[Reve4]

I think it is very normal to be upset when remembering a prem or traumatic birth. The first birthday is the worst, but I can say that even after six years it is still with me. Not so much on birthdays only, but at random times.

Sometimes I get a sick feeling in my stomach thinking back to NICU times. When my daughter was in NICU / SCN (27 weaker) I operated on autopilot. I just got up, went to hospital, did what I had to do, with little emotion. I held my breath for twelve weeks. Now, sometimes, I pay for that breath-holding by finally reviewing what I (and she) went through. When I stop to think too much, I hold my breath again and feel sick.

So what I choose to do most of the time is not think about it too much. I brush that thought from my mind, look at her playing happily and move on.

You will get there too.

Yes I can certainly relate to this post.

[~ky~]

OP ... I just wanted to come in and say never think that you have no right to be upset or grieve just because you still have your child with you.

I am a Mum of seven, three of whom are still here, three were born early and sleeping and one was born with complex congenital heart disease and passed away at 9 days old. I would never, ever compare my grief to yours nor would I ever say that you have no right to grieve. You didn't end up with the perfect pregnancy and birth you dreamed of, nor did your little one arrive all healthy and without issues. You have every right to be upset and mourn the dreams that were so abruptly replaced by your reality.

I send you wishes for gentle days ahead and ever improving health for your precious little girl. I hope that you are able to celebrate her first birthday with a lightness of heart xxx

[Precious Z]

Hi Op,
I feel your pain, my DD was a 33 weeker and was in NICU for 5 weeks due to IUGR. I didn't get to hold her for 5 days until after she was born and could not bf for as long as i wanted to.
I remember during the NICU days, standing outside the hospital and watching all the other mums carry their babies out in their arms. Boy did i feel resentful and think why me.
She is 7.5 mths now and i still feel robbed of everything surounding her birth. I am sick of always having to discuss her adjusted age and always being on the lookout for developmental milestones to make sure she is ok.
I haven't even joined any playgroups because i just dont want people comparing her to other babies. I know there are playgroups for prems but im just procrastinating.

Also don't know if i should celebrate her birth date or the date she was meant to be born or both. Can't wait till i can go off just one age for her.

This post has been edited by Halle: 10/08/2012, 09:41 PM

[mpjp]

Another one who shares your feelings and believes your feelings to be 'normal. My Ds wass born at 31 weeks under GA, was on a ventilator in NICU for sometime and was in NICU 2 months.

OF COURSE we are grateful all worked out in the end but that experience IS traumatic and I think that anniversary flashbacks are understandable and in fact a part of the process of working through that trauma.

My DS's 1st b'day was the hardest in that respect and each year it's gotten easier and easier.

Be easy with yourself.

[SMOKER]

No OP, I can understand those feelings. Even though I have past the girls first birthday and I though I was going swimmingly. Girls were born all >1kg at 28+1

That is until a new child health nurse turned up in my area.... She was a NICU nurse where my girls were born 1600km away! One of my girls got NEC and this particular nurse was the one that suspected it. (I feel she saved DD2s life) Now I have to see this nurse all the time and I find it very traumatic and burst into tears every time I see her (I am sure she thinks I am a fruitloop) but my DH doesn't understand, He thinks because the outcome was good I shouldn't worry but I tried to explain to him even though the outcome was good the journey wasn't at times.

I am getting better every time I see her but it is hard, but I hate that she is a constant reminder of my 14 weeks in the NICU/SCN