moo point]

DS is 6 weeks old, and I'm struggling a little with his daytime naps/feeding.

He will sleep for hours at a time - providing he's lying on or being worn by me (or DH). Otherwise, anytime I get him to sleep or he falls asleep feeding, no matter how long I wait, if I put him down he is awake within minutes. It doesn't matter if I lay him down in his bassinet (where he sleeps at night, and quite well), on the floor in the same room as me, in his rocker, on any surface, noisy or quiet, bright or dark. The only time he will stay asleep is on his tummy on a modified "chair" we've created that mimics what it's like for him to lie on our chests semi-upright. So of course I have to keep an eye on him (though he has great neck control) and can't have a nap myself. I haven't had a day sleep in 4 weeks

The thing is, at night time we can either put him to sleep on one of us, or rocking in his bassinet, and 9 times out of 10 he will be asleep and any transfer to the bassinet he stays asleep. I don't know why day time is different? And regardless of how much sleep he has during the day he can be crotchety in the evening - there doesn't seem to be a correlation!

Although I don't really mind holding him while he sleeps, I'm a bit frustrated not having a chance to do anything (including having a much needed nap myself). I have a moby wrap-type sling, and have worn him in that, but I don't find it easy to do anything more than sit down anyway.

And we have no semblance of a routine. He seems to be feeding (exclusively breastfed) every 2 hours or so, with longer sleeps at night, but the thing is, if he stays asleep on me his feeds get extended out, but if he is awake more he feeds more and is more unsettled. I find it hard to get out as I can't predict at all whether he will sleep in his pram, or need a feed shortly, or will be distressed - I have had some breastfeeding issues (he has slight reflux and can go from contented sucking to screaming in an instant so feeding in public is a bit daunting).

I went to my first mother's group the other day, and the child health nurse said at this stage we may need to contact Tresillian as sleeping on us is a bad habit and he needs to be settled in other ways (she called it "comforted settling" not controlled crying, but I have my doubts). Surely he's too young?

And he's not overly settled even when he's awake. I maybe get 10-15 mins between feeds where he is content, but he never seems really "happy" - he'll lie there awake breathing quite rapidly and kicking and seems on the verge of stressing out (but maybe as he's not smiling a lot yet I'm misreading his cues?) He cries out when I leave the room for too long.

Anyway thanks if you got this far, any suggestions, advice or sympathy greatly appreciated!

[deejie]

I went to my first mother's group the other day, and the child health nurse said at this stage we may need to contact Tresillian as sleeping on us is a bad habit and he needs to be settled in other ways (she called it "comforted settling" not controlled crying, but I have my doubts). Surely he's too young?

Nurses who say stuff like this to vulnerable Mums about a SIX week old baby drive me crazy. Six weeks is too young to form bad habits. It is normal for babies to want to be close to their Mums and it is great that your baby is doing some decent stretches at night for you, even though the days are frustrating.

The first 12 weeks are sometimes referred to as the "fourth trimester". It is a period of great adjustment for your baby, they are used to everything being provided for them, used to being snug and warm and sleeping on/being held by their parents mimics this feeling of comfort in the womb. All I could do with my two was invest in a decent carrier (Hug-A-Bub and Ergo for us) so I could carry on with my usual day while they slept on me. Do whatever you can to get through this period. By 3 months they were both starting to have proper naps in their cot/pram during the day.

Everything you describe for a six week old sounds perfectly normal to me. They feed very frequently and can have long periods of being unsettled, particularly in the evenings. This website http://www.purplecrying.info/ is really useful for describing normal newborn behaviour for feeding and sleeping.

There is a wonderful article by Pinky McKay that talks about people telling you what you "should" do with your babies rather than following your instincts and the self doubt it can create in new Mums. I read it often and it's one of my favourites:

http://www.pinky-mychild.com/baby/baby-art...y-should-on-you

Everything you are doing sounds just fine, you are doing a great job Utilise any help available, your DH, grandparents, friends to try and get a rest when you can. The first couple of months are relentless and exhausting-- hang in there, it does get better.

edit- changed to/too

This post has been edited by deejie: 10/08/2012, 11:17 AM

[Eirinn]

The first 12 weeks are sometimes referred to as the "fourth trimester".

I was coming in to say exactly this! Google it OP, it sounds like your baby is pretty normal to me. My kids were the same in the first months. I just pop the baby in the sling and go for a walk - they can sleep ages that way, and I always found it a lovely way to cuddle them.

I found routines just happened organically later on, you will get to know their cues as they become more obvious. You will!

[ausmumof2]

It sounds totally normal for the age, sleep will develop and improve later... it does feel confining at the time but if you can hang in there for another four to six weeks it should start improving.

[Tesseract]

Everything deejie said! She is a wise woman!

