[libbylu]

I asked my Mum early in my pregnancy if she was interested in doing any childcare on a regular basis. I wasn't sure if she would be. She said she was happy to do one day per week but no more. This was a fantastic help, as hubby could also do one day per week, so it meant we could avoid using childcare altogether for the first 15 months, until I went up to three days and DS started in care. She continued her one day per week although his preschool years. She has a saved us a fortune over the last 5 years, and she has built up the most wonderful relationship with DS to boot.

You will most likely be entitled to the childcare rebate of up to 50%, so you actual costs would be more like $200 a week.

[Quill]

:-)

This post has been edited by Quill: 11/04/2012, 05:13 PM

[JRA]

I can't help but feel jealous of other friends of mine too that have parents that love helping out and being an active part of their grandchildren's lives.

You need to work on that, seriously. You should not feel jealous of what your friends have, it's a terrible way to feel.

I have to agree. In life there are always people who have it better in some way than you. Being jealous of someone is a large waste of energy.

Think about it this way. Your child will get to know both sets of grandparents. Do you know there are many children that never get that.

[PlatinumFF]

Thanks for the post, I appreciate your constructive feedback!! I can't help but feel jealous of other friends of mine too that have parents that love helping out and being an active part of their grandchildren's lives. I will accept that my mum isn't the same as others. and will invest more time in Jack having more time with my in laws who are more excited about him arriving.

Don't feel jealous panda mum. This topic makes my blood boil as i witness it being downright abused.

My mum works full time shift work - days and afternoons. My sister in law has synchronized her shifts with mums, she will work the days mum is at home as well as nights. They too live with my parents whilst they are building their house. My mum is almost 65 and she is exhausted. So not only does she need to cook, clean, work, she also looks after her grandchild and try to go to the toilet or have a shower at some point. My mother would never whinge, as a good european grandmother, it's her duty to care for the little ones, in my culture.

Screw that, I whinge for her - in fact, I promised that I would not do the same to her. When/if I have kids, I may allow it for one day a week but thats it. My mum didn't have help from her mum or MIL either (as they live in Europe).

Please don't take this the wrong way but as I mentioned earlier, the whole grandparent caring role is abused in my family and I'm not too happy about it.

[suziej]

Years before any of my siblings and I had children, my mother quite firmly told us not to expect her to be a built-in babysitter (her cousin's retirement had been usurped by the requirement to be de facto childcare - and my mum had copped the brunt of the resentment she felt and couldn't express to her sons or daughters-in-law).

When I told my mother I was expecting, her first reaction was relief she was 500km away so wouldn't be expected to be on call for such duties.

Some grandmothers just aren't little-people carers. Some grandmothers had their own mother and mother-in-law hassles that were more about judgement and less about balancing the load. Some grandmothers have their lives just as they always wanted and don't want to be the Thursday regular.

And it is okay.

It will work out. Once you have your baby, you will work out how to manage the financial, physical and mental loads that having the baby brings - it won't be easy - but you will also learn that, in EVERY parenting decision, there will be those who agree with you and those who DON'T, and those that DON'T always seem far more vehement than you think is necessary. Once you have your head around it, it is very enlightening to watch.

[ZombieMum]

I can't help but feel jealous of other friends of mine too that have parents that love helping out and being an active part of their grandchildren's lives. I will accept that my mum isn't the same as others. and will invest more time in Jack having more time with my in laws who are more excited about him arriving.

No doubt those friends of yours could be feeling jealous of you and your situation. How wonderful that you will have someone to cook and clean during your pregnancy. How wonderful that you have someone that can cuddle a screaming baby so that you can have a shower in peace. How wonderful that if your baby kept you up all night, you don't have to get up in the morning and do washing, food shopping, cleaning and cooking.


Don't be fooled by what you see. You are possibly taking small positive bits from each person, and making it into one big ideal. I know someone that did that with material items - one person had a new car, another person had a new fridge, another person had a new lounge, another got a new washing machine etc. This person then was jealous and thought that it wasn't fair these other people got all these nice things - and they felt they were entitled to have ALL these nice things at ONCE. Yet they themselves had just been on a holiday to the other side of the country. Plus, these other people had JOBS and paid for these items - whereas she'd had her parents pay for her holiday because she was on benefits.

[Ianthe]

I don't think grandchildren are the responsibility of the grandparents. You said yourself your mother doesn't seem that interested-why then would you even think of asking her? Looking after a young child can be really tiring and a lot of people just don't want to do it.

[Ianthe]

It is nice when grandparents are keen to be involved but I have learnt it shouldn't be expected. My parents live around the corner. They are so busy that They have little time for DD and if I ever ask if they can look after her she needs to fit around their lives eg. She needs to stay at their house not ours if they are babysitting etc.

Are your parents not entitled to have their own lives? Are you kidding me? What is the problem with your daughter staying at their place, to me that would make sense (unless there are safety issues which is a whole other topic).

[JAPN2]

Are your parents not entitled to have their own lives? Are you kidding me? What is the problem with your daughter staying at their place, to me that would make sense (unless there are safety issues which is a whole other topic).

Absolutely but its a too way street. GPs who are not hands on have that right. But they can't also expect their kids will want to be hands on when they get to the point that they need that help.

[futureself]

I still think you are actually going to be getting far more help than you realise.... The fact that your mum has cleaners twice a week, means that you won't be having the drama of trying to keep the house remotely livable while having a newborn, I assume you share cooking with your parents, so that battle also will be alleviated.

Also agree that the fact you'll be able to have a shower in peace, grab a quick nap etc - that's help right there!

I would actually pay the child care centre for the 3 days, and the day you work from home, have the baby in the centre. You'll be far more productive - if your mum was taking care of the baby that day, and doesn't actually go out, it would be quite distracting for you, and also, if your baby is aware that you are in the house, can hear your voice etc, may make it quite difficult for your mum.

Both these points are worth repeating.