[Belle~Vie]

The thread about expecting a male partner to pay for his female date has got me wondering..

Would you expect your potential fiancé to ask your Father's permission or blessing for your hand in marriage?

Is this romantic or kind of derogatory, after all you Dad doesn't own you?



FWIW it doesn't bother me either way. My DH asked me, we notified our parents afterwards. We already had a child together & we didn't ask their permission for that so I guess (if we'd even given it a thought, which we didn't) that it was none of their business. Our life, our choice to live it as we chose to

[pratique]

Might want to reword the title!

This topic has been done a few times. Doing a search will give you an interesting insight.

[ChunkyChook]

My dad passed away a few years ago so I dont have a dad to ask.

I dont think it is the done thing anymore and wouldnt worry me if my dad wasnt asked if he was alive.

[Belle~Vie]

Might want to reword the title!

Oh yeah! Ah well. Sleep deprived & I can't think of another way to word it to make it clearer so will have to do.

I know there tends to be a negative reaction to bringing up old posts, I was just thinking of the topic so didn't do a search or anything.

If people aren't interested then this can be deleted or whatever it's not really a big deal, just a triffling musing.

This post has been edited by Belle~Vie: 18/04/2012, 01:38 PM

[Riotproof]

Personally, I do think it's sexist. I understand it's traditional, but IMO, that doesn't mean it should be blindly followed. I know women who feel differently and would be upset if the proposer hadn't asked their father. Presumably, if you're asking someone to marry you, you'll know her stance on the issue.

[countrymel]

Two of my cousins had their future husbands ask their fathers for permission - and the father said NO!

Very uncomfortable!

In the case of one, her boyfriend had 'knocked her up' and even though my Aunt and Uncle were very conservative people my Uncle would not give his blessing and even worse would not sign the papers allowing them to marry (she was under age) they lived 'in sin' until my cousin was 19 and able to sign away her own life!

Unfortunately my Uncle was right - the husband was a jerk and they are now very acrimoniously divorced.

The other cousin just put her Mum on the case who eventually talked her husband around.

[julzely]

I would have hated it if my DH had asked my parents permission.

The main reason is that I don't want them to know that I'm getting engaged before I do.
Thankfully DH knew this before he proposed, but my Dad was still offended that DH didn't ask him

[titch482]

i love the fact that DH asked my Dad, and both my parents appreciated this as well. i dont think it is sexist at all, and a courtesy that i'm glad bothof us agreed on. i understand that its not appropriate for everyones circumstances and lifestyles but really suited ours, and our relationsships with our parents/families

[tothebeach]

I think, as an adult, I make my own decisions. This includes who I marry and I would think it very strange if a prospective partner had asked my parents permission first.

I would have a similar reaction if the bank manager wanted my husband's signature for me to open a bank account.

[HeroOfCanton]

Permission implies that my my father owns me - and if DH didnt know me well enough to know that it would make me upset, then I wouldn't be marrying him anyway