Jump to content





Photo
- - - - -

Buddha Baby

Posted by PClaud , 01 November 2012 · 406 views

When my three year old was born I did not know anything about parenthood. I thought I was lucky to have a sister in law (SIL), to share the experience with, as her little girl was born only 1 month apart from my Hannah.

My SIL actively discouraged me from joining a mother's group, suggesting it was just a forum for judgement as she had previously had a bad experience pregnant at the age of 20 when she found herself in a posh group of mums from the north shore.

Taking her advice, I didn't join one, and therefore had little opportunity to track my daughters progress through discussing what was normal with other mums. Maybe I did miss the potential downside of judgement, but I feel I definitely missed a greater opportunity to gain confidence from learning about shared experiences.

As Hannah grew up I roughly monitored her progress. She has always been extremely tall for her age and therefore never really chubby. When she got a bad chest infection at 7 months and lost a lot of weight, I remember feeling so happy that she had a little extra in case she had gotten sick and gained a bit of insight as to why babies often look so rotund.

In the meantime around the coffee table I heard my SIL nattering to her friends about one of their in laws whose son was apparently extremely overweight for his age (about 1). From what they were saying the boy was most likely overfed and the mother was terrible for not understanding this. I remember agreeing in my head that that must be the reason. I probably joined in the condemnation of this unknown mother.

Fast forward two years from that conversation and the boy has become a greyhound. When I see or hear of him I feel so guilty about ever thinking the mother was doing something wrong. I have just had my second child. A boy, Oscar, who has the largest most kissable cheeks on the planet and happiest demeanor. I consider him my reward for surviving three years with my fiercely independant and unstoppable daughter who exhausts me even though I adore and admire her.

When Oscar was born he didn't feed well and would stay on the boob for hours. In a matter of weeks he was diagnosed with an upper lip tie that was preventing him from feeding easily and giving him a small blister on the lip. We got it snipped and life for the both of us got a lot better. At about 4-5 months Oscar probably got slightly above average in the weight scale whereas he was only about 50% in the height for age chart.

At the time I did not care at all about this as I had been visiting one new mother friend of mine whose baby was so underweight at 8 weeks I thought I was visiting a newborn. I had never felt so frightened seeing the small child and I remember rushing home to smother kisses all over my plump large cheeked munchkin. I was worried for my friend but she had mentioned the baby was being monitored and was putting on weight albeit slowly. I didn't say anything at all because of course she was a dear friend and I just knew she was doing her best and their would be no benefit in worrying her any more than she already was.

In contrast another friend had been having an equally difficult time as her beautiful 9 month old was particularly large and she had felt pressured to go to the paediatrician to ensure everything was okay. As soon as they had sat down they were told to take their first world problems elsewhere as the Doctor has really sick children to see. Amazingly supportive as those comments were I know my friend has continued to worry and doubt whether she should be controlling her little ones calorie intake as she fit into size 3 outfits before her first birthday. All I know is her daughter had a very healthy appetite, ate healthy food and has a particularly tall father. Why my friend continued to receive criticism about her daughters weight even as I have noticed the girl losing a lot of the baby fat, is something I cannot answer.

My sister in law has been making remarks recently about Oscar's size. Every time I see her she will look at him and say something like "How is the little monster/isn't he huge..."
I find it really gets to me and I especially struggle to understand how she can say this when she herself has been getting a hard time from our Mother in Law (MIL) for how underweight her own daughter appears. Offended my SIL took her daughter to the Doctor then complained to the whole family about the judgement she received.


Why has my SIL decided to make so many remarks about Oscar when she should understand how awful it feels to be judged as an over/under feeder of your child? Why has she not learnt from a number of friends whose children seemed overweight as babies and then slimmed down when they started running around? When will the judgement by people like her, end? Should I say something? I know she will just deny it.


Most importantly for me, having today come back from the Doctor who has said Oscar is perfectly in the median of both the height and weight scales, when will I learn to trust in myself as a mother, doing the best job as I can, and stop listening to remarks by my SIL? One thing I have promised myself is that next time I'm surrounded by such mindless and malicious commentary, I will stand up for those being judged. We all love our children and do our best to ensure they are healthy and happy. That is all that matters.




Recent Entries

Search My Blog

 

Australia's top baby names of 2014

The numbers have been crunched and it's official: Australian parents are having a bit of an 'O' moment.

As a guilty mum: the best advice for treating head lice

Just like a horror movie ... THEY'RE BAAAAAACK. So what works in treating and avoiding head lice and nits?

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

Confirmed: Kate Middleton is in labour

The Duchess of Cambridge is in the early stages of labor at St Mary's Hospital.

Baby-led weaning worked for us

My baby wasn't interested in food - until we tried something new. Now she's eating it all, and it often comes from my plate.

Parenting an early walker

Watching your child take their first wobbly steps is one of the best parenting highs you'll ever experience. But with that high comes a new reality.

Overdue and over it

A watched womb never labours ... or at least mine didn't.

'Paralysed bride' becomes a mum

Rachelle Friedman Chapman was preparing to marry the man of her dreams when tragedy struck four years ago.

Why the royal baby will look more like Prince Philip than Prince William

No matter what the occasion the world always seems to be waiting for Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Surprise baby born on toilet

Discovering your wife has just given birth on the toilet would be a surprise for anyone. But the shock would be even greater if neither you or your partner knew you were expecting a baby.

5 spooky photos with babies and children

These five photos show some ghostly images - but are they real? Do you believe in the spirit world?

Does it matter how much time you spend with your children?

Does spending more time with your kids help their development? This is a more complex topic than it may seem.

Rare condition diagnosed during optional scan

A mother who opted for a 4D scan late in pregnancy discovered her unborn baby had a rare brain disorder.

Cleveland captives speak about their decade of terror - and their futures

"I think we were just tired of people talking, trying to tell our stories, and they had no idea, no clue, what we went through."

Proof it's impossible to not join in a toddler's laughter

They say laughter is the best medicine. If that's true Tom Fletcher and his son should live long, healthy lives.

How I really feel about my drug-free birth

Do I feel 'smug'? No. Nor do I feel remotely superior. Each birth was valid and valuable in its own right, producing, as it did, a healthy baby.

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

The Goss

Sonia Kruger: 'One baby is enough'

The popular TV host has no plans for a sibling for her new daughter Maggie.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Playtime guide:

A new area on our site for all your playtime and learning fun with baby - specially brought to you by Fisher-Price Play IQ?. PLUS your chance to win a year's supply of toys.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

How to play with your newborn

Even though they're immobile and can't speak, there are plenty of ways you can engage and communicate with your newborn to stimulate their physical, cognitive and emotional development.

Mum of six faked cancer to get donations, police claim

Elizabeth Edmonds' husband posted some devastating news on Facebook last year.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Cobie Smulders speaks about her battle with ovarian cancer

The 'How I Met Your Mother' star has revealed that she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 25 - and was told she'd never conceive naturally.

Essentials your child needs to grow

What does your baby need to grow up healthy? The experts give their advice.

Coroner warns of 'dangerous' cot

A UK coroner has warned of the dangers of a bedside cot after the death of a newborn baby who choked to death this month.

Building your baby's emotional and social skills through play

Babies are social beings who enjoy being around people they know and love, especially you.

Why suicide prevention is everybody's responsibility

Everyone agrees we need to do more to care for people at risk from suicide, the problem is what.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.