[beccajayne]

Just after some opinions.

My DS is turning 11 in 4 weeks and for Christmas we brought him an iPod touch. All was well, we let him play for a week when ever he wanted and then started limiting the time he could play after that.
He has a few simple chores to every day, things like unload dishwasher, empty bin, tidy room and the occasional help I ask for.
We are forever having to nag him to do these chores and most times more than once!
He was sneaking in playing time without us knowing which lead to him losing the iPod for a week. He continued to misbehave each time he got it back.
Telling constant lies and not doing his chores. So the iPod was taken away and all he had to do to get it back was do his chores without us prompting him.
He has a list and has been doing these chores for 3 years, so knows what to do. He is just lazy!
So it has now been 2 months since the iPod was taken.
Now my question is what would you do?
My dd 5 th birthday is only a few days away and I think we may give it to her for her birthday, I know she is young but I can monitor her usage and feel my DS is never going to get it back so why have it sit here being a waste of $200!
And any ideas on how to get my DS to do his chores?
Thanks for reading my massive post

This post has been edited by beccajayne: 05/04/2012, 09:23 AM

[~maryanne~]

I'd not give it to your daughter. That might make your son rather resentfull!

Obviously the ipod isn't his currency. Does he have friends in the neighbourhood? I have found 'no friends till your jobs are done' quite effective with my 12 year old.

[***Athena***]

If he is not responding to negative conditions then try some positive conditions.
It actually sounds like you have lost intimate contact with your son and thus the parent child respect that is mostly needed to negotiate these issues when children are teens/tweens.

Try talking, socialising with him etc and build a relationship that is not based on nagging so that when you do ask him to do/ monitor his jobs he is eager to please you and not resentful and not dissing you.

[opethmum]

If you give it to your DD that is a sure way of breeding sibling resentment and your DS will be upset and will possibly ruin what is supposed to be a day of celebration into a nightmare.
If you have already set up in your mind that your DS is permanently going to be naughty then you may as well put it on ebay and get some money for it at least. Boys at that age have hormonal surges and they are confused about what is happening. Have you tried talking to him about what is going on and at least have an understanding why he does what he does?
It sounds like you have not found his currency and you may need to find alternative ways in which to discipline your son.
Check out www.empoweringparents.com I found that to be a great start out resource.
Good luck and I hope you have peace in your home and soon.

This post has been edited by opethmum: 05/04/2012, 09:41 AM

[muminbusiness]

I would def not give it to your daughter! Maybe this would work.say your going out for the day. "right everyone we are going to the beach today,but before we go we all need to do our jobs. The whole family can't go till everyone has finished their jobs.

Really helping out in the house is being part of a family and helping each other out. Explain to him you can't do it all and would really appreciate his help on these things. Ask his thoughts on what jobs he would like to do. Bring him in and make him feel some responsibility. Ie I can't cook dinner till the dishwashers empty etc.
Hope this helps

[Soprano-Cat]

I would use it myself, but not give it to your daughter. When he complains you're using his stuff, you can do the "I bought it, I paid for it, you haven't earnt it back, so it reverts to me. You want it, you earn it."

[galba]

Do not give it your daughter - you are then involving her in your battle with your son.

Sell it.

[Madnesscraves]

I would use it myself, but not give it to your daughter. When he complains you're using his stuff, you can do the "I bought it, I paid for it, you haven't earnt it back, so it reverts to me. You want it, you earn it."

+ 1 I agree. Giving it to your DD is the worse thing you can do. Think it's also time for a chat with your son and find out what's going on and ask him to respect his parents.

[beccajayne]

Obviously the ipod isn't his currency. Does he have friends in the neighbourhood? I have found 'no friends till your jobs are done' quite effective with my 12 year old.

It is his currency but he is just lazy. When we talk about it he gets very upset at the thought that his sister may get it but still doesn't attempt to get it back.
He barely gets out to see his friends because his is grounded and his friends are trouble makers.

If he is not responding to negative conditions then try some positive conditions.
It actually sounds like you have lost intimate contact with your son and thus the parent child respect that is mostly needed to negotiate these issues when children are teens/tweens.

Try talking, socialising with him etc and build a relationship that is not based on nagging so that when you do ask him to do/ monitor his jobs he is eager to please you and not resentful and not dissing you.

We have tried positive conditions in the past. Lots of praising for good behavior and sort of ignoring the bad.
But you have a point ***Athena***. I do feel there is not much intimate contact but am sort of unsure how to fix that.
I guess by setting aside time for just him and me to do something fun, or his dad and him.
His behavior has been the same since about 4yrs old. He was ok until he started day care at 4 and then he seemed to change. He got picked on at day care, other kids biting hitting etc, normal stuff you can't do much about.
When he started school he became the class clown I suppose and had the older kids from after school care egging him on for bad behavior.
He even got suspended from his first year of school due to being physical with another child.
We tried removing everything from his room and he had to behave to get it back. It worked for some time but then he just went back to old ways.
Now it feels like he doesn't care.
He has even stolen Pokemon cards from family and lied about. He's only been up for 3 hrs and has already told 3 outright lies.

[mks81]

What else does he do that he enjoys...frankly that would be stopping till he gets his chores done. TV, music, sports.

I would sell the ipod and use that money for the present.

Sorry replied before seeing your last reply.

Going on by that post I would disregard what I just typed then. I say this is more serious and I would be doing counseling. I don't think this is something like just being lazy, it sounds like he has given up almost.

This post has been edited by mks81: 05/04/2012, 09:54 AM