[Wrangler]

I don't know why you split up, but the only sure way to ensure this doesn't happen is to make sure you stay together with your child's father. I hope you did everything in your power to keep the relationship healthy and together.

[personal attack removed by moderator]

Sometimes the guy is just a ass.

This post has been edited by Jupiter: 30/05/2010, 01:34 PM

[PurpleWitch]

how do you keep a relationship going when your partner runs off to another country with someone else?

Clearly it's the OP's fault.
If she treated him better, he wouldn't have run off.

[TEN!]

They split up, then he met someone else, and moved OS to be with her. That is what she wrote. What exactly is the problem with him doing that?

According to EB logic he should never be happy or have another relationship because he split up with the OP. The OP has a new relationship - why is it not OK for her ex-partner to do that?

I think its really important to maintain persepctive. He is not necessarily an evil person because of this. Maybe the OP left him. Maybe she made access impossible, and for his own mental health he decided it was easier to sever contact. It wouldn't be the first time someone on this forum has done that to an ex.

It always amazes me that people glibly bring children into doomed relationships and then b**ch about the effect on their children. Never stopping for minute to see how they may have contributed to their child's problems. If you don't honestly examine causes of situations, you are doomed to repeat them.

[insertemotion]

Above all else, I make sure that DD can talk about it. The fact that DD's father isn't in her life doesn't mean she needs to hide her feelings, or never talk about him.
We ask her regularly how she is, if she has any questions, if she misses him, etc etc
A lot of people think that the child will bring things up if they are upset or don't understand something, but they rarely do. Or that if you mention it, you will remind them and rub their nose in that a parent doesn't see them. If they feel like that, chances are they feel like that as standard and talking about it doesn't make them suddenly create those feelings. We are at the stage where she just shrugs her shoulders and says she has nothing to say and doesn't even think about him any more.

This post has been edited by insert-emotion-here: 30/05/2010, 01:30 PM

[PurpleWitch]

What exactly is the problem with him doing that?

He has a child. The child should come first.

[TEN!]

So you're happy to never have sex or affection again, or your children in your life if you and your DH split up then Anna?

[Caramel Queen]

If your exDP is just lazy/inconsiderate/indifferent, rather than being callous & cruel, then he may respond to you facilitating the relationship between DD and himself. For example, you could call/Skype him every Sunday night, or call/email him and ask him/his partner to send a letter and some photos of the new baby. DD could make a tape of herself talking/singing for her little brother. Perhaps with regular prompting and actually getting to know DD he might start to take on the responsibility himself, and if not, at least you will have done all in your power to ensure they have a relationship.

I agree that his new partner may well be sympathetic to your DD's situation and become an ally in getting him to take some responsibility.

Good luck.

[Guest_Boiled Snags_*]

The OP didn't say anywhere that she has a problem with her ex having repartnered, so I have no idea what you're on about there, Privileged.

She's angry because he has basically abandoned their daughter, does not contact her and the OP is merely wondering how best to handle this for the sake of her DD.

[insertemotion]

He has a child. The child should come first.

Not always. In my personal experience some times it is easier and better if one of the parents removes themselves from the situation.

My mother was toxic, she made it very difficult on my father when they split up. She wouldn't allow him to have me overnight or for me to live with him and my mother would say things in my ear and tell me that my father didn't want me . He decided to 'let her win' so to speak and went off to live his life. He found another wife and had more children. I saw him every few months for a saturday and that was about it. Then when I was in my late teens we reconnected and have a wonderful relationship. He still feels guilt for what he did, but as his daughter I don't blame him from walking away from my mum (which also meant me). Sometimes people are just toxic and the situation cannot be helped by one staying.

This no way reflects on the OP, I have no idea her situation. I just think, like most things, it's not always easy to say 'His child should come first'. Sometimes walking away is putting the child first.

This post has been edited by insert-emotion-here: 30/05/2010, 01:36 PM

[Jupiter]

I have removed a couple of posts and edited others because they contained personal attacks.

It is understandable that people may disagree with Privileged but this can be conveyed without resorting to name-calling.

Thanks.