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Posted by Madline, 23/10/2012, 01:14 PM
This article was on EB and i just loved it and had to share it with you! Its strange that i say YES to all these test and feel i'd pass easily...Cant wait to be called 'Mummy' and have dried toast in my printer & Jam on my chairs....am i strange?
We know you can't truly prepare for parenthood until you're in charge of areal-life, small human being, but one list is trying to prepare expectantparents and clucky adults for the realities of life with a child.
Writtenby an unknown blogger, the '14 steps to follow before you have children'article has become a hit around the globe, posted on countless blogs andparenting sites.
Wenow share the hilarious list with Essential Baby readers - see if you canrelate to any of these points ...
Test1: Preparation
Women: To prepare for pregnancy
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
Men:To prepare for children
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter andtell the pharmacist to help himself.
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to theirhead office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
Test2: Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods ofdiscipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how theyhave allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they mightimprove their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners andoverall behaviour. Enjoy it; this will be the last time in your life that youwill have all the answers.
Test3: Nights
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighingapproximately 4-6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxioussound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.4. Set thealarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
*Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.
Test4: Dressing small children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout.
*Time Allowed: 5 minutes
Test5: Cars
1. Forget the BMW; buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave itthere.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test6: Going for a walk
1. Wait.
2. Go out the front door.
3. Come back in again.
4. Go out.
5. Come back in again.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least six questions about every piece ofused chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours comeout and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
*You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Test7: Conversations with children
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
Test8: Grocery shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find toa preschool child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have morethan one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
*Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Test9: Feeding a 1-year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into theswaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.
Test10: Entertainment
1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies andDisney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.
Test11: Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Coverthe stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor andproceed with step 5.
5. Drag random items from one room to another room and leave them there.
Test12: Long trips with toddlers
1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important notes: nomore than a 4-second delay between each 'Mummy'. Include occasional crescendoto the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
*You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Test13: Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve whileplaying the 'Mummy tape' listed above.
*You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a childin the room.
Test14: Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put one cup of lemon juice in it.
4. Stir.
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt.
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture.
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel.
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work.
Youare now ready to have children. ENJOY!
Posted by Madline, 10/10/2012, 10:51 AM
So there comes a time in everyones life and/or situation where they think they're pretty 'hard done by' and think their world is going to end!! Well for about 2 months - me going through all this 'drama' with Gyno's, Dr's, Fertility, Clomid, Provera etc. etc. - I have viewed this as my WORLD ENDING!!!
But - I come to realise that this may not be the WORST thing in the worls and that there are plenty of woman (and men) out there who are "harder done by" than me.
I have food on the table, I have a stable job, We've just purchased a house, I have a loving Hubby and two beautiful furbabies & the best family support as one could ever hope for...  When is the time for me to be THANKFUL for what I've got...?? What will it take for me to say THANKS?? A red Ferrari? 
I dont think I'm being Greedy by wanting MORE.....But i am kicking myself for not being THANKFUL for what i have. I dont have any life thretening disease - I have a little minny something wrong that can and will hopefully be easily fixed.
ME - I AM BLESSED!!  I feel blessed today and every day but sometimes have blinkers on and dont get to enjoy what it is I have because I'm always looking for MORE...
MORE will come ..... When i learn to be Thankful for today <3
"We give thanks to You, O God, we give thanks! For Your wondrous works declare that Your name is near" ... Psalm 75:1.
Posted by Madline, 07/10/2012, 09:01 AM
Exited, Annoyed & LAUGHING all at the same time...It IS possible!... and after the week I've had - It's SOOO good to be laughing!
EXITED:
AF Arrived 2 days early!!!  Very heavy  & full flowing AF This moring 7/10/12 = CD1. That means less waiting more ACTION!!  (If you know what I mean!!)
Will be taking 100mg of Clomid tomorrow night (less side effects at night) CD2 - 6, as well as Vitamin C Tablet. I'm still skepticle about the Vitamin C thing...But only time will tell.
