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Posted by anytimecheerful, 06/12/2012, 03:19 PM
I had gone through a must do operation about 2 weeks ago. Lucky my parents were around to look after my 2 year old. Before I head off to the operation, I was still breastfeeding my 2 year old 5 times a day. Breastfeeding had to be put to a total halt because of the anesthetic. I thought my supply would dry up completely by the time I got home. To my surprise, it wasn't significantly reduced and not dried up completely. However, I was not allowed to breastfeed my DD anymore because my parents keep telling me continued breastfeeding would be bad for my DD. I should have read a bit more about this topic before I submit to parental pressure. Unfortunately I wasn't able to do so.
After stopping breastfeeding my DD, I had very severe emotional turbulence. Every time after I sent my DD away when she requested for a feed, I feel so sad and painful and tears keep coming down non-stop. Though everyone around is telling me how good it is that my DD no longer need breastfeed, I still feel very sad and painful. I guess it's the hormonal change to blame? I should have take a more gradual approach so it's less traumatic for me????
I really should have read more before making a decision. I should have listen to my heart desire to breastfeed my DD as long as she wants it. Now is all too late because there isn't much for her anymore. I feel sad for not able to fulfill her demand, as well as letting go of a special relationship. Now I am trying hard to teach myself that there are a lot of other things I can do with my DD other than breastfeeding. It's especially hard when I feel shattered within.
With or without breastfeeding, she's forever my most precious DD. End of breastfeeding is totally different from breaking up with DD. Just that fact is one thing but how I feel is another thing. I am allowing her to latch on three times a day and will reduce it gradually, and hopefully I can get over it in 3 weeks time.
Posted by anytimecheerful, 10/02/2011, 05:16 PM
I would surprised my depressed self a couple of months ago. I was in pretty bad shape, recovering from c-section, bad wrist injury, not enough milk, unsettled baby, controlling parents - I thought I was going to hand over my baby to my parents and live my own life again.
NO, that didn't happen because I got better physically and mentally over time, my body adjusted to tune in for my baby's need, I am getting better in handling the baby, and I have asked my parents to leave. Most importantly, I seek all the help I can get and took advantage of it. I was admitted to hospital to treat PND. With the help of numerous health care professionals, my husband and good friends, I got better slowly.
Now, I am able to enjoy the baby from time to time, though there are still occasions that baby cries for hours due to over-tiredness.
Giving her away? NO WAY! I would miss her if I don't see her. I start to love her I guess Consistent contact with the baby helped me to bond to the baby, such that I don't ever want to leave her. And she's been designed by nature to make sure mum will take good care of her.
Well, I am not much of a capable mum. But I do want to do a good job to make sure her basic needs are fulfilled, and her brains gets enough stimulation through play and going out.
I still feel ashamed of myself for not being able to cope back then. But the main thing is I must get better to continue with mylife with my precious little girl.
There will be a lot more challeneges ahead, but I am sure there is a way around it.
Posted by anytimecheerful, 31/10/2010, 02:03 PM
It's a bit over 2 weeks after the c/section. And I noticed that lochia has dried up and so the milk supply is diminishing. I am really concerned about insufficient milk supply because I don't want Asha to miss out from the antibodies and other goodies from breastmilk. I have been quite upset over this because I don't know if Asha would still take breastmilk when my supply increase because she already showing signs of preference for bottle feeding. For instance, she lost patience to continue sucking towards the end of the feed as the milk supply diminishes. I feel really sorry for Asha that my supply is not like squirting out from the bottle so it takes her quite a bit of effort to feed. I can see Asha have to catch up her breathing on every breast feed.
I have tried eating food and soup that claimed to boost breast milk production. And I have tried to keep breastfeeding as many times as possible though supply is not enough. But still, I find that it always takes up to 6 hours to replenish fully which means if I don't feed Asha with formula in between, she will be starved.
I will learn to be more patience and stay persistent with breastfeeding. I really don't want Asha to miss out from the goodies from breast milk.
My other concern would be the healing of my c/section wound. At this stage, the wound is still painful and I'm only 2.5 wks over the 6 wks mark (when most people recover). It does affect the extend that I interact with Asha as I still can bend without stressing the wound. I tried to pretend as if things are already normal but then the condition of the wound got worse and bleed again. So, I had to restrict my activity level and have more bed rest.
