[Pup-pup]

My 2.5yr old has some quite high maintenance behaviours which I'd like to get feedback on.
None of my friend's children are like this, but I don't know if it's normal.
- she doesn't like to get dirty. Will insist on washing her hands or cleaning hands whilst eating or painting. She'll still continue to get messy and then get upset about it again.
- she likes things to be in order, or 'complete' and gets upset when her farm is missing an animal etc.
- she gets upset quite easily, or has a tantrum over something like, wanting the white pencil but the white pencil is broken. Or wanting to carry her own bag but its too heavy, or wanting to un-do buttons herself but can't. She gets sooo frustrated and has tantrums over it.
- she's very affectionate, but very clingy
- at daycare she's not mixing well with the other kids, but she's only been for 6days (1 day per week). She clings to the teacher.
- she's fine socially if I'm around - but would not cope with say an occasional crèche situation.
- she mixes with kids her age or older at least twice a week, in addition to daycare. She also has a 1 yr old sister.
- she's quite bright -I.e knows numbers to 20, letters & colours. Speaks clearly & in sentences.
-she isn't obsessive about activities as such, enjoys a wide range of activities. She might be engrossed in activities for 30mins.

Do you think these behaviours are worth investigating?

[peking homunculu...]

Sounds very normal to me

[laladidah]

I think it all sounds pretty normal.

DD is 2 yrs 2 months, but she is just like your daughter in terms of being paticular. Must wash hands because there's some miniscule spec of dirt there, and we spent a good six months working on messy play at home to get her to overcome this, things like finger/feet/body painting on a tarp, mudpie kitchens in the back yard, cooking where you mix the ingredients with your hands, Buying a sandpit so she wouldnt be so scared of it at parks But that said, I know A LOT of little girls who are like this at this age, so to me it seems very common.

My dd also likes things to be in order ....like if she has a tea party with her toys, all the cups have to be lined up, and the pink saucer has to be with the pink cup etc ..... but my CHN actually said to me that at this age lots of kids just like to "order" things, whether it be colour coordinating, lining things up in a straight line, putting all "like" objects together (like farm animals) its more like a new skill than a problem.

I know lots of kids who HAVE to carry the bag even though its too heavy, or HAVE to dress themselves even though they cant really .... stubborn two yr olds I would think its just a new desire to be independant.

I think starting one day a week at daycare at 2.5 would be very difficult. by 2 kids are starting to really develop emotionally, so it will take her a long time to warm up, especially as after going one week, it's 6 days before she's back in that environment again, so it will take her a while. But that said, if she's not unhappy at daycare, I dont really think its a problem ....... most of the under 3s at dd's daycare dont really "socialise" as such, at this age they're still very focused on doing things by themselves, or just some side by side play. I dont think many 2 yr old kids would be ok in an occasional creche situation, well none that I know anyway. Even dd is still clingy sometimes, and she's been in daycare 3 days a week, since she was 5 months old.

If you are concerned, have a chat with your child health nurse, or just ask your daycare staff whether they think she is fitting in like the other kids. That's normally how I reassure myself when I'm feeling worried about dd.

I'm super jelous that your dd will do one activity for 30 minutes

[libbylu]

Sounds totally normal to me. In fact, I would have described my DS in almost the exact same terms at that age. He had quite severe separation anxiety which impacted his social abilities for quite some time, but with a gentle approach he has gradually grown out of it. Some kids are highly strung, others are more chilled out.
Now he is 6 and is kicking goals in prep! He is still quite a particular child, but doesn't throw tantrums about it any more. He is doing fine socially (although has only two main friends at school, but that's okay I think as he plays really well with them and interacts considerately with other kids too) and he's excelling academically. His particular nature means he finishes the work he begins and concentrates hard to get things right. We had a few tears on odd days at drop off in the early weeks but he has settled in super well and totally loves it!
All preschoolers are different, and many of their quirks will diminish as they mature. I suppose if her quirks become more and not less prominent as she gets to preschool age you could think about following it up, but at age 2 it all sounds totally normal to me.

[squirt081]

- she doesn't like to get dirty. Will insist on washing her hands or cleaning hands whilst eating or painting. She'll still continue to get messy and then get upset about it again.
- she likes things to be in .order, or 'complete' and gets upset when her farm is missing an animal etc.
- she gets upset quite easily, or has a tantrum over something like, wanting the white pencil but the white pencil is broken. Or wanting to carry her own bag but its too heavy, or wanting to un-do buttons herself but can't. She gets sooo frustrated and has tantrums over it.
- she's very affectionate, but very clingy
- at daycare she's not mixing well with the other kids,
- she would not cope with an occasional crèche situation.

This part of your post OP sounds like my DD. She is 3yrs and has been diagnosed with speech delay, social delay, Global delay, anxiety, mild vit D deficency and severe iron deficiency. She also has some obsessive behaviours.

Op if you are worried take her to see a paed and see what they think. I'm glad I did.

This post has been edited by squirt081: 06/09/2012, 10:12 PM

[baddmammajamma]

Hi nic:

You've described some characteristics that are commonly seen in gifted kids...you've described some thing that are often seen in kids with sensory issues...you've described some things that I've seen in other children (both kids with actual developmental issues and those who don't have any).

Bottom line: the only way to really know if there's something up is to have your daughter checked out by someone qualified to make that judgment call. I am a big fan of developmental paeds because they have expertise across the entire developmental spectrum.

If your daughter's quirks and behaviors get to the stage where they are impacting her (or your) daily functioning or are causing considerable angst, that is always a sign in my book to get things checked out properly.

If I were you, I'd just keep my antenna up -- and I continued to have those niggling concerns over time, I'd act upon them. There's rarely any harm in getting things checked out, but there can be harm if issues go unaddressed.

[Pup-pup]

Thank you for your responses. She has been to a paed for her small size (nothing wrong but still being monitored), so she doesn't have any iron/vitamin deficiencies or other health issues, But I may consider a developmental paed for a check- especially if she doesn't settle into daycare in the next few months.