Your baby is normal. Your MCHN sounds like mine, habits - at 6 weeks - lol. And you're right to have your doubts about 'comfort settling' - if you check out the raising children gov't website they have a description of what it is, then at the bottom they even refer to it as controlled crying! If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a duck.

It can be a really difficult time, but it will pass. Your baby will settle into a more discernible rhythm in the next few months and you'll get a handle on things. In the meantime, just remember that if at the end of the day the baby and you are fed, and you haven't thrown the baby out the window, then it has been a successful day!

Have you tried breastfeeding lying down? It took me ages to get the hang of it (we had breastfeeding dramas at the start too, a lot of women do), but when I did it was fabulous. I would feed lying on my bed, then when bub fell asleep I would dislodge her off my nipple and go to sleep myself. Because she was still snuggled into me and hadn't been moved, she didn't wake up. We both had a good nap.

You could google the "Pantly Dance" which is a method for transferring a sleeping baby from arms to bassinet, it worked for us too.

I didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding while out and about until at least 3 months. But now I do it anywhere and everywhere. Be patient with yourself, there is no pressure to be super woman right from the start, it takes time

[cassi8]

We had the reverse for DS2, he would need to be held all night and be ok during the day, it turned out that his reflux was keeping him awake. If you think there is something wrong get him checked at the GP. I do remember the first few months with DS1 being like that though, slept fine at night and just wanted to be held all day, drove me insane until I figured out how to do stuff with the moby on and that he was happy in the stroller for extending periods. I am sure I bought more than I needed that year wandering the shops all the time!

[Rosepickles]

Agree with everything the PPs have said.

I went INSANE trying to do what the clinic nurses said, I remember being out of my mind because I had not started self settling with my 9 week old. Honestly, it does not matter. For now, go with the flow. When your baby is older, and I mean much older, you can start thinking about teaching him to sleep not on you, but for now relax and enjoy that beautiful feeling of having your baby asleep on you.

Good luck

[Madeline's Mum]

Great advice from PPs, the fourth trimester is something you should definitely look up, might help you feel more comfortable with what you have been doing (which is an amazing job by the way)

We have the ergo and the moby wrap and found the moby harder to manipulate when H was really young. We get much more use out of it now that is he one. Can you get your hands on a ergo, I swear it saved my sanity when H was little.

Can you try to have sleeps in the day with your LO, I know it's not ideal from what you have been saying, but sleep is sleep and sounds like you would really benefit from it..

Is there someone who can come over and take your LO for a walk while you have a shower and eat something?

The best advise I got was to pick someone who I feel parents and has the same values as me and take only their advice.. Otherwise it's too conflicting and confusing.

You are doing an amazing job, your LO sounds really content and happy with mum and dad.

[bikingbubs]

Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job! As PP's have said - its totally normal! My DS was identical and refused to nap anywhere but on me, so until I just accepted thats how it was, it would drive me crazy! After a while he started to have his day sleeps in his bassinet and I missed him being on me

[Moo point]

Thank you all so much for your responses, and for the votes of confidence Damn hormones, I’m all teary. I am struggling a little with the sheer overwhelming responsibility of taking care of this little person, more from a psychological standpoint, so it’s good to know he is doing ok. My mum is here one day per week and DH is home nights and weekends and is very hands on – he has no expectations about me doing anything except keeping DS alive, bless him I get up when DH is getting ready for work and have a shower before he leaves, which is great. If DS is awake he will have a shower with DH, DS loves it

We actually have an ergo carrier which we haven’t tried yet but I will try that and the sling more as it would be great to have my hands free. DS has started to cry a little in the pram so going for walks while carrying him may be better. And yep, i will probably buy more at the shops, we have a great little village 5 mins away. I want to work up to going out for brunch!

I do try and rest when DS sleeps, just haven’t worked out logistically how to do this? I’ve tried taking him into bed, but he wakes if I lie him down next to me. He is sleeping koala style on my front, so all I can do is try to doze half reclining I suppose? I do rest when he’s lying on his tummy but I can’t sleep as I’m too worried – I swear he has a death wish, he LOVES burying his face in hands/on my chest/in my armpit LOL!

A few things the MCHN said annoyed me. Like when I mentioned I bring DS into bed with me for night feeds and feed him lying down (ABA advice for my overactive letdown and gives me rest) she told me off for how dangerous it is, and how we all should be feeding from both breasts each feed. DS only needs one side, and block feeding helped get my oversupply/letdown under control! I felt quite confident ignoring her on the breastfeeding front as DS is a champion feeder, thriving and gaining weight, but the settling/naps I wasn’t so sure of. Other mums in the class seemed even less confident than I, so I do worry how they are feeling. Next week’s session is on sleep and settling which will be interesting...