[mum2jp]

Hi DS is 13 Months old and has recently become very impatient and chucking tantrums over everything. Most of the time is when he doesnt want to do something (eg nappy change), or when you take something off him (eg phone, remote or anything else that he shouldn't really have) or when im cooking dinner or washing up he hangs onto my legs whinging. He grabs at whatever it is you are removing, yells, crys and hit my hands or arms. Nappy change is a nightmare most times he is screaming, kicking e with his feet and rolling side to side on the change table.

I know its normal for kids to chuck tantrums but i am really frustrated by the hitting and yelling. We have never smacked him and dont geneally yell or shout and he is the only child so he dosn't have much to do with other kids i just dont get where the behaviour is coming from. I always give warning before taking things from him (eg No ta for mum) and dont just snatch it away and have wall stickers and distraction toys for nappy change, it doesn't seem to prevent the tantrums. When he carrys on i generaly try to ignore it or tell him 'no' and sit him down and just let him cry for a mintue then he usually gets distracted anyway.

I am hoping that its a phase and a short one at that. He is starting childcare next week and i would hate for him to carry on like that for them. So does anyone else have any strategies that they use for young toddlers tantrums. Do you think some kind of time out spot would work or is he to young ??

This post has been edited by mum2jp: 11/02/2012, 06:25 PM

[mrs_bling]

Hi OP,
My 18 month old is exactly the same and she has been like that for about 2 months now. It's really upsetting when it happens because you get so frustrated with them. I read somewhere to try and stay calm and not yell which I am starting to try and do (it's not really working) but I'm hoping she grows out of it too.

With your little one do you think it could be boredom? Is he walking yet? Could be a frustration thing.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

[Allymeg69]

My nearly 17mth DS started doing these sorts of things probably around the 13-14 mth mark too. If he was unhappy with something, such as taking something away from him (which we only do within reason, eg if the object is a potential danger or fragile), or not letting him do something, he would fling himself down on the floor and start banging his head on the tiles! Very upsetting. Now, he might still fling himself down but doesn't head butt the floor, he fairly quickly learnt that didn't help anyone. I also find it trying if he comes and clings onto me, and as harsh as it might seem I've learned you do just have to try and walk away and ignore it. When he's getting tired it's definitely worse.

We are also non-smackers although we do raise our voices a bit (especially when we have my 3 stepkids around!), but DS only has his step-siblings with him every second week so he gets a lot of our attention. He now hits me if he is unhappy about something occassionally, and can be a kicker/roller on the change table. Funnily he is very compliant for his daddy! We just keep on trying to distract, explain what we are doing (he definitely understands "I need to do this and then you can go back to playing" etc), and if he hits anyone, we very firmly tell him "no", tell him he hurt us and ask him to say sorry, he understands he has to give us a hug as his way of saying sorry.

DS has just started showing a little bit of this behaviour at his childcare, so we are working on employing the same discouraging and sorry strategies there. We (us and his carers) think it does have something to do with him gaining a greater sense of himself and more independence, and he is testing the boundaries, so it is the right thing to be making sure there are some firm boundaries.

It sure is challenging!

[Jax12]

Our DS is exactly the same. He's 15 months now and has developed a bit of a nasty temper, which is such a shame because he has always been (and, for the most part, continues to be) a lovely natured little thing. But he hits when he's unhappy and whines as soon as you do something he disagrees with. He also picks things up and throws them in anger.

I have tried using a stern voice - not yelling as such but definitely raising the volume, lowering the pitch and using body language to discourage bad behaviour. He is always given warnings and told no. When he does stop the naughty behaviour I immediately switch my tone and praise him. If he continues to hit (this is the behaviour that worries me the most) or throws his food/toys/etc I have started picking him up after the third/fourth no and moving him to the corner of the loungroom. I first did this after the daycare lady mentioned putting him in time out for throwing blocks. My first reaction was that he was too young for that type of punishment, but surprisingly he seems to understand what's going on. Any other time you move him somewhere he doesn't want to be he jumps up and toddles off, but when he's been put down for being naughty he doesn't move. He does, however, cry in a way that breaks my heart and I don't think I leave him more than 20-30 seconds at most...particularly as he almost never cries tears but tends to well up when this happens. Reading that back makes me wonder if I am being too harsh with him. I've only had to do that about three times though.

My mum keeps telling me he's too young to be taught not to throw his food but he absolutely understands that he shouldn't do it and, in my opinion, is totally testing the boundaries. I am determined to be consistant and keep trying to reinforce good behaviour.

I think it's going to be a long road...

Good luck with your little one. Don't stress about where he's picked it up from - I think it's just a natural way for them to express their frustration and anger.