[JJ]

Hi all, I'm starting to wonder if my DS's behaviour is normal for that age group or if I should worry. He's 11 and in Year 6, off to high school next year. Unlike his younger sister who has always had her passions, and is enthusiastic about trying just about anything, he just seems bored by everything and hasn't got any particular interests. He's smart but not "gifted" or anything like that (was tested a few years ago), but he's never had trouble keeping up with his school work. Just does the bare minimum to get through and stay out of trouble. He doesn't do any after-school activities, which is fine with me - I don't think every kid has to do them, but on the other hand I wish there was something that excited him.

He hates sports - it's not that he's bad at it, just doesn't like it. Any kind of performing arts is anathema to him ("dancing and prancing" he calls it ). He's in the school choir, but only because he was made to join. Not interested in playing a musical instrument. Hates reading. Is good at maths, but that's "boring" (OK, that I can understand). Is interested in science but has just about done all the science experiments you can safely do at home, and doesn't want to look into how it all works any further because that's "too hard". He loves his gadgets & playing games, so spends a bit of time on his iPod, DS, Wii etc. - but gets bored with that too, so it's not like he's on those things non-stop. Good at drawing/art but that's "too hard" also. He likes cooking so I tried to get him excited about maybe doing food tech in high school, but he only wants to do that if there's lots of other boys doing it too, because otherwise it would be "uncool" (ditto with all the other electives - too hard, boring, not cool etc.). He likes Lego - he's pretty much over the regular Lego now but enjoys the Technic sets - but gets bored with those pretty quickly too, and once again, learning more about how it all works would be "too hard".

What do I do? We had a conversation about this yesterday and I actually asked him what it was like not to be interested in anything, because I've never experienced it myself... and not surprisingly he admitted it was boring. He's very well behaved most of the time but I'm wondering if that boredom will eventually cause trouble.

Any thoughts? Anyone else got a pre-teen like this? I'm not a pushy parent, even though I may sound like it in my post, so it's not like I'm on his case all the time, but it would be so nice to actually see him get excited about something... anything!

[howdo]

It seems unusual to be interested in *nothing* ... I have no ideas or anything really to add though. It must be frustrating.

[Spring Chickadee]

What do this friends enjoy?

we had a 9yo for a while who claimed not to have any interests or like the idea of anything we brought up. He would even sit by himself at lunch and recess not accepting any invitations to join in with teh activities the kids were playing (handball, soccer, tip etc). Turned out to be a social confidence thing (that was also affected by an undiscovered medical issue). He eventually developed an interest to try new things with lots of encouragement to try try try and the neighbourhood kids wizzing past our house on bikes and skateboards and scooters.

Within 3 months he would average 2 hours on his bike/scooter daily, had joined a soccer team and loved handball at breaktimes.

During that time i also tried to introduce other hobbies to him- warhammer, reading, computer games etc.

I understand It's probably a very different situation, but thought I would share.

[soontobegran]

What do his friends do?
I found that my son at that age liked to be with his mates and played sports and rode bikes and skateboards etc with them on what seemed a daily basis.
Not much help I know but I'd be delving a bit deeper and maybe 'leading' him towards something because I do believe it is not good for a pre teen/teen to be idle.
Good luck with this.


snap. SC

This post has been edited by soontobegran: 07/05/2012, 10:20 AM

[Sassy Girl]

Have you suggested joining a group like Scouts ?

This post has been edited by Sassy Girl: 07/05/2012, 10:26 AM

[cward]

I don't have a child that age yet but I'm just wondering when he is saying things are "too hard" is that just because he is afraid to try them in case he fails. Not sure where you are but I know there are lots of places offering after school/weekend/holiday science clubs etc. For example the Powerhouse Discovery Centre in Castle Hill in Sydney have heaps of school holiday activities including one for that technics lego.

Also if you have a CSIRO they may have science clubs etc.

I'd probably be pushing him to give it a try at least a 1 day workshop in the holidays. He isn't going to know if he likes it or if it is too hard if he never tries it and sometimes we just have to push them a little. Does he have a friend that might want to do it too, perhaps talk to the friends parents and see if the friend would be interested then at least he isnt going by himself. My DD and 3 of her school friends (1 girl and 2 boys) did a CSI workshop in the last holidays and learnt all about fingerprints and investigating crime etc it was great.

[SplashingRainbow...]

Not a parent of a pre-teen but you have described him exactly the way my husband describes himself at that age.

FWIW my husband is a very successful professional who works very hard at the things he enjoys, and his hobby is iPhone app development and computer programming. He has always been into computers, as is his father so it probably helped him to have someone to foster that interest.

I would be seeing if you could work with the computers/programming/graphic design angle. Are there TAFE Courses he could do to push or extend himself? Learn something new/create something.
My husband gets a lot of satisfaction out of creating a program or app. It uses a wide variety of skills - sequencing, understanding the users needs (communication), design/art, patience, persistence, responding to feedback and criticism, marketing his product, writing the program - using computer language, ordering his thoughts logically etc.

Hope I've explained it ok. Don't despair, I'm sure your young man will grow into a delightful adult. Some of the characteristics that may frustrate you now can be a big asset in the workplace. DH is instantly able to see when someone is doing a task for the sake of it, not because it is needed or the most efficient way of doing things. He makes a lot of money out of improving systems and removing inefficiencies.

This post has been edited by brighton14: 07/05/2012, 11:10 AM

[ali27]

Don't worry OP, we are all programmed differently and your son will find his niche in time. I would provide him with the opportunities for activities - maybe have some art/design materials at home, ability to do cooking, ride his bike whatever.
Some people actually prefer to do individual things. Maybe a gym membership, if here is one near you where he could exercise in his own way with a bit of adult supervision.

As time goes by, he will develop his own hobbies and style.

[JJ]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all the replies.

Part of me is worried and part of me is still hopeful that he will find his niche eventually. It just that right now he just seems to grin and bear most things but not really enjoy them. He has always been very independent, so he does need activities that aren't heavily managed. I have suggested things like Scouts etc. and he did go to a similar group for a while that was offered by a local church (not heavily religious or I wouldn't have agreed to it), but he didn't enjoy that at all.

He is quite social and loves to hang out with friends after school but usually they just watch TV or play games on the Playstation, Xbox, Wii etc. - whatever is available depending on whose house they're at. Or they just roam around outside (small town where they can still safely do that) - there's nothing really wrong with that and I appreciate that he has that kind of freedom, but I do worry sometimes that boredom may eventually give way to destructive behaviour.

I like the idea of holiday workshops. I don't think there's a lot available around here but he always spends part of the holidays with relatives in Sydney, so he should have access to lots of things there, as long as someone is willing to take him (which I'm sure they are). Re. TAFE courses - do they really have any for 11 year olds? In that case that may be an option too.

The other thing is that he lives with his dad during the week (I have him weekends), so there's only so much I can do (and his dad isn't likely to ever take him to any activity he doesn't desperately want to do, so I guess he's not getting any encouragement there). I've been holding off regular weekend activities because that's "our special time" so to speak, but maybe I'll have another look around for some short courses/workshop type activities. He does enjoy outings to museums, the zoo etc. but I can only afford those a few times a year.

Thanks again. x

This post has been edited by JJ: 07/05/2012, 11:54 AM

[workingmum]

I have a boy the same age (11 - Yr 6), and he is pretty much only interested in playing the Xbox and being on his computer (and it's the same with all of his mates) - we do have a rule though in our house, that each child has to play a sport or an instrument - even if the complain (they have stages where they want to quit), they have to go. He plays Football, so it means he has to go to training once a week, and a game once a week.