Other things i'm trying (they cant hurt!)  :
* Taking Blackmores I-Folic (Iodine for baby brain development, Plus Folic Acid.)
* Taking a 'B-Vitamin' Complex Syrup (Mood Stabelizing, Energy etc.)
* Vitamin C (CD 2-6 while on Clomid)
* Grapefruit Juice (This is meant to create more EW Vaginal Mucus for Semen to easily swim through)
* DH is still taking Mens Multi-Vitamin which seems to be improving Energy Levels, Mood, tiredness, sex drive.
Hopefully all this will get us our  !!!! (Please!!!!)
ANNOYED: (But LAUGHING Secretly  )
Ok - Funny story. 
DH & I were going out for tea with Friends, we'd decided to do something spontanious as we'd both been a bit stressed and worn out lately. We hadnt been BD'ing in the past 3-4 days because waiting for AF/O...bla bla bla... **Insert Boring baby & fertility jargen here**
Soo.... We decided after tea, before we got home we'd stop off somewhere secret and do a bit of "Parking" .gif) (16 year old style - I KNOW!). (See above comment about Men's Multi-Vitamin increasing BD's Sex drive!)
 I've NEVER EVER EVER done ANYHING like this before, of course neither has DH, but it was HIS idea - I just went along with it at first, (Because i'm a good wife & because I 'had' to) but by the time we were leaving for tea I was exited!! And making babies seemed so far from my mind - we were BD'ing just because we love each other  (Corny!  But True!)
All was going to plan, we were having a wonderful night AND THEN: I went to the bathroom half was through tea to find AF had arrived! I was really trully disapointed! And as you can imagine - so was DH! We stayed at Tea longer than we once planned, went home to bed to sleep! 
Needless to say - I think DH will be CRAZY next week when AF stops & It's BD'ing time I Hope thats a good thing and its brings us a big fat at the end of the month!
To anyone reading - My advise to you is this: DO SOMETHING SPONTANIOUS WITH YOUR DH!!!! If your up for sharing like me - comment below! I'd LOVE to keep the laughter going.
PS: Will be laughing WITH you - Not AT you!
Posted by Madline, 04/10/2012, 04:27 PM
 For anyone who might be reading...I wanted to post an update.
OK so I'm currently on CD 55 (or something like that), I've stopped counting as i know this cycle is a waste! I've finished my 10 days of Provera with no major side effects which is good! Last time I have very bad Itchy rash on my legs like hives. Thankfully that by-passed me this time. 
Im currently taking I-Folic which i thought had no side effects, but for the past 2-3 days have been a little constipated (TMI) I've started taking Metamucil of a morning & starting to MAKE myself drink more water than usual. (i'm shocking!) Hopefully this helps.
After the Provera last month, it took 8 days until AF arrived, which, if this cycle is the same; AF is due on 8/10/12. 
Currently having really bad mood swings,  am extra tired and i have Extra Wet Vaginal Mucus. (TMI). Poor DH - I really need to get these moods under control. Someone suggested taking a B6 supliment - I'll be asking Dr. or Gyno next time i see him.
As for last Test Results  - I havnt gone back to Dr. to get them yet because Gyno already said to take Provera to start another cycle... I'll get them eventually, but they're irrelevant now anyway.
Hoping i Ovulate this month. I've been really diligent with writing stuff in the diary i brought, doing my Temp's and have even downloaded a "Fertility Friend" App to track my cycle! (Obsessive much!?)
Waiting game starts - only another 5 days (hopefully) before i start the YUCKY Clomid Tablets! Fingers crossed they work!!  a nice big fat By November would be REALLY nice!!!!
AFM: Moving in 4 weeks!! WOOHOO!!!
If anyone is reading - would love to hear your thoughts/comments etc... I do feel like i'm writting to the fairies LOL but if i am, thats ok too.
Baby Dust to you all anyway. xxx
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Will be doing some research as to how to do this properly. (any tips would be handy)
)
We decided to wait another month & see. Still 
on Are you ready to be Parents?