[podg]

I'm very introverted and was single (with maybe 3 brief glitches and a very sad missed opportunity) from 25 to 32. Then I met DH... and at 40 I'm expecting baby #4.

I agree with others, a baby/child/parenting is really hard work alone, and you sound like you haven't made the headspace for another relationship yet.

It might be the right thing for you to try for pregnancy alone. I would leave it for a few years though, and work on being really happy in your life as it is. It will set you up for a new relationship - with a child, or a partner.

Good luck either way.

[Balto1]

I kind of understand where you are coming from with the worry that you won't meet someone else. Had I not met DH, I believe I would still be single today.

You may meet someone, you may not. As PPs have said, having a child is a huge thing, especially when you are single. Having a child also impacts on your chances of meeting someone down the track.

Just a thought- have you considered investigating egg freezing while you are in your late 20s, early 30s? This way, you can potentially extend your fertility for a few more years to give you some wiggle room (you still have a few years of natural wiggle room anyway). Nb- I don't know much about egg freezing and like any fertility matter, there are no guarantees.

[trishalishous]

i would ask myself again in 5yrs.
in the meantime work or building relationaships

[Angelina Balleri...]

Give yourself a few more years.

A lot can change.

Plenty of people have gone from single to married with a child in under a year.

[BetteBoop]

I met my DH at 30 and had a baby with him at 35. Most of my friends had their first child between the ages of 33 and 40.

You still have plenty of time to try for the ideal in your head. In a few years if that doesn't work out, then reassess.

Otherwise, why not enoy being single for a while? From what I can remember of being single and 30, it's an awesome lifestyle.

It's quite possible, in a few years time if you're holding a screaming toddler with a belly full of arms and legs standing beside the last man you'll ever have sex with, you might come to look back wistfully on this time.

I do.

Sigh.

[indigo~]

Hi OP,

I am 40 and currently 12w pregnant, the result of doing IVF on my own so will be a single mum by choice. As per PP, I would suggest waiting. You're still quite young and have plenty of time to meet your future partner.

If I could choose, I wouldn't be doing this on my own. But i got to the age where it was crunch time and I decided I preferred the thought of doing it in my own to never being a mum at all. I got to 38 and a half and thought I'd better get cracking.

Two things I'd mention: IVF took longer than I had expected (18 months and 9 stim cycles) and it was really expensive. If you are doing IVF for "social reasons" with no medical reasons to need assisted conception, then you are not eligible for medicare rebates.

So if you are thinking about it *much* later on down the track, start saving a really good nest egg now. You'll want to be as financially secure as possible before starting out.

On the topic of freezing eggs, it can be done now for social reasons, but the success rate for freezing and then defrosting eggs is still quite low. It's much less successful than freezing embryos. So you may need to do multiple stim cycles to freeze enough eggs to make it worthwhile. Again, no Medicare rebates for egg freezing for social reasons.

[la di dah]

Honestly, I wouldn't wait a few years to at least be thinking about the issue.

Sure, you might. You might also meet the love of your life after you have a child. Women with children do meet partners. And you won't be waiting on a partner before you get started.

If you do wait five years, and meet someone in that last year, would you want to rush into a baby right away in that first year of knowing him? Or would it turn into another two, three, five years after that? Do you want to be first TTC your firstborn at 38, 40, 44 years old?

But it depends on what you're comfortable with, of course. I think I actually would have tried to start TTC a year or so ago instead of only a couple months ago, if I were single. Relationships take time.

I would start thinking about why and if I wanted to consider single parenthood and lining up my finances/logistics to work with that. You may meet a man while you're doing that, anyway, rendering it less important but I don't see how it's anything lost?

But I wouldn't wait years to even think about it. However there are infertility issues in my family and that could be colouring my view.

[bubaburns]

You were me 5 years ago. I was married when i was 24 had a house the big wedding next step start a family. My ex came out with it one day that he doesnt want kids, well everything went down hill from there apart from being depressed i got really ill and was in hospital. It was there while doesed on Morphine mind you that he gave me something to sign, i later found out that i signed over the house and other things. (thats another storey) Anyway there I was no home, nothing I went back and lived with my parents. I did try something silly and thought about what if i never meet someone else all i wanted was to started a family. I even thought about asking a friend about having kids with them. After six months i went out with girlfriends and ended finding my knight and shining armour who i am now married to and have been ttc for awhile now. Please dont give up finding someone, if you feel you need to have a child without a partner its up to you, I just want you to know that it can happen, you are still young enough to have it all.

[Jellyblush]

You were me just over a year ago. I was with my ex for six years from 27 to 33....over this time we did try for kids, had an ectopic pregnancy, moved on to IVF as a result - he eventually said 'if you need IVF maybe kids aren't meant to be' and moved on. I was heartbroken. I thought seriously about going the single route, and as I already had a fertility specialist, I went and asked about it.

He recommended I wait - even at 34 and knowing I needed IVF/had issues! He still recommended waiting till 36,37, because of all the same reasons people have stated here.

I have been seeing a great guy for 10 months, he's lovely.

I'd wait, and see what comes along. One piece of advice - if you want kids, be ruthless about not dating men that don't see this in their lives within a couple of years, no matter how much you like them. Give yourself the best chance of reaching the dream you want.

Is it a possibility to put some eggs aside for just in case and then wait a few years?
Is it a possibility to put some eggs aside for just in case and then wait a few years?

I have to comment on this - This is not a solution!
Many people think (not having a go at pp, just generally) that this is some sort of 'insurance policy'. The media promotes it as such too.

Pregnancies from frozen unfertilised eggs have almost zero chance of resulting in healthy pregnancies. The process is unproven, there have been next to no live births resulting in Australia from this process. I have had two highly respected fertility specialists tell me so.

I want to make this point as I know so many women that think this is a reasonable option for the future, it isn't.

Fertilised eggs are a different story - but you'd need to go the donor route, then freeze the eggs for later.

[Pupalumps]

I think you should think about several things and put together a plan for the next few years. Work hard, save hard.
If you are still single in a few years and still want to become a mum you will need to think about donor sperm. Do you know anyone that would be prepared to help you? If not you can buy sperm from OS, but it will limit dramatically which clinics will be prepared to treat you.
There's a specialist group with forum for single mothers by choice. They would be good for supplying you with a lot of info:
http://www.smcaustralia.org/