I am kind of worried about whether I can cope when my parents leave in mid November. But probably that's the best option for all of us. I'm not happy living with my parents long term as our habits are quite different. I am guessing I can accept 3 month as the maximum term to live with them. Then I will need a break.
I tried to explain to dad about why I don't like living with him and he's in disbelief since then. Even now, he still thinks it's because of depression issue that I am no longer close to him. However, the cruel truth is the ideal daughter has had in his mind has long gone just that he never want to admit/realise. No matter what he thinks, he would feel bad that I don't want to live with him. Perhaps he need to resort to the belief that he lost his daughter to depression such that it's less painful for him to accept since he consider me as his only life motivation for his post-surgeon life and post-divorce life.
To some extend, I think his smothering 'love' towards me is quite selfish as well because it's more about satisfying his desire to do what he thinks as best for me but never consider how I feel. What he does is more about he can assure himself that he has fulfilled a dad's duty rather than fulfilling what I need and want. Especially once I grew up, he still tried hard to keep his influence.
What dad wanted most now is to keep looking after me while he can. But that's is not what I want because he can't stop smothering me. He can't stay in his advisory role and he's not happy to (though he said he had). Due to inconcilable differences in fundamental value and belief in life, I won't be happy living with dad. And he will have a hard time accepting the 'me' that he doesn't understand. It would be better if we can live our separate life so we can stop bugging each other. And I can have a happier life when dad is only over the phone but not in my face everyday.
I will have to make sure I won't do the same to Asha. Once your child reach adulthood, your parental role will change from the guardian style to advisory style. You child may not always choose the 'best' option according to your standard, but as long as they are happy, willing to wear the consequence and you are ready to provide back up support, then your child has the right to experience life in the way he or she wanted.
Yet I am selfish that I have to sacrifice dad's happiness to get mine. However, he should be responsible to find his own happiness with or without me. It's not fair to put all the blame on me as well. As an adult, each one of us is responsible for finding our own happiness. If we happen to invest in one single person or aspect and nothing else, we are more likely to be unhappy. We only live once - why can't we make ourselves happy?
Posted by anytimecheerful, 27/10/2010, 02:42 PM
Little Asha is 2 wks old now. She still have the same problem after grandparents stopped feeding her mylanta before meal, and lay her down too soon after a big meal. Asha kept asking for more food when she's not feeling well - just like when I had stomach problem, I have to keep eating to stop the stomach upset feeling. I hope she's not getting that. There is something wrong with her as she had a full meal and nappy is still clean.
At the moment, I still couldn't satisfy all Asha's demand. Also, I am still trying to recover from the c/section. My wound was clean and dry until 3 days ago. A bit of blood came out through the wound and the wound became a bit swollen. The situation lasted more than 24 hours so I call my ob's clinic to enquire what I need to do. The ob had a look and said it's quite OK still, as long as the wound is not red and swollen and blood discharge not increasing. In simple words, just keep the wound clean and dry and wait for another 5.5 weeks for the wound to heal. (note: it takes 6 wks for wound to heal after c/section operation - for the 10 to 15 cm wound).
For the time being, I have to remember I am still recovering from the opeartion and should not be too tired. However, it also mean that I won't be able to feed Asha as many time as I would like to. I feel sorry for Asha that she's not able to have as much breast milk as she possibly could. And there is so little I can do to relief her from pain when she's not well. Therefore, I can't stop feeling I fail her as a mother.
On the side with my parents - mum is very understanding with the changes with me. I find that I can get along with my mum as she can respect me as an adult child and stop smothering me. However, my dad cannot comprehend my changes at all. In his mind, I am always this special daughter that enjoy his 360 degree all round protection.
I frankly told him that I see him as a man apart from my father and former surgeon. I felt extremely uncomfortable when he try to remove food derbris from my chest in public. All I am asking is "please treat me as your adult daughter" as I would feel uncomfortable and extremely embrassed when my private parts being touched by a man, though he's my father. I am fully aware that to him, I am always that special little girl of him and there is nothing sexual at all. However, I felt uncomfortable once I entered womanhood. I don't see why my request for him to be careful around me could upset him.
Dad doesn't understand his smothering of me over the years has contributed towards my psychological condition as well. From his perspective, he did all the think what a dutiful father should do. From my perspective, I can't wait to get out of the prison cell he made for me once I got my chance. Yes, I can now in charge of my own life as he might not be able to restrain me physically anymore. I should be free to come and go out of my own home as I please.
