[MotherMonkey]

I'm currently studying online, & when I work (only once or twice a week at the moment) my son goes to his grandparents place. This means that we haven't required any childcare.
At the moment (21 months) he is going through a phase of being nervous around other little kids. He is happy to interact with them on his own terms (if it's him offering them a toy etc) but will burst in to tears if they come too close/touch him, & will leave toys etc if they want to play with them too. Is this normal?
This is our first & only child (at the moment) & I worry that it is my fault that he isn't very socially confident.
We go to Gymbaroo & he has cousins/children of friends that he sees fairly regularly, it's just that it almost seems like you are sheltering your child too much if you don't have them in care...
I just want to make sure I'm doing all I can to help him be a happy & confident little person.

[Tiamo]

My children have never been to child care and are both very social and good at interacting with other children. (DD 3 and DS 18 months)

Most children are parallel playing rather than interacting at your son's age.

I would keep up the play dates and perhaps join a regular play group and slowly work on building confidence and trust of other children. I think under 2 closely supervised play dates work best.

[Ehill]

Your child sounds very similar to my DD. she was very shy at this stage, clung to me in busy situations, hated rough, loud kids. She was not at childcare and I had no intention of sending her. I spoke to loads of people about it with similar shy kids and they are agreed that throwing them into a busy childcare situation is the worst thing you can do! They encouraged me to have more 1 on 1 playdates especially with slightly older kids (who dont get in their face as much) and we started kindergym which was great as the kids are constantly moving and not actually playing with each other. She gained confidence gradually and at 2.5 I started her at a 2-4 yo kindy one morning a week. She was very reserved and anxious for about a month and from then on fine, brilliant in fact. Has done wonders for her confidence BUT I waited until she was old enough to speak up for herself better.

Hope that helps. It is not easy having a shy kid although on the plus DD was always SO easy at home with just the two of us. She still clings at busy parties but she is getting better.

So I suppose my answer is....NO....I dont think childcare is necessary but you should make an effort to have the playdates, playground trips etc.

Edited to add that I am a firm believer that your child is their personality when they are born. You are doing a great job and nothing you have done has 'made him shy or quiet'. He is who he is!

This post has been edited by Ehill: 08/08/2012, 08:53 PM

[libbylu]

No. There is no long term benefit from attending formal childcare/kinder until they are aged 4. If you come from a disadvantaged family or one where English is a second language then there is long term benefit from attending from age 3. Before that you can just as easily to play dates, playgroups and classes with your little one.
Having said all that, there is no demonstrated harm from childcare either, so do whatever suit your circumstances best.

[MotherMonkey]

Your child sounds very similar to my DD. she was very shy at this stage, clung to me in busy situations, hated rough, loud kids. She was not at childcare and I had no intention of sending her. I spoke to loads of people about it with similar shy kids and they are agreed that throwing them into a busy childcare situation is the worst thing you can do!

It is not easy having a shy kid although on the plus DD was always SO easy at home with just the two of us.

I am a firm believer that your child is their personality when they are born. You are doing a great job and nothing you have done has 'made him shy or quiet'. He is who he is!

Thank you so much everyone, this has been a great help.
Ehill, I agree that my son has just been born a gentle soul, & I love that he is so affectionate & good natured. He has certainly made the last 21 months a joy, I just don't want to make the 'real world' too much of a shock for him
I guess we will just continue as is & he will grow in confidence with time. When I consider the alternative (a brutish, bully of a child) I think I'd much prefer this problem!
Thanks once again to everyone for their time
xx

[winnifred]

"brutish bully of a child"

really? is it necessary to disparage the temperament of other 20month olds to make you feel better about your son?

they are all babies - and they are all just learning how to be with others.

[MotherMonkey]

"brutish bully of a child"

really? is it necessary to disparage the temperament of other 20month olds to make you feel better about your son?

they are all babies - and they are all just learning how to be with others.

Winnifred, I am so sorry to cause offense, but I think you misunderstand me.
I agree they are all just bubs who are learning where they fit in life, but I have had genuine experience with children (friends & family) who have real difficulty with the aggression & tolerance levels of their kids (I will admit however that in each case they have had older siblings).
Whether it is wrong or not, I DO prefer that my son is quiet. His lack of confidence only affects us & most others don't even consider it a problem (or like that he is placid). A child who deliberately causes physical pain & is difficult & destructive (whether they understand it or not) does affects others, & I'd rather not be in that kind of situation.
I don't feel this is an unusual predilection?

[joy6328]

My DD doesn't go to Childcare either - I work full time, my hubby does FIFO and we have a live in Au Pair.

She is supremely confident, no fear, adores other children and animals - but has no concept of sharing. Not in a bad way - but when other kids rip things out of her hands or steal her toys / food - she just shrugs her shoulder and goes and gets something else.

I think this is just her personality. The same as your little boy. He might just be a gently, sensitive and quiet little soul.

[MotherMonkey]

She is supremely confident, no fear, adores other children and animals - but has no concept of sharing. Not in a bad way - but when other kids rip things out of her hands or steal her toys / food - she just shrugs her shoulder and goes and gets something else.

She sounds like a pleasure joy6328, it must be lovely to know she is such a happy & contented little girl. It's all we ask for our children

[joy6328]

She sounds like a pleasure joy6328, it must be lovely to know she is such a happy & contented little girl. It's all we ask for our children

What a beautiful comment! Thank you!

Yes - I adore her and it warms my heart to see her just take on the world with a no fear attitude. I hope it is something that is never stomped on or lost

x