[diary~dad]

The Single Sex Household
By Joseph Kelly

Recently we had a great holiday on the Gold Coast. Returning home, we checked our luggage in at Coolangatta airport. The lady assisting us gave a few gruff demands for our tickets and terse instructions on how to load our bags onto the conveyor belt. She then obviously recalled a training video of customer interaction and decided to engage us in conversation.

"You've got three daughters?" she accused.

"Yes" I said. "We'll probably call it quits there" I added, just in case she wanted to launch into a lecture on over-population.

"Don't you want a son?" she countered.

To be honest I didn't quite know how to answer. Susie and I have had a lot of discussions about this. The fact is I would love to have a son, in the same way I would love to have a Porsche - it would be great but my life won't be any less fulfilling without it. I would also love another daughter. But I also know that after three caesareans and with mid-thirties giving way to late-thirties, another baby is just not an option.

As I floundered about trying to respond to Miss Tactful, Susie casually rested a hand on my shoulder and told me it was alright to admit I would like a son. I looked at Susie's face and felt utterly embarrassed and annoyed that we had been put in this position in the middle of a cavernous, non-descript airport lobby. Two minutes ago I was booking my luggage on a flight, now Susie and I are suddenly on Oprah's couch.

"I love my daughters" I finally answered. "And I had four sisters, so I'm pretty down with the whole 'girl' thing".

And this is all true. My daughters have been my biggest gift and I love everything about them. I enjoy rolling up my sleeves and helping Frances prepare cakes in the sandpit that she can sell from the window in her cubby house. I love the fact that Maisie is now teaching me every hand-clap and skipping rhyme that my sisters taught me years ago. I get a massive kick out of picking baby Rita’s outfit each morning and parading her to Maisie and Frances for their fashion assessment. And seeing the natural and effortless way in which my three girls play together constantly reminds me of the wonderful childhood I shared with my sisters, and I love that.

Catching our flight, and clutching my girls during take-off, I was able to put some perspective on my exchange with Miss Tactful. She wasn't to know the much discussed and debated issue of baby-number-four. "Couldn't you just see a little boy on his shoulders?" is a favourite question my mother likes to ask Susie. Susie, having used up all her restraint in not strangling my mum, would obviously rather not feel as though she has to defend what is a mutual decision to not have any more children. And I would rather not be made to feel that I was somehow missing out on my gendered birthright by not having a male son and heir.

So hopefully next time someone asks me if I want a son I’ll be composed enough to give them a direct and honest answer – that I can’t imagine any child giving me greater joy than the three I have.

Do you have a single gender household? Are you constantly asked if you want a son/ daughter? How do you respond?

This post has been edited by diary~dad: 20/07/2010, 01:58 PM

[ekbubby]

We have 2 girls. To be honest neither of us wanted a boy.

I thought my husband would but he didn't. If he ever got asked the question' Don't you want a boy to add to the mix?" he always answered no.

[BetteBoop]

DH and I have one girl. We can't have more kids but my DH would love to have a second child, and yes he would love a boy.

He adores our DD but this doesn't change the fact that he feelssad occasionally that he won't get to parent a son.

I think it's common for men to feel like this. Society in general suggests every man should want a son. Funnily enough, the mother wanting daughter assumption doesn't seem to be as entrenched.

[anon60]

It's called "making small talk".

We had 3 boys and were very happy with that, our family complete. We received a pleasant surprise 5 years after our last boy in the shape of an unplanned baby who happened to bre a girl. The number of people who assume that we kept going until we had a girl. is probably the same as those asking you if you're gpoing to try for a boy

This post has been edited by anon60: 20/07/2010, 02:02 PM

[Silverbaby]

I am pregnant with my second son after 2 miscarriages. We are so glad to be expecting a healthy baby but I am constantly amazed at people who ask me ( and hold on I haven't even HAD number 2 yet) if we're going to try a third time for a girl.

I don't understand this reasoning and find it hard to take from complete strangers.

I usually respond by saying, no we don't want a 3rd - boy or girl. we'll be very happy with 2 healthy children.

Still it makes me so angry!!

[=R2=]

I feel your pain. DH does too especially he's the only boy in the household. Like ekbubby above we never really wanted to have boys. I've always just imagined girls in my family. DH on the other hand, has already been traumatised by the abundance of physically rough and tumble boys on both sides of our family. He gets to put up with our 2 squealy and equally rambunctious tornados of pink instead.

The comments don't bother me anymore TBH.

[BVB09]

I have a son and I am pregnant with my second. Don't know the gender, but deep down I know my MIL would love us to have a girl only because she has grandsons, but at the end of the day, as long as my baby is healthy, I am happy to have another boy.

[Guest_*alpharuby*_*]

Is gender really as big an issue as what EB would have me think?

[soontobegran]

We had 4 DD's in 4 years--WE were thrilled but apparently nobody else seemed to share the joy.
We felt it particularly after our 4th beautiful daughter when DH started calling friends and family from the delivery suite to tell them and was met with " well that was a waste of time" and "never mind" and "better luck next time" to the point he stopped calling anyone. No way was anyone going to destroy our happiness with their crappy attitudes. One would be excused for thinking that she was sick or something
I detest that attitude, I got so defensive for this poor little 4th daughter who didn't ask to be born yet was already a disappointment to people.
I gather that many felt out anger and of course once they met her she was accepted and loved but when we got pregnant again it was presumed that we were 'going for a boy'
We weren't, we weren't trying for a baby but it happened and we were ecstatic and of course presumed we would have a 5th DD.
Our 5th child was a boy and we felt not one bit different because we had a son instead of a DD, but of course we were inundated with flowers, gifts and cards from people who didn't send them for DD3 or DD4 just because he was a boy TBH I felt like packing them up and sending them back. If our girls didn't deserve a card in their eyes then why did our boy?

Apparently "you aren't a man if you don't have a son"-----thank goodness my DH was able to prove his 'manhood' on his 5th attempt

[farfaraway]

We recently welcomed a second beautiful daughter and couldn't have cared less what her gender was, but my MIL was very vocal about how we had "missed out" when we told her it was another girl. She has since been telling all and sundry that we will have to "go again" to "get" a boy. Pfff. We haven't decided yet whether we would like another child (given our baby is only 8 weeks old!) but comments like this and attitudes that insist your family is incomplete without the "correct" gender mix make me seriously consider stopping at 2 gorgeous girls.