It's very sad that dad wants to give me all his 'love' but I am turning it away. However, this situation is largely due to his incapability to realise and accept the fact that I have grown up into someone else rather than his idealised version of 'special little girl' who loves dad most. Guess I am trying to justify my decision to chase my own happiness by sacrificing his. Sorry dad, but if you really loves me that much, you will understand one day when you see a happier version of me.
Posted by anytimecheerful, 23/10/2010, 11:30 AM
Asha is already 10 days old! She has gained 235 grams and grew 3 cm since returning home 5 days ago. So far, she has passed the hearing test, basic tests done by the pediatrician, and health assessment performed by home visit nurse. Thanks God everything is normal with her so far.
Home visit nurse was very throughout about introducing all the basic information of services available for new mums. Asha was very cooperative all the way. After the nurse left, she wee on dad and poo on me. It was so funny. Me and hubby bathed her for the first time. I probably didn't hold her properly so she was a little bit afraid when she's in bath. Hubby is really fabulous as he has taken in bulk of the information from the antenatal classes. He has been a great helper.
Though she still have reflux problem, the situation is getting better after she's taken mylanta before every meal and sit upright for at least 30 mins before letting her sleep.
Asha is still unable to sleep on her own. Therefore, someone got to hold her in a tilted position when she sleeps. So far she only have slept for a few hours in the cot on 2 occasions. The first time was when she was one week old.
I have been trying to take as many picture of Asha as I could because I would only see her at that age once in the life time.
Yesterday, I finally asked dad to return home with mum for her operation. Dad claimed that mum's operation is just as simple as receiving an injection. However, if I have to go through the same operation, he would see it as dangerous as well. No matter what he said, his priority has always been me instead of mum- which I consider this is some sort of sickness.
Dad's reaction to my request is crying very sadly. He wanted to offer help to me but I am declining it. The cold hard truth is I don't really need his help, even after Alex has returned to work. So I have told him that I will be returning to work early if he is staying here - as a hint to indicate that I am returning to work early because I don't want to spend so much time with him. I'd rather give up the opportunity to look after Asha rather than staying at home with him - sharing the responsibility to look after Asha. That's how much I don't want to spend time with him.
Ok, this made him happy but at the expense of my happiness. I really don't want to spend time with him because I simply don't enjoy it at all. It's such a pain for me to accept this arrangement. Why do I have to be the one to be unhappy??
I want dad to leave me alone to the extend that I rather give up Asha. I know this sounds horrible but I feel so much pain in having to live with him again. I don't want to be fathered by him anymore. I had that for more than 30 years and enough is enough.
Hubby of course would not agree with giving up Asha to force dad to leave. He think this might be a chance to educate dad how to be a dad of an adult woman. I doubt if he would ever change.
I felt like telling him all these facts about how I feel about having to live with him. He or mum might think one day, my feelings will change. But before my feeling has changed, I am in pain all the time and hoping time would fly so he can leave my home qucikly!
Am I a horrible daughter? But dad made his choice to devote all his efforts and energy in taking care of me, as if I'm his everything. I have never heard any other parents have done the same. But he got to realise that one day, I won't need him taking care of me anymore. Over the past 18 years, I have been living away from dad. I am really surprised he is still obsessed with the idea that 'he ought to provide the best care for me or else he failed to be a father'. I was hoping he would shift his centre of attention to mum but he didn't.
If he really trust me that I can manage on my own, he shouldn't have reacted the way he did. Hubby told me the reason that he's so sad about me rejecting his help is he really misses me a lot and wants to spend time with me. However, I really am unhappy when I am being forced to accept his 'help' and spend time with him.
I am really upset about the situation. How nice if I didn't have Asha. How nice if I can die so he can't continue to force me to accept things that I dislike.
I never mean i want dad to be completely out of my life. Why can't we just talk through the phone weekly and see each other once a year? I will be much happier that way.
Posted by anytimecheerful, 20/10/2010, 11:20 PM
Planned c/s happened on the 13th. Reported to the hospital about 10 minutes late but it was all fine. One of my fear happened - all priveate rooms were full and I would be staying in the public ward until a private room became available.
