[beabea]

DS rarely gets quite as bad as you describe, but both the reactions (cuddling/CIO) would be pretty iffy with him. I presume you've thought about whether there's any underlying problems - lack of sleep, hungry, overstimulated/oversocialised, understimulated/socialised, etc etc.

So what helps with DS is to commentate the tantrum, sort of Happiest Toddler On The Block style but with more complex language for his older agegroup and less play-acting. So you would frown and say (in a genuine tone of concern), "Wow, you are really upset about that. It must be pretty uncomfortable." And then you use a gentle but firm and commanding tone to get him to, basically, breathe a bit. With DS I tell him to make his hands into a triangle (and I demonstrate for him). I have no idea why this works. I think it just hits the right level of concentration for him. I have also instructed him to breathe in and out a certain number of times whilst I count (and I do it with him to help him focus). I saw on this thread also the "blowing on hot cocoa" trick where you make your hands into a circle as if holding a cup of hot cocoa and then you get the child to blow on it. There are other techniques as well - they're all similar in that they are meditative/focussing. It might be breathing or stretching your body in a certain way or whatever. Goldie Hawn's 10 Mindful Minutes has some other examples, and she also advocates using these sorts of techniques throughout the day to prevent meltdowns.

It usually takes a few repetitions to set in and sometimes I have to repeat, "DS! let me help you... DS! let me help you..." again in that gentle but firm, commanding tone of voice. Obviously, the earlier you step in with this the more likely to work.

Anyway. It seems to calm DS down to the point where I can then ask him what the matter is and have a sensible conversation. Worth a shot if you're still visiting this thread!

This post has been edited by beabea: 15/08/2012, 11:19 PM

[Avogadro]

DS used to do this. I found that all the cuddling etc in the world didn't do anything. The best thing I found was to (very calmly) ask him to go to his room. I would say "You're not going to your room as a punishment, its just so you can calm down. When you've stopped crying you can come out." Worked much much quicker than anything else.

Now he's old he still gets quite emotional at times (usually when he's tired) and I'll ask him just to go to his room, do some reading and when he's feeling a bit better he can come out. Works a treat.

[Mis-Placed]

i would put him in his room and shut the door. Go read a magazine or cook - anyhting... THis behaviour is all about attention seeking. Just ignore it. That's my advice....

[Mis-Placed]

i would put him in his room and shut the door. Go read a magazine or cook - anyhting... THis behaviour is all about attention seeking. Just ignore it. That's my advice....

[Natttmumm]

I would use the tactic of letting him in and close to you at that time rather than pushing him out and putting him in his room especially if he that upset. If its a tanturm then I would let it play out for a bit but anything more than 20 minutes would be counter productive.

I would sit with him, aknowledge his feelings and tell him you are there to help him calm down. DD1 used to carry on like that and really couldnt calm down some times (not always). So I would leave her for a bit and see if she would calm down, if she couldnt I would stay with her and say to her that she needs to calm down. We started using deep breathing and helping her breath by counting breaths in and out and we try to talk about other things or read a book to stop the hysteria. I found this really effective and then we would talk about it all a bit later on and explain why she shouldnt carry on like that. Her worst behaviour started at 3years and ended at 4ish. Occasionally she still has a huge meltdown and will say to me 'im sorry im trying to calm down" so I know she just cant. Most of the time if shes upset she will calm herself. Dont be too harsh and remember he is still a little boy who neds to be taught how to contain his emotions.

[Chubbles]

My DD just turned 5 and she has always been very emotional and over dramatic. She often gets into a state where she cant stop crying.
What has always worked for us is to make her take big deep breaths when she is hysterical. If she is willing to this will stop her crying pretty quickly. She calms down and is ok. I have to repeat over and over take a deep breath and she finally does and can then control herself.

If this fails and she refuses to even try we pop her in her room and let her go for it. The other thing I have done after 20 mins or so of full on crying is to take her outside. I have only done this occasionally if she has started to upset her brother and sister with her crying. The change of scenery instantly snaps her out of it.