That Book

Yes I am talking about Fifty Shades of Grey.

I have been sucked in hook, line and sinker. I can't seam to get enough of reading about Christian and Ana.

But Why?

I have no idea. I would never normally read this type of book. I would never really sit and read a book from start to finish. I normally skip to the end to see what happens and I just can't let myself do it. It is on my phone so with me all the time. Just one more peek before I do the housework. It is hot. Mummy porn apparently! I had never heard that before. I am sure there will be a run of books now trying to cash in on the Fifty Shades fortune.

More books?

I have heard there is going to be a rewrite from Christians side. Hot? Yes. Wish they would hurry up and make them so I wont have to wait once I finish these ones.

Movie?

Not sure about this. It will either be a massive hit or a flop. It will really depend on the cast.

Real Life?

This book is in now way like my life in the past, present or future but it has got me thinking about things I have been through.

What a year

Is it wrong to be hoping for a better new year?
Life has thrown to many curve balls this year and I want out.

The year in a nutshell:

1. Thyroid shut down. Now on medication to control it.
2. Depression. Life was going down and down.
3. Cancer. Mum has finished her treatment and is going well. Lets hope we don't have to go through that again
4. I am Pregnant
5. Eptopic Pregnancy which ended up in infection and emergency surgery
6. I am now a business owner. YAY
7. I want my baby

Time to move forward

Well here I am writing about how I am feeling one thing I thought I would never do.

The last year has been full on and has taken its toll on me physically. Last year (2010) I was pregnant with my beautiful little boy. Just before my daughters 2nd birthday my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a conversation I was never expecting to have to have and never wanting to. As soon as my dad call I know something was wrong. I cried for hours after he left and was so scared for what the future had in store for my family.

The day mum had her surgery I ended up in hospital with my little guy wanting to come out and meet everyone early but he didn't and stayed put till his booked section date 2 weeks later.

Then watching mum go through chemo and radio was very hard. She lost all her hair as we were told she would. She ended up having to have many trips to hospital to have transfusions and through it all she kept a smile on her face. In many ways my mum coped better than most of us and she is a real hero.

Not long after my mum finished her treatment I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid. (I still believe this is connected to surgery I had 4 years ago when they removed a teratoma which was thyroid tissue but this is not yet been proven.) My thyroid went from under active to almost normal very quickly on Thyroxine and am on a low dose at this stage and is currently stable.

My most recent battle and one that has brought me here is depression. I have not been feeling myself and feel like a big black cloud is hanging over me at all times. I have two fantastic children and even I can't see that sometimes. Feeling alone and I as in me the real me has gone. I don't know where it has gone but it has. My doctor has been fantastic and is supporting me through this.

I guess that is a start and we will see where this adventure now takes me. Hoping writing might help me feel more human again.