[stella80]

So my husband gets shirty with me if I chime in with an occasional 'No' towards our child when he is playing with her and she needs reigning in, saying he can handle it and has it under control. I don't see it that he doesn't! I just feel that we are more of a united front when it comes to discipline but he feels like its going to show her that he is a push over.

How do you handle it with your kids? Do you both say something or do you just butt out and ignore it when partner is with the kids?

[3_for_me]

If he's with the children it's my turn to take a break, he's big enough to tell them off if they are misbehving. It sounds to me like you don't agree on the level of discipline needed and think he is too soft, maybe you need to sit down and discuss your expectations.

[MrsNorthman]

If he's playing with them then its his decision. I can see why he would be annoyed.

[Natttmumm]

We both chime in whenever but that's just us. We both like the back up!

[Hungry Caterpill...]

I am on your husbands side here. You can create a united front during family time. While your DH is having one on one time with your DD I think in interrupting to discipline her you are undermining his authority.

DH and I clash on this at times mainly because I have more patience than he does.

[Tesseract]

Sounds like he's more annoyed that it feels like you are watching over his shoulder to see if he's parenting right. While I don't have a problem with us both chiming in what you've described would annoy me too.

Then again our approach is to only say no if she's putting herself in danger or hurting people/property/the cat, so we don't really say no very often.

[tenacious2]

I think that ideally you both need to be on the same page with your parenting beliefs. If you are, you will feel comfortable letting your partner do the behavior management when he is playing with your child. Until you get to that point maybe you could have a code word, or specific 'look' that will communicate to him that your child needs pulling up on her behavior.

I understand both your frustration with DH not picking up on behavior that you would normally address, and also his frustration at you undermining his authority in front of her. Often we (the mums) spend the majority of time with the child and the dads just get the ferral end of the day to share with the kids!

Perhaps start by agreeing on some family rules or guidelines so that your DH and DD understand what is, and what is not acceptable behavior, and a plan to follow if she don't comply. The best consequences are natural ones, eg. If you hit someone with a toy the toy is removed for a period of time and she must say "sorry for hurting them".

In sheer frustration with behavior problem with my kids I enrolled in a Positive Parenting Program (PPP) and would highly recommend it, preferably with your DH. See http://www1.triplep.net/

[Lil Chickens]

I do that too and I am always telling myself to stop as I agree with your DH, his time he handles it.

Like 3_for_me says I know I do it as I think he is being too soft or taking too long to reign her in. I have to make myself hold my tongue. He has only once told me to let him handle it but I think he feels the same way as your DH.

[*mylittleprince*]

I think it's important to create a join force so your children know you are on the same page. It also means you are consistent if one of you is away/not present.

DH and I had many discussions about discipline and child rearing as we had different approaches. I would get upset that he was too tough (and shouted sometimes). He would get upset that I wasn't tough enough. We have done a lot of reading, chatting and have come up with a general approach that we are both happy with.

[A.K.A]

If the kid is not listening and is being testy then yeah I'll give some backup, (in the form of 'Listen to your daddy etc' however in the past if I've thought he was too soft I waited till we were alone to say something.

This post has been edited by A.K.A: 11/05/2012, 08:41 PM