[chelle13]

My son started family day care at 12 months. He did not adjust well. He cried all day and we had him there 2 days a week. We sought assistance from the co-ordinator and worked on different strategies with the carer. It was amazing how much pressure our carer was under to try and get him to adjust, and for me the amount of pressure I recieved from other parents who said that I just needed to let him "adjust" made me constantly question my gutt instinct that he was not ready for this.
After 3 weeks with no improvement (in fact things were worse - he would start crying as soon as he saw us in work clothes and would be hysterical by the time we reached the centre) I spoke candidly with the carer about my son. She agreed that in 15 years of caring she had never seen a child this distressed by being in care and that she felt that he wasn't ready for group care. It was very emotional for her to admit this as she felt like she had failed as a carer. Personally I think it's terrible that we have this expectation that all children will adjust to care - and yet in the same breath we say "all children are different". My son was not ready for group care at 12 months old. We wound up working out hours between my husband and family to have him cared for by parents and at 18 months we engaged a Nanny. He is now almost 2 and has started at centre care - he cries when I drop him off but he is fine 15 minutes later. That's adjusting - not having a child that cries all day for 3 weeks, I am just annoyed that I waited 3 weeks to confirm what I knew.

[Kylie Orr]

Now when i leave, he bangs on the windows

Oh that's so tough, you poor thing! Hard to know if it is just the initial adjustment period which is normal for most, or if it really is something that needs to be further considered and other options engaged, isn't it?

Just on the sneaking out issue - I have always said goodbye to my children before leaving but after sitting with her for 30 minutes on the first day, where she was playing happily, the carer suggested we "disappear" while she was still happy. I hesitated but figured the carer was experienced and took her advice. What I should have decided is that I am also experienced and know my child, and leaving her without saying goodbye was not the best advice. Ultimately I think there's no easy or right was to leave a child who doesn't want to be left but I ensure I wave her goodbye now so she doesn't turn around and see me gone without knowing.

chelle13 - that's really upsetting for you and your son but I'm glad you found a solution and that he is now settled a year later.

I still feel guilty, and as I work from home, I often think that maybe I should just keep him home and try and work around him.

This is me too. Although I cannot be productive with a one year old around - I've tried it in the past and it just doesn't work.

Plus the other kids are a carer short if one has to be dedicated to your daughter all day.

I'm aware of this too and don't want to put extra pressure on the staff but they are all confident she will settle in eventually. I've been going there for 7 years, so I'm sure they'll tell me if they think she needs to be older or is taking up too much of their resources. I won't persist if she continues to cry all day. If she makes progress by just being upset at drop off, then we will see how we go....

[froggy1]

This article brought tears to my eyes, and I'm sorry to say, this is exactly why I stopped using childcare. The centres are great, but they do NOT suit all children. Both my kids are clingy, loving, shy little dots. This is why we got a nanny. We are poor but happy. Both girls settled into kinder perfectly at 3 because they were ready.

[josh2003]

This is me too. Although I cannot be productive with a one year old around - I've tried it in the past and it just doesn't work.

It's also not really safe. I find that I get so distracted by my work that I'm scared he's going to get hurt, so on that front, he's better off being at daycare.

[2FairyGirls]

Chelle13- your ds sounds like my son, except I persevered at a ldc for 4 weeks until the director sat me down and kicked her out with no warning. It was awful awful. Like you I kept being told every child eventually settles. I had never heard of a child not settling (and neither had the carers!) crying at drop off and then settling is "adjusting". Crying all day, distressed to the point of scratching their skin and screaming is not going to settle any time soon. I still have massive guilt about not identifying this after the first week. (she was attending 3 days in a row too). The whole this was so distressing that I never used a center again until preschool age. Zero problems at preschool. I hire a nanny prior to that for work. So I work for Ti pay my nanny! But eventually the investment will pay off!! I think how rich I will be when my kids are all at school !!!

Kylie: good luck. Try again but if the behavior repeats I wouldnt hesitate in waiting until your baby is at least 2 before trying again.

[Alpha_Chook]

Eamon has been in daycare since he was 8 months old, 3 days a week and he loves it. I guess it has a lot to do with the carers and I have always felt comfortable leaving him there. He has a little bit of a grizzle when I leave in the morning but is distracted quite easily. When we are driving there in the morning he starts clapping his hands when we drive down the street where daycare is. In the afternoon he is always happy to see me but not desperate to leave IYKWIM. I love that he gets to interact with other kids there and do lots of activities he wouldn't get to do at home (due to space and logistical reasons).

[Magenta Ambrosia]

Family Day Care is great for kids under 2 as it feels more like a friend or relative looking after them.
I am about to send DD2 (19 mth old) into a centre once a week due to a clash in times with her FDC and work, I hope she adjusts well - so hard to tell at this stage. DD1 is almost 4 and loves being around all the extra kids in a centre.
Different ages and different kids cope differently with each situation. I just wish we could get CCB and CCR with a nanny as it would then be a more ideal situation for me.

[EBeditor]

My daughter settled in very easily at 7 months as it was before separation anxiety kicked in. DS at 11 months was much harder. It also depends on the personality of the child.

My tips are to take them at similar times each day, be happy and positive and don't show your own anxiety. I always take DD over to a carer who will distract her with an activity or just give a cuddle.

Don't linger too long, give a big smile goodbye and then return at a similar time each afternoon.

[clinkers]

DS1 began crying at daycare around the age of 2, not crying all day, just at drop offs for about 15 mintues. He had been attending child care since he was 9 months. By the time he was 3.5 we gave up, it wasn't getting better. We withdrew him at 3.5 years of age.

I was lucky to get a job at a school that had a kinder attached. He was happy there, knowing that I was only a short distance away and the hours were shorter.

DS2 has never become upset at child care. DH drops him off and I collect him. DH says that by 8.30am he is picking up his bag and asking to go to child care.

There was a long easing-in process, which I started a month before I had to go back to work.

We did this with both children.

This post has been edited by clinkers: 11/02/2012, 03:47 AM

[clinkers]

I just wish we could get CCB and CCR with a nanny as it would then be a more ideal situation for me.

This

I have a friend who would happily share a Nanny with me. Do the kinder runs etc? How much easier and less stressful would life be? No work days off due to illness etc...