[whathousework?]

I've just finished reading today's 'Ask Bossy' column on News.com.au and today's letter is from a SAHM who's DH wants her to go to work and not be SAHM. They had agreed early on to have a 'traditional marriage' and that she would be a SAHM. They have a 3yo DS.

The article got me thinking...both DH and I have always had decent government jobs. I returned to work when the kids were 4 and 6 months old respectively. Mainly because it had never occurred to me in this day and age to not work and to rely on a partner to support me and our kids, but also because the bills necessitated it ie first mortgage, no equity, stuff all savings, etc. A few months ago I quit my job and we are now a one income family. DH works casual in a new government job, though also has his defence pension to help us out. We now have a bit more equity in the house and are better with our money than we were when the kids were first born. I am also studying full time at uni and won't be finished until the end of next year. There seems to be so much emphasis on being a SAHM until the youngest is at school, and I can understand this as it saves on child care costs and dramas, no guilt about 'someone else raising the child' etc. But, for us at least, this was not doable.

Since I quit my job earlier this year we have found our family unit has become a lot closer and more relaxed. It has meant I can take my time dropping the kids off and picking them up from school, speak to their teachers and other parents, arrange after school playdates without needing a months notice and logistics which would rival that of a military invasion, can take this kids to after school activities, etc. It's been great for our marriage as neither of us feel like we are trying to squeeze everything in at the detriment of something else. We have a lot more fun and time together as a family. We still don't have a heap of of equity in the house, and we're eating in to it with me not working, but knowing that in 2 years (max) i'll be back in the workforce full time, it makes it easier to put up with.

Everyone else I know has returned to work at the same time I did, or when the youngest started school. I have not heard of anyone stopping work when the youngest started school. Have you? Did you?

[Ianthe]

Most families that I know have had the SAHP graduate back to work as their children got older. Off the top of my head I can think of a couple of mums at school that have school age kids and don't work but they are in the minority for sure.

[myfairlady]

I am a SAHM now and probably will be when the kids go to school too. I have never heard of anyone stopping work when their youngest started school but you should do it if this is what suits you and your family. Sounds like you have found a perfect balance which is so hard to do - good on you I say!

This post has been edited by dudewheresmycar: 07/05/2012, 11:45 AM

[roses99]

I can see the appeal in not working, even when your kids are in school; it would mean you could go to school assemblies, pick the kids up, take them to activities, have a clean house, do groceries unencumbered...gosh, sounds like a dream!

In reality, it's not possible for most families for financial reasons alone. But, personally, I couldn't do it for two other reasons. Firstly, I enjoy/need the mental stimulation of work. Secondly, I think it's incredibly important that women continue to remain employable. I work part time.

It doesn't matter who you are, but ANY woman (except maybe one or two with trust funds ) could find herself suddenly without a partner (death/divorce) and need to provide for her family. How much harder would that be if you've been out of work for a decade or so?

I think study is a great option for women wanting to be at home but also re-skill for an eventual, meaningful return to the workforce.

[Belle~Vie]

Argh! I shouldn't have read this today!

My DD is starting daycare today as I'm going back to work. I've been in tears over it, but I think I'm doing the right thing for my family at this point.

Just very sad about it

I plan to work when my kids are in school, school hourly-friendly work. I can't stay home, I'm a hopeless SAHP & without the kids there I think I'd hate it even more.

[whathousework?]

Belle~Vie: sorry! I never thought I would enjoy being a SAHM and was bored to tears on maternity leave. We were in a remote area a few years back for 6 months and I was working very very casually and was a horrible mummy during this time. I'm a very outgoing person and I crave adult interaction. Uni provides me mental stimulation and I do a bit of volunteering as well. If it's any consolation, my house is messier now that ever was when I was working (because I'm home less now!).

[BadCat]

I didn't become a SAHM after my kids started school but I remained one. My youngest is now in year 6 and I'm still a SAHM. It suits our family. If we had debts and were strapped for cash I would work but as we are debt free I can do whatever suits us best.

I love that we rarely have to rush anywhere and we are pretty much stress free, as you described. If you can afford to stay home and it makes you and your family happy then why not?

[SarDonik]

Don't you think you will get bored? By that I mean brain boredom as opposed to activity boredom?

[Green Door]

I'm at stay at home mum, I don't plan on going back to work anytime soon if ever. My DH and I don't think about what would happen if we got divorced I don't think that's healthy. ( I know not smart and things happens ) but we both have 2 life ins policies , so if something were to happen to the other money wise we would not need to worry .

[mokeydoke]

I thought I'd be working by now, but I realised that having kids in school doesn't make your life less busy after all and I find it harder to fit everything in now I have 3 at school than when I had only 2 or 1.