Though I was smiling and 'appear' confident when preparing for the opration, I was really scared about the epidural because I always had general in all previous operation. I thought I was going to have epidural, but then the anaesthetist recommended spinal anaesthetic. This suggestion is even more scary to me (as heard about what went wrong with people doing spinal). I agreed to do spinal because I always believe professionals tend to recommend what they do best.
The anaesthetic process started with iv injection. I was fainting a bit and shaking uncontrollably once the iv is set up. I don't know if it's due to the effect of fasting, the effect of medication, or the coldness in the theatre, etc... It took me quite a while to settle down. From what I've read, there's suppose to be local anaesthetic prior to the actual spinal injection. However, I felt there was only one needle instead of 2. Comparing spinal and general, I think general anaesthetic is a lot more comfortable.
As I didn't have a good sleep prior to the opeartion, I was only half conscious when I was under spinal anesthetic. As hubby was not allowed in when the spinal anesthetic is performed, I was really afraid. Being able to see hubby in the theatre is really the type of support I needed. Nevertheless, a lot of good and bad possibilities went through my mind. All I was hoping was the baby will be healthy.
Finally, I heard one crying sound, then followed by a few other crying sound. From TV, newborn often cry continously when it's first born. Having heard those isolated crying sound made me worried. Not long after, the doctor showed me the baby and I was really relieved. And finally, I was able to meet this little person whom I've carried for the past 9 months.
After taking a few pictures, hubby and baby left for weighting and paper works while doctors continued to sew me up. I felt it doesn't matter if I die at that point as long as the baby is doing well.
Time in the recovery room past very slowly. I was thinking about the baby. While in recovery, one of the midwife took the baby to me so I could have my first skin to skin contact with the baby. Though it's a new born, it was looking for a feed when it was crawling on my chest. It took a few trial and errors to start breastfeeding. The first pressie I got from my baby was sore nipple.
Getting out of the theatre, I saw mum standing there. I was able to tell her I'm alright so they can go home and I can get some rest in the ward. Bedding arrangement wasn't sorted out until afternoon. Therefore, hubby wasn't allowed to stay with me between the shut down period.
Baby was an angel during day time, but it became very unsettled at night. I really don't know what I have done wrong that baby's crying all night. As I was still recovering from the operation, I have to rely on hubby on most of the non-feeding tasks. At times, hubby still have to help out with the feeding process. I am really glad to have hubby to look after me.
Everything happened on day 0 felt so unreal as I was not very conscious for most part of the day. However, I can tell myself that I'm a mum now every time I see my baby
Posted by anytimecheerful, 20/10/2010, 04:30 AM
The night of day zero was absolutely a sleepless night. Baby has very small and frequent meal - she practically fell asleep after a few minutes in every feed. What we didn't expect is, we fed her and changed her nappies. But somehow she kept crying all night. I was worried she might have suffered from some sort of sickness. I was hoping the ped visit on the following day could solve the puzzle.
Baby was finally asleep arounnd mid morning of Day 1 (Thursday). During the day, she wasn't crying that much and was able to settle after feed or nappie change. Looking at the amount of wee and poo, she seems to be having enough food. Judging from how she react during day 1, I was hoping she would be more settled during the night. Tracey, the midwife who looked after me helped me to shower while hubby keeping an eye on the baby.
It was disappointing that the ped didn't visit as he said he would, because I was really concerned if the baby was ill. I have no idea what I have done wrong that could have caused my baby that much suffering. I was pretty much in tears when I was talking to the night shift midwife, Sandie, about baby's problem. The midwife told me that it could be because forcept was used during the c/s so baby was traumatised and felt insecure.
The night of day 1 was another nightmare. It was really a big challenege for me as I was still recovering from the c/s, breast feed the baby and tried to assist with nappie change. However, baby cried regardless. While me and hubby were thinking this would be a repeat of the previous night, a midwife came in and offered to look after the baby for a while so we can catch up with some sleep. And we did. It was nice to be able to catch up with some sleep but I really felt sorry for my baby because she came back crying like a red hot potato. I suspected she might have developed a fever. Besides, I was very uncomfortable seeing one of the midwives shaking the baby when trying to burp her. I told myself I would do anything to stop her being taken away from me again. I felt really guilty for sleeping instead of holding baby in my arms or feed her a few more times to provide some sort of comfort to her. If I choose not to sleep, my baby won't have to suffer from what she's been through.
