[julzely]

I am getting married in 2 weeks (final numbers due tomorrow) and my soon to be MIL and FIL have asked DF and I if they can extend and invitation to a house guest of theirs who will be staying with them for 4 weeks (arrived 2 days ago). The house guest is a friend of a work colleague who they met for the first time at the airport. I feel awkward about having her there as we have only invited people we know personally and while there will be a large number of people coming (120), we have personal connections to everyone. We are also having family photos done prior to the ceremony and this guest does not have a way to get the venue by herself so would also be there for all the family photos. While I know she won’t be in the photos I feel it would be very odd to have her hanging around while they are being taken. The inlaws feel that the hospitable thing to do is invite her which I understand and would be more then happy to do if it was anything but a wedding.

So what would you do, extend the invitation or say that you are not comfortable having the house guest at your wedding?

ETA: Financially the inlaws are contributing to the reception so the money side of it is not part of the issue

This post has been edited by julzely: 13/03/2012, 11:50 AM

[Jenflea]

Just say no. You don't know them, THEY hardly know them, why have them at your wedding?
A guest wouldn't expect to go to every social event the hosting couple go to for a month, surely?

[countrymel]

Say you are not comfortable having this person at your wedding. Easy.

The in-laws have probably said it to their guest knowing that you will say no.

I can't see the person wanting to come anyway?


No one can get offended about that.

[Superman+4sister...]

She's welcome to come to the ceremony, and perhaps can be a stand-by for a last minute cancellation. But as a dedicated guest, no.

Enjoy your wedding!

[paddyboo]

I think it is quite rude actually. Considering how much a wedding costs per person to ask to invite someone even THEY barely know. Maybe you could say if they are happy to be a last minute fill in then they can come if you have any spaces free the week before (you will have had to pay for a specific number by then and you never know, someone might be ill)

[SeaPrincess]

I would say no, but make it sound like you're thinking about her - say you don't want her to be put in a position where she feels uncomfortable saying no if she doesn't want to, or that she has to buy a gift since she doesn't know you..... Be creative, I'm sure you can think of more, similar reasons.

R

This post has been edited by shmach: 13/03/2012, 11:45 AM

[meggs1]

I think it's good manners to extend the invitation.

[Oriental lily]

If I could afford it and a placement at sa table could be arranged then yes I would say.

The more the merrier I say! And there will be people op that you dont know well. Partners of friends and family ect.

A wedding of 120 is not a close intimate wedding. You will hardly notice a new face.

This post has been edited by Oriental lily: 13/03/2012, 11:45 AM

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

I am getting married in 2 weeks (final numbers due tomorrow) and my soon to be MIL and FIL have asked DF and I if they can extend and invitation to a house guest of theirs who will be staying with them for 4 weeks (arrived 2 days ago). The house guest is a friend of a work colleague who they met for the first time at the airport. I feel awkward about having her there as we have only invited people we know personally and while there will be a large number of people coming (120), we have personal connections to everyone. We are also having family photos done prior to the ceremony and this guest does not have a way to get the venue by herself so would also be there for all the family photos. While I know she won’t be in the photos I feel it would be very odd to have her hanging around while they are being taken. The inlaws feel that the hospitable thing to do is invite her which I understand and would be more then happy to do if it was anything but a wedding.

So what would you do, extend the invitation or say that you are not comfortable having the house guest at your wedding?

If you can easily accomodate the extra guest in terms of your plans and your budget, I'd probably extend the invitation but have a quiet word to the ILs to say that he/she is ultimately their guest, not yours. I could imagine in some family/cultural situations that it would be considered the height of rudeness if you did not include a house guest of the parents.

However, if you are really uncomfortable about it, then simply let your ILs know that.

More importantly, what does your DH-to-be think about this? What's his take?

[3_for_me]

If it is getting squishy with numbers I would just say that the places are full and you can't really adjust them now but that if someone pulls out before then and spot becomes available then you are happy for them to come. Atleast that way if someone does pull out the spot doesn't get wasted and your ILs feel like you are thinking of them as much as you are able