[***Athena***]

************** Libra blonde DO NOT READ!**********************









I know she stalks me

I knew with our angel baby from the BFP that we should be cautious but from around 16wks I was beside myself with worry after a number of dreams about our Gabe's birth being a heart ache and not a celebration.

I believe taht I was guided in those dreams to act as I did when it happened (I am the partner).
When my partner awoke with pains I instantly started timing them and called her mother to come and look after our 5 children.
Her mother was already awake (midnight) and was not suprised at my call as she too knew something was wrong.

When we got to the hospital I got really uppety with the staff to get us to maternity because I knew it was over and I did not want my partner to deliver in the ER in front of drunks and children with broken arms etc.

When Gabe was born he was 18wks 2days and beautiful! The nurse tried to cover him up but I was so upset with her for that, I drew back the sheet and he was alive. I gazed into his eyes and just loved him. I had prepared for that moment for over a month emotionally. And having that time to prepare meant that I could be the strength that was needed in that time for my partner and our family. I thank our angel baby every day for showing me what love is and what strength is. Not even my birth child being born can compare to that amazing feeling of love taht Gabe gave me.
I am lucky to have had that moment with Gabe.XOXOX RIP little Angel.

This post has been edited by ***Athena***: 19/06/2012, 03:50 PM

[Chelli]

Athena that was both sad and beautiful to read. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My last pregnancy was a bit of a surprise and I too felt uneasy to the point where I insisted on having a nuchal translucency scan even though I'd never had one with my other three children. Sure enough, that picked up on problems which later lead to my DD being stillborn at 18 weeks.

[blessina]

After having many early losses I am never overly optimistic during pregnancy, however when I was pregnant with DS we had a "normal" nuchal translucency scan and so we started to gradually tell people, starting with our family and close friends.

Every time we told someone I would feel utterly uncomfortable, I can't even find words to describe the feeling. Probably the closest description would be "dread". One day I decided to "put my mind at rest" - and so had a paranoia scan. And even thoughI was devastated, there was a tiny part of me that was, simply, unsurprised.

I am sorry for everyones losses.


V

[mermaid26]

I just lost my little boy at 20 weeks gestation, 2 weeks ago today actually.

I had an uneasy feeling throughout the pregnancy. Despite having two uneventful pregnancies and two healthy children previously I just felt I couldn't relax.

I was hesitant in telling people we were expecting and in buying anything for baby.
I sent a text message to a friend of mine, who is due 4 weeks after I was, saying that our babies were going to be perfect because we had both had a rough time already this year and must have used up all of our bad luck (my mother passed away and her oldest child was diagnosed with cancer). Even as I was texting that to her I had a feeling of dread like I was tempting fate.

I slept really uncomfortably on the Friday night, felt awkward trying trying to shave my legs in the shower the next morning, and also noticed that my tummy had changed shape. I had been getting nice and round but it all kind of dropped to the bottom and was hard on one side.

I also realised that I hadn't felt baby move so far that morning. I lay on the couch for ages poking and prodding, drinking cold drinks etc etc trying to get baby to move. I felt one feeble kick and then just knew that it was all over. It felt like there was no life force there anymore - hard to explain.

No further movements all day Saturday, or on the Sunday. Had my worst fears confirmed by midwife at the hospital on the Monday morning. She just looked at me and said 'you had a feeling didn't you'.

A lot to be said for mother's instinct!!

So sorry for everybody elses losses. I never knew that pain this intense was possible. My heart just feels absolutely smashed to pieces. My love and sympathy goes out to you all xxx

This post has been edited by mermaid26: 20/12/2012, 12:41 PM