On day 2 (Friday), both myself and my husband were already very out of shape due to lack of sleep. Hubby said he saw Sandie wrote on the report that I was very upset. What she wrote was absolutely correct because looking at one's own child crying like that and you have done all you could have, I believe a lot of people would feel very upset as well.
The pediatrician finally turned up. He suggested top up of 30 ml of formula as baby has signs of dehydration. Personally, I don't mind feeding the baby with formula as long as baby still take breast milk which provides a lot of anti-bodies. It appears that baby appeared a lot more settled. It could be due to the fact that it's developed a slight fever upon her return, or she had additional formula supply. We thought we might have a less hectic night - wrong - baby was still very un-settled once its fever has gone.
Day 3 (Sat). I was really upset in the morning because I don't know how can I relief my baby from the suffering she't gone through. The pediatrician might notice and told someone because one of the midwives came talk to me, assuring me the baby is OK and will get better over time.
In the afternoon, I got visitors from work. One of them arrived when I have to feed the baby. Ended up have to ask the visitor to return 30 minutes later. I almost burst into tears when I thought of how helpless my baby is as I have no idea how to relief her from the stress and pain she's suffering. I was seriously thinking about staying at the hospital for another night to make sure we can identify what went wrong with the baby.
On the night of day 3, we were trying to feed the baby with larger meal hopeing she might be more settled at night, such that the midwife won't bother to take baby away from us. Our plan was not very successful as the midwife accidentally pour my hand expressed breast milk away. I was very unhappy because it took a long time for me to collect that amount of milk (no matter how small the amout would be). Anyway, I was glad that baby wasn't taken away from us that night (note: when baby's taken away, it's literally being placed in the naughty corner and left it there to cry as much as they like and came back dehydrated and upset).
Hubby was determined to go home on Monday because we weren't able to test with different feeding arrangement with baby. Besides, if the problem is having an unsettled baby, the grandparents at home would gladly hold baby in arms at night time and solve the problem. Our only worry would be baby has some mysterious physical illness.
Day 4 (Sun). I was a bit reluctant to go home because it means I have to face my father again - who is so good at forcing me to accept things I am not happy with. My unsettled baby stressed me out, pain from my c/s wound stressed me out, no time to rest to speed up recovery stressed me out, knowing I'd have to deal with my father again also stressed me out.
It was really stressful.
Posted by anytimecheerful, 11/10/2010, 09:57 PM
Tomorrow will be the day for the operation. It means if everything goes well, I will be meeting this baby I've been carrying over the past 9 months. I wonder what does this baby looks like, I wonder if this will be a boy or a girl, I wonder if it's going to be healthy, I wonder what sort of temperment this baby will have. I am hoping to find out all these.
Thinking about the baby, I really feel a bit guilty because I should have loved this baby more. At this stage, I am still very much looking forward to the days when my parents take over looking after the baby. Then I can have my life with my hubby again. This really makes me wonder how much do I want to have my own baby. Sometimes I wonder if my life will be happier without the baby or not.
I am still having trouble spending too much time with my parents. My dad said I've changed in such a way that as if I became a total different person. He thought it's all about my pregnancy. However, the truth is, I need my own universe with my hubby but no one else. Even when parents are not doing or saying anything, I still find it very uncomfortable to see my parents everyday I wake up and every night before I sleep. I wonder if this sort of feeling is difficult for parents to understand.
Do I need to tell my parents about this so they won't have the expectation to live with me in long run? I really don't know.
Anyway, hope things will all be fine tomorrow. Next time when I write another blog, I will have my baby outside my body. Will I have time to write another blog? I hope so.
Entries in September 2010
Posted by anytimecheerful, 29/09/2010, 06:07 PM
Base on the lastest ultrasound report, pregnancy week increase by one week on every Sat. However, base on the previous ultrasound report, pregnancy week increase by one week on every Thursday. I have no idea which one I should base on.
Anyway, another obs check up indicates everything's progressing normally - so it's all good. 2 more weeks from now, I will be able to meet my baby in person. I am really getting a bit nervous now and I kept wondering what would my life be if I didn't fall pregnant. Whatever life it could have been, I just hope the baby will be healthy. Well, I suppose the baby is still in good health as it's moving around every few hours.
I really don't want to see or talk to my parents today because I have been worrying about Alex, though I know I can't help him.
