[new~mum~reenie]

An article from BirthTalk (a QLD centre centre that supports mums after traumatic birth, among other things) posted this on their Facebook site, and I thought I'd share it

Contrary to popular belief, birth is not just ‘one day in your life’. Why? Because we don’t just leave our feelings about our birth at the hospital. The feelings we bring home about the birth can affect our experience of parenting our new babies. If we bring home feelings of confidence, joy, and strength, our instinctive bonding is promoted with our babies. Our confidence in all aspects of life can soar and we can connect at a new level with our partners. Conversely, if we are bringing home feelings of fear, isolation and confusion, bonding with our beautiful babies can be difficult, and feelings of failure can result. Our confidence can plummet, and relationships with partners can suffer. These feelings can infiltrate all areas of our lives as a new family.

Birth DOES matter, because how we experience it can affect every single thing that occurs after it. For this reason, ‘just going with the flow’ can be risky, as it often entails ‘giving your birth over to the experts’, and following their flow, as they advise you throughout. What this process can fail to provide, for a woman and her partner, is the opportunity to ask questions, provide insights, and make decisions as part of a team.

http://birthtraumatruths.wordpress.com/201...-flow-in-birth/

[redkris]

Why? Because we don’t just leave our feelings about our birth at the hospital.

I can see where the article is coming from but TBH I did leave the birth experience behind when I left the hospital...once DS was out I thought "Well, thank god he's here and safe" and that was it for me.

Maybe my perspective is slightly different because of all the pushing and prodding I had to go through to get pregnant in the first place. Would have been lovely to have conceived in a moment of perfect passion rather than with a catheter and with my DH nowhere in sight, but that was just the reality, just like a natural uninduced labour with no episiotomy at the end would have been great, but circumstances dictated differently.

I do agree about teamwork between the ob, midwives and myself, but i felt that I got that as we had discussed my preferences for months before the birth, so they knew what I wanted

[deejie]

Contrary to popular belief, birth is not just ‘one day in your life’. Why? Because we don’t just leave our feelings about our birth at the hospital

This certainly rang true for me. DS1 was a long labour winding up in forceps delivery. I felt neglected by the midwifery staff (post delivery and during labor) and had several complications from the forceps in the weeks and months after DS1's birth. I struggled to settle in as a new mother with multiple breastfeeding issues because I was never shown properly how to breastfeed and had a lot of guilt tied up with DS1's birth as the forceps did cause nerve damage on the left side of his face. I felt I had "failed" him.

DS2 was a homebirth. I was fully supported with wonderful one-on-one care. I found his birth to be very cathartic and cleansing of my guilty feelings associated with DS1's birth. I realised it wasn't my own failure, more so of the system I was tangled up in and that I did the best I could with the circumstances on the day. I entered motherhood a second time full of confidence, found bonding with him much easier than DS1 and have never looked back.

For me, birth is so much more than "one day in your life".

[kriattica]

Contrary to popular belief, birth is not just ‘one day in your life’. Why? Because we don’t just leave our feelings about our birth at the hospital.

For me it was just a day in my life, 3 actually and when it was over was done. I left the hospital with my babies and for me that was that. I felt my midwives did their job well and were wonderful for all our births. My DH support was amazing and once they were here it was done.

There is no one size fits all birth and every experience will be different and each person will take away different view of their own birth.

[wannabe30]

Birth DOES matter, because how we experience it can affect every single thing that occurs after it. For this reason, ‘just going with the flow’ can be risky, as it often entails ‘giving your birth over to the experts’, and following their flow, as they advise you throughout. What this process can fail to provide, for a woman and her partner, is the opportunity to ask questions, provide insights, and make decisions as part of a team.

Actually, some of us are quite happy to let the expert do their job - ie get the baby out safely, in whatever way they, with their years of training and experience, feel is best. I get frustrated at articles that imply that women who choose an OB-led ( or other more "medicalised") birth don't ask questions of their care provider and inform themselves of what "going with the flow" might entail.

[Pooks*potters]

Edited to tidy up any identifying info on eB.

