Jump to content





Photo
- - - - -

Buddha Baby

Posted by PClaud , 01 November 2012 · 410 views

When my three year old was born I did not know anything about parenthood. I thought I was lucky to have a sister in law (SIL), to share the experience with, as her little girl was born only 1 month apart from my Hannah.

My SIL actively discouraged me from joining a mother's group, suggesting it was just a forum for judgement as she had previously had a bad experience pregnant at the age of 20 when she found herself in a posh group of mums from the north shore.

Taking her advice, I didn't join one, and therefore had little opportunity to track my daughters progress through discussing what was normal with other mums. Maybe I did miss the potential downside of judgement, but I feel I definitely missed a greater opportunity to gain confidence from learning about shared experiences.

As Hannah grew up I roughly monitored her progress. She has always been extremely tall for her age and therefore never really chubby. When she got a bad chest infection at 7 months and lost a lot of weight, I remember feeling so happy that she had a little extra in case she had gotten sick and gained a bit of insight as to why babies often look so rotund.

In the meantime around the coffee table I heard my SIL nattering to her friends about one of their in laws whose son was apparently extremely overweight for his age (about 1). From what they were saying the boy was most likely overfed and the mother was terrible for not understanding this. I remember agreeing in my head that that must be the reason. I probably joined in the condemnation of this unknown mother.

Fast forward two years from that conversation and the boy has become a greyhound. When I see or hear of him I feel so guilty about ever thinking the mother was doing something wrong. I have just had my second child. A boy, Oscar, who has the largest most kissable cheeks on the planet and happiest demeanor. I consider him my reward for surviving three years with my fiercely independant and unstoppable daughter who exhausts me even though I adore and admire her.

When Oscar was born he didn't feed well and would stay on the boob for hours. In a matter of weeks he was diagnosed with an upper lip tie that was preventing him from feeding easily and giving him a small blister on the lip. We got it snipped and life for the both of us got a lot better. At about 4-5 months Oscar probably got slightly above average in the weight scale whereas he was only about 50% in the height for age chart.

At the time I did not care at all about this as I had been visiting one new mother friend of mine whose baby was so underweight at 8 weeks I thought I was visiting a newborn. I had never felt so frightened seeing the small child and I remember rushing home to smother kisses all over my plump large cheeked munchkin. I was worried for my friend but she had mentioned the baby was being monitored and was putting on weight albeit slowly. I didn't say anything at all because of course she was a dear friend and I just knew she was doing her best and their would be no benefit in worrying her any more than she already was.

In contrast another friend had been having an equally difficult time as her beautiful 9 month old was particularly large and she had felt pressured to go to the paediatrician to ensure everything was okay. As soon as they had sat down they were told to take their first world problems elsewhere as the Doctor has really sick children to see. Amazingly supportive as those comments were I know my friend has continued to worry and doubt whether she should be controlling her little ones calorie intake as she fit into size 3 outfits before her first birthday. All I know is her daughter had a very healthy appetite, ate healthy food and has a particularly tall father. Why my friend continued to receive criticism about her daughters weight even as I have noticed the girl losing a lot of the baby fat, is something I cannot answer.

My sister in law has been making remarks recently about Oscar's size. Every time I see her she will look at him and say something like "How is the little monster/isn't he huge..."
I find it really gets to me and I especially struggle to understand how she can say this when she herself has been getting a hard time from our Mother in Law (MIL) for how underweight her own daughter appears. Offended my SIL took her daughter to the Doctor then complained to the whole family about the judgement she received.


Why has my SIL decided to make so many remarks about Oscar when she should understand how awful it feels to be judged as an over/under feeder of your child? Why has she not learnt from a number of friends whose children seemed overweight as babies and then slimmed down when they started running around? When will the judgement by people like her, end? Should I say something? I know she will just deny it.


Most importantly for me, having today come back from the Doctor who has said Oscar is perfectly in the median of both the height and weight scales, when will I learn to trust in myself as a mother, doing the best job as I can, and stop listening to remarks by my SIL? One thing I have promised myself is that next time I'm surrounded by such mindless and malicious commentary, I will stand up for those being judged. We all love our children and do our best to ensure they are healthy and happy. That is all that matters.




Recent Entries

Search My Blog

 

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.