[edgeofreality]

I'd let it go, partly because I would be too ashamed and cowardly to approach the wife, and partly because I wouldn't consider it my place to get involved.

Also, if it was me in the position of the wife, I wouldn't appreciate someone I didn't know telling me she'd slept with my husband.

Frankly, if my husband were having an affair, I wouldn't even want to know. Sure, before we had kids I would have been incandescently mad, but these days I would consider ensuring my daughter grows up in a house with her father to be much more important than my wounded pride. So long as he was using protection and doesn't bring home anything nasty, and didn't rub an affair in my face, I'd rather just go along, protected by my willful blindness and pretending everything is okay.

But then, I can't imagine my husband would have an affair. Not only would it be contrary to everything I know about his personality, but it would also involve leaving his study and missing evening raids on World of Warcraft

[Electric_Blue]

Oh this isn't this always a hard one? I heard Chrissie talking about this on the radio the other morning. And at first I was all for "The wife has a right to know, I would tell." until listeners phoned in and gave their opinion and one woman told a story of how she was seeing a guy and suddenly discovered he was engaged to another woman and when she confronted the woman about her fiance's infidelities she went absolutely nuts at this poor woman calling her a "liar" she wouldn't have a bar of it!

It also reminds me of another situation I found myself in. Back when in my early 20s my girlfriend and I were both single. My girlfriend had been seeing a guy briefly. Apparently she informed him that she "didn't want a relationship" although I knew she did...and when suddenly she was "falling for him" and told him he ran the other way. I could see right from the start that this wasn't going to end nicely.

Not long after that incident I met my now husband...My husband is very introverted and isn't the talkative type. My girlfriend instantly disapproved and confronted me basically telling me I should dump him and she saw this as doing me a favour by telling me to get rid of him. I tried to explain to her that he made me happy, and he was dating me...not her...he spoke to me and he wasn't obligated to speak with her and I couldn't understand why she felt the need to tell me to dump him.

She claimed it was because she could see that the relationship wasn't going to work...when she said that I told her that I didn't think that the guy she had been seeing briefly was going to work but I didn't see the need to stick my nose in where it wasn't welcomed.

Well...what did she come back with? That I didn't WARN her...I didn't warn her that I suspected that this relationship with this guy wasn't going to end well...and that I apparently deliberately let her get hurt....

Yes, I can only begin to imagine what would've REALLY been said had I said to her "I'm sorry but I don't think this guy is right for you....you should dump him."
Oh yes...I can see it now...and it wouldn't be "Oh thank you from saving me from so much pain and sorrow...I will dump him." it would've been "You're just jealous!"

My girlfriend did eventually grow to like my husband, and she's now happily engaged with a 1 year old daughter...such a different person now. I know she would never say anything like that now.

I don't quite understand why, but sometimes women just don't want to believe the harsh reality that they're partner/ husband is cheating of them. Maybe it's because when they hear it they're instantly angry and lash out and attack the other woman. Maybe it's because she refuses to believe her husband would do such a thing. Or maybe it's because some women are just so insecure they don't want to let go of a bad thing.

If my husband were cheating on me and another woman confronted me about it...I don't know how I would react...easy to say that I would thankful she told me but I guess it would depend on the circumstances. For example...if she was aware he was married I would probably be angry at her as well...if she was unaware than I would like to think my anger would be directed at my cheating husband.

[Bubble11]

I would want to know, so I could decide if I wanted to save my relationship or not and have a shot at saving it if that's what I chose.

If I was the other woman, I couldn't tell, I couldn't do it. You don't really know what another person's relationship is, or what they need. I think people deserve to know the truth but I'm not sure the other woman is the person who should tell it to them. Maybe if you could tell one of their friends and see what they thought if they thought they should know. If you do it though I think it has to be face to face or at least over the phone. I once got dumped by txt and I don't think txt or email is an apropriate way to tell anyone bad news.

[Fairey]

Tricky, tricky, tricky.

How would I react? I think I'd probably go spare, call someone a liar, carry on like a pork chop and all that.
But at the end of the day - I'd rather know that the life I'm living is a lie - because to me - that's what it'd be like: loving someone so unconditionally who loves me so much he's dicking around with others.

And I'd definitely love for the s*ut bag that he's cheating on me with to offer to help plot my revenge

However - having said all that - I doubt my hubby actually has the balls to cheat on me

[Chillbub]

The guys a love rat ... So 48% of you think it's ok he continually gets away with it ... He will find another victim. They always do.

[Chillbub]

Any decent man (woman) would have the balls to leave his wife (partner) first become single then serial date whom ever they want ... It's not difficult & then it's not cheating anyone or yourself.

[Pearlberry]

I wouldn't see it as my place to tell a total stranger that her husband is a lying cretin. The prospect ofdestroying their marriage, particularly if there were kids involved would be too much for me.

If the marriage is destroyed as a result of informing the wife of the husbands infidelity; then it is the husband who destroyed the marriage by his actions, not you.

[new~mum~reenie]

I wasn't married but BF cheated on me with another girl. She didn't know he was going out with anyone. I was the one that he took home to his mum etc and all his friends new me as his girlfriend. We'd been together for over a year.

HE (!!) actually introduced us - like we wouldn't work it out. He seriously was a plonker. Through conversation, it obviously came up that we had been together for ages etc. She looked a little surprised and said 'oh, didn't know he was seeing anyone'.... I didn't think much of it. Next time I saw her (2 days later) she spilled the beans and said she was really sorry, that he never once mentioned he was seeing anyone etc etc. She was on the edge of tears. I was gobsmacked, but did NOT blame her. She was an innocent made to feel like a criminal.

SO, yes - I definitely would want to be told. I'd rather know the truth. The relationship is obviously over anyway.

[Kavs]

It would definitely depend on the specific circumstances, but from Chrissie's account I think I would write a letter and leave my contact details at the end.

I think in most cases women know the man they are married to and their intuition would be screaming at them. Some women may wish to/be forced by circumstance to ignore the internal screams and others may be desperately seeking evidence to validate the intuition and subsequently soul-destroying insecurities. For this reason I think its not appropriate to make personal contact. By making personal contact you are almost demanding that she acknowledge something she may already be trying to ignore and that's her right.

From my point of view, I'm not sure I could resist the temptation to make contact to share the outrage with a sister similarly scorned, particularly as I'd also see it as a chance at closure/progression/revenge/something, but hopefully an open-ended letter would give me some sense of that without stupidly assuming the wife would actually share MY outrage.

I would provide enough details (dates, where they met and a phone number which might appear on phone records etc) so that she could cross-check and possibly confront, but no details of intimacy - that's soul-destroying and beside the point.

I would provide my contact details because I can't really morally justify not following through with the opportunity for the wife to find the answers for her own closure should she need to. I think by making any contact you are opening a can of worms and involving yourself in her life, its wrong to do that and walk away. It would be scary, she may be a complete lunatic but... I probably wouldn't meet her in person or tell her where I worked... maybe I'd just let her phone/email me and I'd send a photo if she wanted to know what I looked like.

[Jaxtar73]

I think it would be a bit hard to take, being confronted by a total stranger who tells you your husband was cheating with her - it would be hard not to think she was lying or had an agenda - including some form of weird attention seeking ??! or a perfect way to medicate disappointment that he was already married while also getting to star in their own personal melodrama...! I think Chrissie showed real maturity in not telling her. I agree that it's best left to the two of them, esp. where there are children involved.

(Married mother of one with another on the way...!).