[iamcityreader]

My partner and I were FWBs for 18 months before becoming exclusive. We've been together-together for over six years now and are expecting our second child any moment now. We plan on being together forever, we just aren't sure about marriage and if it fits with us.

We were both honest with each other about our feelings when we were FWBs - it was just that neither of us were ready for exclusivity at the time.

[casime]

I did, and it worked well for me. He was quite a bit younger than me, and we worked together. There were no romantic feelings, no expectations of anything. It really suited both of us at the time as neither wanted the pressures of a relationship, but it was nice to have physical companionship when wanted. It went on for about a year and then we both moved on to relationships. I think you both need to be on the same page about it, and be aware of possible consequences.

[virtuallotus]

It's not my style, but I've seen cirucmstances where it's worked and also where it hasn't.

It seems to me that both people need to be honest, with themselves and eachother about feelings and whatnot. Also, if one party does want to look for a long term partner, I do think you need to bow out of their lives (friendship and sex), at that stage. I've seen the person who isn't in the relationship try to saboutage new ones their ex-sex buddy is trying to form.

[dejoey]

I had a really good mate at school. He and I did everything together.
He and a few other guys and us girls all sort of hung around each other. He had a friends with benefits thing with most of the girls (except me) and after he moved on they got really jealous etc. None of them are friends now, and the girls were really hurt, as while it started casually they always developed feelings for him.
He and I have lost touch, but I am confident should we meet up again, we would still be great friends.

Personally I would never ruin a friendship with sex, unless both parties are ready for it to be a committed relationship. My DP was a very close friend, but the feeling that developed were mutual. I hope that made sense. Good luck with your decision. Keep safe.

[Ireckon]

Ended up married with kids...he was the one who pushed for it to be something more though.

[DamiansMama]

Nope. I could never do it. I have to be attracted to someone to go there and my emotions would get the better of me. Recipe for disaster.

BUT if you can cut off your emotions (this is what you need to do) for the purposes of a romp, go for it!!

[Onyx]

I've done it and I don't regret it. He's still a very good friend of mine (probably my closest friend) and we talk a few times a week.
When I met my now DH, I think he was somewhat hurt by that because our 'relationship' ended. He did try and talk me out of seeing DH and the day of our wedding, before I walked down the isle he said to me "Are you sure you want to do this?"
I had to distance myself for awhile, but he is fine now and there are no issues.


If you think you might have feelings for him, don't do it.
If you think you can deal with it just being a completely physical relationship, then give it a go.

[HoneyPumpkin]

Just go for it!

The friendship has already taken a really unusual turn...might as well see it through? I can't see a normal 'friendship' happening now anyway with all the tension.

Set up some ground rules that both must follow. It may even do you good (aside from obvious benefits) to feel desired by someone after having someone else shoot down your confidence as you mentioned with your XH.

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

I've done it and I don't regret it. He's still a very good friend of mine (probably my closest friend) and we talk a few times a week.
When I met my now DH, I think he was somewhat hurt by that because our 'relationship' ended. He did try and talk me out of seeing DH and the day of our wedding, before I walked down the isle he said to me "Are you sure you want to do this?"
I had to distance myself for awhile, but he is fine now and there are no issues.
If you think you might have feelings for him, don't do it.
If you think you can deal with it just being a completely physical relationship, then give it a go.

you seriously think he is fine with it? I doubt it. Sounds like he has simply learnt to keep his mouth shut and that if he pushes it, he knows you'd pull the plug on the friendship.

OP, if you can separate emotions from sex, then go ahead. But it's not too many women who can do this, particularly coming out of a problem marriage where sex was a major issue. Be prepared to lose the friendship if it all goes pear-shaped.

This post has been edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne: 15/11/2011, 01:55 PM

[lozoodle]

I've done it, back in my single pre kids days.

Its ok, so long as neither of you wants more.

If one of you has feelings and the other doesn't, its a recipe for disaster.