[peking homunculu...]

3 is so young!

My DD was extremely clingy and had pretty severe separation anxiety. She was very shy and anxious as a young child and really needed us to feel happy and safe.

When she started school, she coped pretty well, but rarely spoke in the classroom, had trouble making friends and was still very anxious. Most Sunday nights she had trouble sleeping because she was worried about going to school and being separated from her Mum and Dad.

We worked on the idea that she would eventually become more confident and gave her a lot of opportunities to practice independent skills. A big breakthrough came when she was 7 and we stayed in a caravan park. She was given $5 and told she could spend it at the shop, but she had to walk there herself and buy the stuff without us there. $5 worth of lollies and iceblock was a pretty good motivator and she managed to screw up the courage to do it. From this point on, she has never looked back.

She is now 9 and while she is still quiet at school, she is a lot more confident.

My advice- be lead by your child. Give your child love, support and let them know they are always safe. but work hard on finding ways to give your child a chance to practice independence. Shyness and anxiety are normal kid issues and each child finds their own way towards becoming a confident and happy person

[wombat]

These kinds of comments irk me no end. My DD is 11 and still loves to have her dad and I around. It's not weird, it's not because she can't be without us, it's just that we are all really close, kind and respectful to each other, and lets face it, who doesn't want to hang out with people they feel safe with. I think our society places far too much emphasis on "independence", which in a lot of cases is just another way of parents saying they don't want their kids around. And all kids are not the same. some need/love to have their parents around, for others it's not such a big deal. Why should all children have to conform to that ideal of breaking away from their parents,just because the majority of parents think it should be that way.

[beakie]

Wow, I had no idea that some kinders allowed this. Certainly the ones I've been associated with would not allow a parent to stay with their child for the whole term. I find that concept quite bizarre.

It's not encouraged, unless there are additional needs involved, because having one parent for every session means that other parents can't stay on a regular basis. It also can be problematic for the programme. Parents in a room totally changes the dynamic, especially if it's the same one all the time. Most kinders will allow a parent to stay for 30 min or so to settle their child, but beyond that, and the normal parent help roster, I think it's reinforcing the anxiety, and clingy ness, not fixing it.
Kinder year is all about gaining independence and confidence, and it is something that can be built on gradually, with strategies from the staff.

[ausmumof2]

I have no tips on the clinginess as mine tend to disappear the minute we get anywhere.

Just wanted to say we homeschool and its definitely worth looking into. It may give your dd a little longer to overcome her shyness and bloom into a more confident person, provided you give her plenty of opportunities to spend time with other people. Lots of people will tell you its not a good idea, because they have a fairly stereotypical idea of a homeschooled kid sitting at home at the kitchen table with Mum, seeing no-one but it doesn't have to be like that at all, homeschooling gives you lots of chances to get out and do things that classroom kids can't do because they have to be at school every day.

[leisamd]

Hi OP,

We homeschool and my DD at 3 was very similar to how you describe yours. She was shy and wanted me close. I didn't have a problem with it, I would prefer to honour her feelings and let her discern safe people/circumstances and learn to trust her instincts - knowing that I would support her. It is also part of her personality, she is an introvert and very much like her father in this respect. She's most comfortable with people she knows and small groups.

My boys have not shown the same shyness, I don't know if it's personality or a big sister paving the way first.

DD is now 7 and is fine. She goes to group activities and says I can just drop her at the gate and leave She still does not like big groups a lot, especially when she's one of the youngest/smallest, but I have no concerns about her 'letting go' of me. So I guess, in short, she mostly outgrew it, but I'm convinced some of it is simply personality - and I'm ok with it.

Homeschooling has been great for us, not just for (or inspite of) this reason. PM me if you like.