[i-love-my-son]

How do you tell if there's an elephant in your bed?
By the big 'E' embroidered on his pyjamas.

[BadCat]

How do you tell if an elephant's been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.

Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellos?
So he could hide upside down in the custard.

What do elephants use for tampons?
Sheep.

[i-love-my-son]

What's thick, yellow and deadly.
Shark-infested custard.

Why did the elephant wear blue pyjamas to bed?
Because his red ones were dirty.

How do you fit 4 elephants in a Mini Minor?
2 in the front, 2 in the back.

How do you tell if an elephant's been in your fridge?
There's one footprint in the butter.

How do you tell if two elephants have been in your fridge?
There's two footprints in the butter.

How do you tell if three elephants have been in your fridge?
There's three footprints in the butter.

How do you tell if four elephants have been in your fridge?
There's a Mini Minor parked outside.

[cb2]

3 people were on a quiz show.
The quiz master asked the question:
Old Mc Donald had a ....??
Please say you answer and spell it
The first person said:

Ranch ....R a n c h

The second said

Barn....B a r n

The third person said
Farm.....E I E I O!!

[cb2]

The 3 little pigs went to the pub.
They consumed quite a lot and the first pig said I need to go to the toilet, so off he went
the second said I need to go to the toilet, so off he went
the thrid little piggie was sitting alone at the bar when the bar tender said to him " I bet you need the toilet to?" to which the third pig answerd " No I don't I wee wee wee all the way home!
Yep dumb joke !!

[fairyflossfart]

Koala is sitting up in a gum tree ... smoking a joint, when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"

The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry and he is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this, swims over to the little lizard , helps him to the side, and then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out, so he walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit, dude ... how much water did you drink?!!"

[mel43]

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.

What goes broom screech broom screech broom screech?
A blonde at a red flashing light.

[fairyflossfart]

Kevin Rudd was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Kevin if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'.

So Kevin asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a 'tragedy.'

No, said Kevin - that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy'

I'm afraid not, explained Kevin - that's what we would call great loss'

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Kevin searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand...

In a quiet voice he said: 'If a plane carrying you and Julia Gillard was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Kevin. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says little Johnny 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a freakin’ accident either!'

[2puzzled]

two snakes lying in the grass. one says to the other "are we poisonous?" The other says "no, why?".

"Coz I just bit my tongue".