It's not my parents' fault to be here and wanting to keep me company and help me. But the fact is, I am happier without parents' companion. Besides, I can see dad is really getting old, clumpsy and forgetful to the extend that I think he needs to be taken care of by my mum.
To parents, I'm always part of their core family but to me, my parents are now in my extended family zone rather than in my core family zone. And they never really let go of the little girl version of me which no longer exist. I can't pretend I am still the little girl in their mind.
As they still have high hope that I will be living with them in long run, I will have to carefully explain to them how I feel and what my preferences are. However, saying anything now would be treated as me having emotional problem only.
I am counting down on the days that my parents will return to their own home. Everytime I think of this, I feel not as bad. It's really tiring that I have to entertain them because they are transparent at this stage. One huge improvement at this stage is I can finally spend time with Alex without them following us all the time. I hope they can eventually understand Alex and me are not 2 kids to be looked after by them, we are adults who may need help at times instead. Just like we have to repeatedly teach the parents how to operate the various appliances correctly.
In some sense, I am quite ashamed of myself that I have to deal with these parental issues as if I'm still a teenage. But the fact is, I'm almost 40 - just that I got parents who smother me all my life and I didn't do much to rectify the issue as I didn't want to hurt parents' feeling.
Posted by anytimecheerful, 25/09/2010, 10:09 AM
Things have been overwhelming lately, since parents' will be staying with us for 7 months. Pre-admission questionnaire indicated depression. True that I had been on the edge on numerous occasions, thoughts of self-harm and blaming on the innocent baby also on the rise. Sometimes really feel like giving birth to the baby and then surrender it to my parents, and then ask them to leave me and my hubby alone. How I felt definitely made me like the baby less because parents won't come live with us to 'help' if I didn't fall pregnant. Then I would still have a peaceful life. But it's not fair to the baby for me to think like that.
I went to see my Psychologist. Rewinding back one and a half year ago, I was not happy because I was given the question whether to please my parents (by living with them) or to please myself (by not living with parents). There is no middle ground for my parents because to them, not agreeing to live with them under the same roof is indication of distant and treating them as outsider. Back then, I was blaming myself about not being able to make the decision to make my parents happy.
Now, it's only been a month since they 'lived' here. I found that I can't cope at all. I found that I can no longer be the same daughter they had in mind. I had been living on my own for 18 years already. I have grew up and changed. I am not saying I don't need them anymore or don't love them anymore, just in different ways which deviate from their 'ideologies'. It's partly my fault that I had always tried hard to please them so they probably don't realise changes in me. At the same time, when they see changes in me, they would account it to emotional problem on my part. They always come up with self-fulfilling prophecy to explain changes in my attitude or behaviour. I wonder if it is really that hard for parents to accept that their child has grown up and there's time that they have to let go of their parental power over their children? I hope I will never do the same to my child.
What I can do for myself now is try to create some breathing space for myself - explicitly asking parents not to follow me around all the time. Yes I am pregnant but I won't get hit by a bus when I go out on my own just because they are not around to protect me. Besides, things will happen if it's meant to be. Not needing any help from them to take a shower or get change is because I am fully capable of doing it myself. (Parents are afraid I might slip / fall when doing these basic tasks) Besides, I feel more comfortable if my husband help me with such tasks if such need arise. The effect of being cared for by parents 24/7 made me reluctant to go out of my own room even when I'm hungry or thirsty, just because I simply doesn't want to see them. However, this would hurt my parents because denying their requests will be seen as rejecting their help, love, and protection.
After speaking to the midwives and the psychologist, I got the feeling that I am not over-reacting that much as my parents said. And it's not just something entirely accounted for due to pregnancy. I know my parents have done all these out of love but smothering me is just killing my sanity. So I need to put a stop to it, not by escaping from life but to act on the problem while I am alive.
Thinking through what doesn't work, the first step would be trying to get some independence back - like the right to go out on my own, the right to choose what to read / watch and listen, the right to go out with my hubby to spend time on our own without parents following us.
Eventually, I will have to be honest with the way I feel - I can't bear living with them in long term.
It's going to be hard, but there should be ways to achieve it. I need to be happy to be a functional person. If I become dysfunctional, I won't be able to look after my aging parents in the future. Looking after them doesn't necessarily mean I have to live with them.
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