[Satay chicken]

Mich - I just try to remind myself that we have done the hard part, the waiting, trying naturally, the disappiontment, the tests etc - Although I fully know IVF is not easy in anyway, at least we know the process and what is coming up... That said, I'm scared too, not so much of the process, but of it not working

Bigwoo - They actually said not too look? I spose in saying that, we get a huge amount of information off Google which can cause one big mind fk, I know thats what happened with me with the uNK cell thing. Its good they are retesting, try not to worry too much yet (although I know its hard not to be concerned).

Emso - You ok matey? I see your name at the bottom of the page sometimes - just wondering how you are.

Hoping - Congrats! I'm so pleased you are feeling good about your appointment and moving forward. I so admire you girls going through this, I feel like such a wuss...

Hope everyone else is ok today! 6DPO for me and still very low luteal temps which is very disappointing. I used to get up into the 36.7's but now barely scrap in at 36.6's - I don't know why I am cooler - just so weird.

SIL and brothers baby due Sunday - preparing for the baby onslaught! Thinking of buying a nice bottle of Vodka to get me through the coming two weeks...xx Actually might need a few bottles.

This post has been edited by Satay chicken: 20/03/2012, 10:52 AM

[AmberSpark]

Satay - I bought one at the weekend, the pre mixed cask Vodka, Cranberry and Apple from Mishka and it was yummy with Ice. Just a heads up. !!! Got me through

[emso]

Emso - You ok matey? I see your name at the bottom of the page sometimes - just wondering how you are.

Yeah i'm doing okay... just plodding along. Really feel like I don't belong here anymore though... just waiting and waiting and the horrible thing is that we can't really give it another shot or try something different till we get to the top of the donor list. I feel like we've been TTC and now we're just waiting to see if we can actually get someone else's jizz to give us a baby. Its completely out of our hands now and i feel completely out of control.

I don't even feel like we're doing anything productive anymore. I am having mild panic attacks about the whole thing, and going round and round in my head about what if's.... its really stupid because I'm a psychologist and I counsel people every day about panic attacks and teaching them new things and getting them to change their thoughts but I really feel helpless in all of this now... I really thought I was coping with it all, but i'm finding it harder to pretend everything is okay. To make matters worse, my cycle seems to be all over the place this month, I should've O'd by now, but no signs whatsoever and now i'm freaking out that doing the IVF with my low AMH has basically taken all of my eggs and I'm going to hit menopause and then we're really out of luck... I know stupid... but Its just my crazy head talking...

Thanks for thinking about me

[AmberSpark]

Emso - thinking of you honey. I don't think it matters what profession you are. This is alot for anyone to deal with and take in. I am stressing about the whole IVF thing and can't imagine what it is like with your added problem on a donor and the waiting.
why don't you see someone and take your psychologist hat off. The brain is a horrible thing and it runs into overdrive sometimes. Take care and I will say a little prayer for you.

[leebec]

Emso - thinking of you

Satay - you need to relax. You have your holiday and everything else before you even get anywhere near your IVF cycle and you need to enjoy your holiday. Worrying about "what ifs" especially with IVF is going to get you no where. I have done 4 cycles now - 2 fresh and I am doing my 2nd frozen and you pretty much just have to let go. They control your hormones, when you will O, when they will retrieve and when they will transfer. There is nothing you can do to make that embie stick, if its going to stick, its going to stick.

There is an IVF book you can get from Dymocks, I think it is called making babies or something like that. You probably should get a copy of it and read it. Its peoples stories and I think a lot of them are from EB and it is very realistic about how many cycles people did and you know some people it didnt work for.

You cant go in to IVF thinking what if it doesnt work. It doesnt set you up for a good frame of mind and really your sanity is the ONLY thing you have control over when you are doing a cycle.

Mish - you need to switch off as well until you see the Dr on Friday.

I know I am probably sounding harsh girls but I have been doing IVF cycles since October last year and have done everything you guys are doing and it has got me nothing but heartache. This cycle we tried naturally, I hvae not cared about not doing Acu as I think its a waste of time and money. I had mcdonalds yesterday, so what. I have been having sugar free lemonade, so what.....none of that is going to stop an embie implanting or not.

Tonight we are going to BD as my transfer is tomorrow. I have read a few things on FF and in googling that says that some clinics ask for patients to BD the night before a transfer as the sperm has antinbodies that are supposed to help with implantation...why not give it a go, I have done protein only, I have done 5 pieces of pineapple from day of transfer, I have done only warm foods......

