[MandiiS]

Hi,

I know how devastating this is and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope for your sanity they can do your D&C soon.

I lost my bub recently too. On the 21st I had a scan at 10 weeks, after a previous bleeding scare and low heartbeat I wasn't feeling too positive anyway, but we were told the heartbeat had stopped and it had only grown to about the 5th week stage (4-5mm long). I was told they don't do D&C's as a routine anymore for early miscarriages as it had risks, and was given the option of either waiting for my body to miscarry naturally or taking medication to induce it. I couldn't handle the thought of waiting over Christmas so I chose the pills and I'm glad I did. They gave me one at the hospital that day to soften my cervix and block the progesterone, and I had to take 2 lots of 2 more pills 36 hours later to induce it. I got to do it my own home in my own time with my husband with me the whole time. There was cramping, blood and pain but not as much as I expected. 1 Panadeine Forte and a long shower was enough to take the edge off the pain. Physically it was over in a couple of hours from when I took the 2nd lot of pills. Weirdly, it felt a lot like I imagined the first stages of labour would feel like, and I managed to handle it quite well with my husband by my side. I now feel more prepared for when it happens for real.

I'm not sure if they gave you this option of the pills. In my case, it could have been because bub was so tiny they felt it would pass easily. They also said if I felt I couldn't mentally handle going through a physical miscarriage, they would do a D&C if I really wanted. I have read about women having a horrible experience with natural miscarriage, but for me it was not as horrific or painful as I expected. That could have been because I had already gone through almost 2 weeks of grieving beforehand, I knew something was wrong before they told me. Maybe this method is something you could ask about if you feel the D&C is taking too long. I didn't know about the pills until that day, I was prepared to go natural instead of D&C because I had read about the surgical risks.

Now that it's over, I'm finding it very difficult to get my head around the fact that I was pregnant, and now I'm not, but there is no baby to hold in my arms. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm so grateful for this support group. My amazing husband has been really knocked around by this whole experience, but even he admitted it must be 100 times worse for me than it is for him. We get all attached to these tiny little people growing inside us and then all of a sudden they're gone. This is not the Christmas I was hoping for. Now I'm just taking it day by day, going with the highs and lows, waiting for my body to recover so we can start trying again. I definitely feel stronger in some ways and much closer to my hubby, so there have been some positives to come out of this.

Love & hugs,
RosieA

Hi Rosie, I'm so sorry to hear of your recent loss. I believe we were part of the same due in group (July 2013) and just read your post over there.

I wasn't given the option of tablets, and after waiting one week for a natural miscarriage I couldnt handle it anymore and opted for the D&C.

Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sorry again to hear of your loss. It's nice to hear that you feel stronger and closer to your hubby as a result. I can completely understand and agree with that.

Maybe one day in the future we will be part of the same due in group again. Best of luck.

Mandii
xx

[with the goo goo...]

Much love to you OP and to you Rosie. I hope 2013 is a better year for all of us.

This post has been edited by with the goo goose: 01/01/2013, 01:59 PM

[Eirinn]

Oh OP, I am so sorry. My first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage too, discovered in the same way. I will never forget the way the world crashed down on me at that moment. My next pregnancy ended in loss too.

I know you won't want to hear this, but I am 7 weeks away from having my third living baby. I once felt like it was never going to be my turn, but I got there, and I am sure you will too. Be kind to yourself over this sad holiday period.

[TheGub]

Hi MandiiS,

I'm so sorry to read about your loss. I have gone through the exact same scenario as you have just now.

My NT scan was at 12.5 weeks on 17.12. I went in feeling fine and very much in the groove of being pregnant and with the understanding that I was to become a mum (first time). Not being at all a calm personality, I can't tell you how excited I was at the idea of seeing my gorgeous developing little baby!

This baby wasn't planned, but it was very much wanted by us both by this stage and my partner and I had spent a lot of time coming to terms with the idea of becoming parents and were very excited about this.

My scan showed the baby had stopped developing at 8w 2d. With no heartbeat or blood movement, my Doctor advised me to wait a week to see whether the wee pup would miscarry naturally. It didn't, and so I was off to the hospital on 22.12 to get a D&C.

The week of waiting between the scan and the hospital visit and not knowing what to do, and not being able to get my head around the fact that I wasn't pregnancy anymore and wouldn't be a mum to this baby was killing me. I was rubbish at work and didn't want to be around anybody. Then after the D&C the massive hormonal drop really put me in a state where I was passively depressed and distraught at the same time (Christmas Day).

Through all this, my partner has been a godsend and he has really put me in a state where I am OK with the situation. We went up the coast, had some lovely time at the beach and with friends and I have enjoyed a couple of very nice glasses of red wine and champagne that I would otherwise not have been able to partake in over the silly season. The support and kindness and happiness that he shows me has balanced me and put me back into my life as a non-pregnant female at this stage.

I know that I did nothing wrong with this pregnancy and it just wasn't time for this baby to come to me. I can't do anything to change what has occurred and I am now accepting. We are giving ourselves a one cycle wait and we will be trying again with a vengeance in this new year.

The upside of this whole process is that we have become so much closer as a result of it and we are very committed to this wonderful idea of having a family now between us. I can't tell you how exciting this prospect is to me.

So best of luck with trying to get pregnant again. I am sure that it will go as you hope, and that the right baby will come to you at the right time. I will keep my eyes out for you in the "due in" chat groups in the new year!

[hanz33]

I'm so sorry for your loss.