This post has been edited by pookems85: 30/04/2012, 04:25 AM

[laurs]

For me it was a case of being informed about the possibilities and options beforehand but not having fixed expectations about what was going to happen. I had hopes but not expectations. Neither of my births went as I would have liked, but I was prepared for that and therefore not devastated that I didn't get the experience I expected.

[AvadaKedavra]

I don't think you can make any generalized comments like that. For some women, it is just one day in their lives. For others it's not. Having or not having a birth plan/expectations etc works for some people, and not for others. It just depends what you are comfortable with.

As a health professional, I am entirely comfortable in a medicalised environment. I see it as safe and controlled. I trust my nursing and medical colleagues; I spend every day of my life seeing the amazing things they do (not just in obstetrics) and I have an enormous amount of faith in their expertise and the work they do. I do not want to labour at home; that would not make me comfortable. I like lino floors and medical equipment and an intensive care ward and theatre down the corridor. I do not work in obstetrics and know my very basic knowledge of the area cannot equate to that of a midwife or obstetrician - a junior midwife probably still knows more about what's going on than me. I WANT to hand over the bulk of decision making; I do by want to bear the responsibility for my medical care. I choose caregivers on the basis of their experience and philosophy, and then want them to just sort it out within that framework. I want to be included, but info not want to be in charge, because I know my limits. For me, its about surviving childbirth and takkng home a healthy baby. Sure, I'd prefer not to have interventions, but if thats what it takes to survive a notoriously dangerous process (look at populations with lack of midwifery/medical care), then thats why inhave highly trained professionals around me making decisions. I teust my caregiers to not intervene unleas they hink its needed. For me, childbirth is a means to an end, and just one day. But that's just me, and what I feel comfortable with.

For many people hospitals, doctors and nurses are foreign, scary, uncomfortable. For most healthy young women, childbirth is the first time they will have been in hospital, or exposed their bodies, or done any number of confronting things. For many it's the end of a nine month journey and the start of a lifelong one. Childbirth can be empowering, but it can also make you feel deeply vulnerable and extremely scared.

I despise when people make bald statements like 'it's not just one day' or 'you carry that experience with you for a long time' because a) not everyone does, and b) not everyone might take a notion to doing so unless they had their heads beaten in with that ideology.

We take five year olds to hospital to show them it's not a scary place, if ever they get sick, or break a limb. Why do we not normalize childbirth in the same way? Why do women go into the experience scared, and are told that hospitals are just scary, and the only way to feel safe is by being in an alternative environment (birth centre, home, whatever). Why don't we normalize the full range of birth options, and encourage the idea that birth is just one day?

I'm not suggesting we go back to the days of husbands sent home, shave and enema on arrival, lie on your back with no choice how to deliver, accept interventions as they come, bub off to a nursery and bottle feeds for all.

I do think it can be embraced as a natural process, but with a small amount of respect for how badly the human race has birthed through history and how much midwifery and obstetrics has contributed to vastly improved maternal and neonatal mortality rates.

Maybe it is just one day, maybe it isn't.... But is that even the point?

[MrsNorthman]

I didn't know if it was going to be just another day in the life of for me...as it turns out the 3 days I have spent giving birth have never been left at the hospital...they are days I think about quite often. Less often for DD1 maybe because I felt the least in control in that birth (?) but often enough with DD2's and DD3's was only 5 weeks ago and I think about it nearly every day

So I guess my advice for first timers is that you don't know if you will walk away thinking about it often or if you hardly ever think about that day again so arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible, know what you feel comfortable with and in the end hope for the best.

[bettymm]

It is different for everyone, ive known people to be honestly traumatised by their birth experience, cascade of interventions and feeling so powerless and vulnerable which made the first few months of mothering so difficult as youve not really had time to process what just happened before youre onto the next challenge of breastfeeding, settling, adjusting to motherhood etc.

For me, my two births were like chalk and cheese , so completely different. after the "easy" first birth i felt so empowered and pretty proud of myself , the second, was scary, traumatic and pretty awful actually

BUT the feelings i have had for both babies have been the same, no issues with bonding or breast feeding or anything like that. In fact, i even feel like the bonding happened quicker after the second birth as we had come so close to losing her, i was overcome with gratitude and love to have her here safe, it didnt matter what happened in the birth.