I am now at 4dpo. Transfer is at 9am tomorrow morning at the clinic (was given the option of at the hospital but I dont want my embies leaving the lab until they are in the catheter to go into me). I had a really big temp increase today as well. I have felt strange this month since O. Hopefully its to do with the Femara and the fact that the Endo is gone.

Again girls, sorry if I sound harsh or narky or something and if I upset anyone but seriously calming down and just going with the flow is really the only thing we can do.

[Satay chicken]

Emso - I so wish this was easier for you, i'm so sorry.
Have you thought about joining a support group? I know some of the clinics have groups for donor ladies, although I am sure you are fully aware of these.
As for your profession, this is about you and is totally different to you supporting someone else. My BF is also a psyc and I often am the one to talk through things with her; she still needs support in hard times too.
And, please keep talking to us - we are here for you and want to know how you are and be of a support to you.

Mish - That Vodka sounds bloody beautiful.... will be buying some on Friday....

Edit to add - Leebs, I know, I totally agree with you - and thank you for the book recommendation, will definately look into getting it.
I've got one more ACU / TCM month to go and then thats done so will be ready for a couple of month break by then..
All the best for your cycle this time around - you are one strong girl..x

Oh and Leebs - You are not being harsh, you are being realistic which is good.. BTW, I am still drinking on the weekend and have the odd ciggy.. so bad...

Have a good day girls, or as good as can be.

xxx

This post has been edited by Satay chicken: 21/03/2012, 09:16 AM

[AmberSpark]

Thanks Leebec, I don't find it offensive or anything, you are telling the truth from your experience and I appreciate that. Thank you. I have switched off, I think it hit me last night and I am only going to take one day at a time.

[Kate128]

Hi girls,

How are you all going?

Mish - good on you for switching off til Friday. I think Leebs is right....there's nothing you can do til then so try not to think about it. I'm sure you'll come out of it afterwards with some positive action plans, so try and look forward to that. In the meantime...why not hit the shops I say!!

Satay - I hear you hon. It is a big decision, and maybe some counselling will help you make it. Having said that, try not to fret or dwell on the 'what if's (I think Leebec has a point here too). For me, deciding to do IVF was a relief - I knew there was no chance we could do it ourselves, so I felt I was handing the job over to someone else in a way. It was the most positive choice I could have made and felt I was moving forward. So maybe that perspective might help you? Also, someone said to me, when they had gone through so many things to get a baby, that she never gave up because she wanted to get to 60 and look back with no regrets, no 'if only we'd tried...', none of that. So that's my inspiration too. xxx

Bigwoo - you never know. That's exactly how I felt last month.... Anyway, thinking of you xx

Hoping - that's so awesome you're excited. So glad your FS appointment went well.

Emso - am always thinking of you hon. I'm so sorry that it's so hard. Would it give you a bit of release to see a counsellor and just talk through everything. Don't give up, you're so strong and have come so far. xx

Leebs - sorry that O was painful, it really sounded not much fun. That's encouraging about Femera and endo. Your baby is in one of those embies remember...so let's hope it's whichever ones they pick out this time!! Your mental strength is amazing... stay strong.

Hi to XFingersand toes, Daisy (how are you going at the moment?), Gaia, Mia, everyone on the ET.

AFM, plodding along, trying to not think about it or worry about it....the worry never stops no matter what stage you're in I think...waiting for an appointment on Monday 2nd.

[XFingersAndToes]

Hi ladies,
My phone frustrates me sometimes. Haven't been on the computer for a couple of days but wanted to post a reply yesterday, and then it ate it. Anyway...
Emso, as others have said just because you are a professional doesn't mean you aren't a human being who can have the odd panic attack or read too much into things at times. Although we aren't in exactly your situation doesn't mean you don't have a place here, or that we aren't here to support you.
Please keep posting when you feel like it, whether it's a good day or a tough one.
Satay, my immune system overdrive mainfests on the outside mainly, not the inside. Severe inflammatory skin condition on and off, controlled by steriods or immunosuppressants when its bad. Will ask the doc about ANA test.
Leebec. Thanks for adding a bit of balance/ realism. Good luck for the transfer!
Thinking of you all, run out of time for personals.

[Satay chicken]

I cannot stand logging onto FB to find one of my One Hit Wonder friends whinging about her baby - Get over it and be grateful......

Nuff said....