Jump to content

- - - - -

Moving on

Posted by MichelleM , 19 February 2012 · 386 views

Gutted, empty, helpless is how I feel about now.  I have no money, I have no certainty about my living arrangements, I don't feel rock bottom yet but I am dangling close and trying desperately not to get there by keeping a smile on my face and just "getting on with it".  Except inside I'm not getting on with it, I haven't got on with it since this while mess started almost 2 years ago.

I've been alone for 7 months now.  Things have happened, mixed messages have been received and my (****ing MY) olive branch was thrown back in my face but despite that I still held out hope we could be a family again, even up until yesterday.  

It seems though that the lure of a younger model is too great and without any regard for my feelings it was broadcast quite publically that he has moved on and found someone new.  When I say that it was a kick in the guts I almost mean literally, well that’s what it felt like when the photo popped up for all to see without warning.  I feel sick, I can’t sleep and I feel jumpy although my body feels like all of its energy has been drained out.

My friends have been great, through everything they have been great, supportive of however I have been feeling and the plans I was making.  Never once had they said a bad thing about him as they knew I didn’t want to hear it.  Even after yesterday when they could have just blown up they didn't although I doubt he and I have mutual friends any more.

As much as I want to cry and scream I just can't.  I feel angry but more so lost and so sad.  All of my plans for the future gone, my dreams of travelling with him, exploring places I know he's wanted to go gone, sharing all of the amazing moments of the kids gone.  At this point I can't imagine any future.

God I sound like a loser.  As much as is looks like he has sent very to the point messages about where our marriage was headed he didn't.  Days before Christmas he said that he wanted to move back in and to be a family again.  Quite obviously he was too gutless to just say it - you and me are over.  I don't love you any more, you are not what you once were, I have found someone better.

He's been O/S with her (well I assume with her, he was quite adamant that this trip was all work and he would not be seeing her but it was lies, all lies) for the past 3 weeks.  He is due to arrive back in Aus next week but I'm not banking on it.  If it were just me I would be happier if he just stayed there, I truly don't want to see him again.  He is not the man I fell in love with and married, he is a stranger to me.  But the heartbreak I would live with the kids would be more than I could bare.  As it is Scarlett has been crying for him all day and I know the other two miss him terribly.  For their sakes he had better come back.

So now all the worries that I have pushed aside have come rushing back, I will never hug or wake up with or crack a joke with him again.  I will have to sell the house and possibly never own another home in my life.  I will have watch every single dollar that comes into my life and the pressure to build up my business is enough for me to let it die and get a regular 9 to 5 job.  Every Christmas, birthday and other special occasion will be up to me to make fantastic while I die more inside.  It truly does mean the end of life as I knew it.  

But now I will put that smile back on my face, show my kids that life is peachy and that they will always be loved and cared for, show my friends that need not worry about me or add extra stress to their lives and figure out how one does this moving on business.  

Feb 22 2012 01:30 PM
MIchelle I am new to this site and yours is the first blog I have read. I am so sad for you. Are you OK?
  • Report
Sending hugs Michelle. I 'm so sorry this is happening. You are a strong woman even though you don't think so at times. I know you will be happy again. xoxo
  • Report
Thank you guys xx  All good, I will carry on, just need to find out how after 15 years to do this.  People do though and survive, I will too.
  • Report
Hi Michelle,

I'am so sorry to hear about your circumstances, just know at the end of the day you are the better person who did everything you could to save the marriage.

It's unfortunate the hand life deals us but for you to have the strength to talk about this and let people like myself hear your story who can either relate or even make others appreciate what they have, is very courageous. Thankyou. . .

I was having a bad day the other day and found this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ9_dFU33E4...feature=related

it defiently made me laugh, hope it does the same for you!

  • Report

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Search My Blog


The device that allows you to bottle feed and use your phone at the same time

"It dawned on me that I could do some catch-up work while he fed, but I needed something to help me hold a bottle and my smartphone."

Mum posts photo of c-section scar to prove she gave birth

A new mum angered by people suggesting women who deliver their babies via caesarean section have not "given birth" has challenged that misconception by sharing a photograph of her scar.

Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis welcome daughter

Actress Olivia Wilde and her fiance Jason Sudeikis are parents again.

Nurse cuts off part of newborn's finger

A newborn baby is without the tip of one finger after a nurse accidentally cut it off with scissors.

See the new Thomas & Friends clothing range for girls

It's a long overdue move for kids and parents alike.

Finally, someone's come up with a way to stop doona thieves

If you've ever shared a bed with a dyed-in-the-wool doona stealer you'll know how frustrating it can be.

Family rituals to make mealtimes easier: mums share their tips

Special rituals, as well as favourite cutlery and plates, can make dinner times less challenging and a lot more fun!

Toddler pours entire bag of dog biscuits down the toilet

Most mums of toddlers have a funny horror story about the time they turned their back for 30 seconds only to find mayhem on their return.

Surgeons successfully separate 13-month-old twins conjoined at head

Surgeons at a New York City hospital have separated a pair of 13-month-old boys who were congenitally joined at the head, completing a rare operation that carried a risk of death and severe brain damage, their mother said.

'Do I call the parents or an exorcist?'

Babies can sometimes get themselves into unusual positions while sleeping, but this youngster has the makings of an acrobat.

The complicated grief of losing your babies

In the park near our house my partner and I have a bench. We paid to have it put there last year after our twin boys Fred and John died.

How the way you’re born and fed can affect your immune system

Vaginal or caesarean, bottle- or breastfed: it all influences our gut microbes and future health.

Depression made me a crummy friend - but I'm working on it

Getting well and falling in love with my son has brought a feeling words simply can't describe. But I didn't expect it to be a little heartbreaking, too.

Mountain Buggy Bagrider makes travel so much easier with baby

Haven't we all needed more hands when travelling with babies and toddlers?

'I look like a troll!': mum shares postpartum hair regrowth woes

Rather than hiding her postpartum hair regrowth, author Giovana Fletcher has photographed and shared it.

A police officer saved a baby's life, forever changing his own

With his bald head, light goatee and bulging arms covered in dark tattoos, Officer Kenneth Knox is an imposing figure.

The tandem breastfeeding photo that got a mum's Facebook account shut down

A mother of six from the US claims that Facebook disabled her account because she posted a photograph of herself tandem breastfeeding a stranger's baby along with her own.


Top 5 Articles


What's hot on EB

Win a Hawaii beachfront resort holiday for two!

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 4 trips for two to Hawaii, staying at Outrigger resorts in Waikiki.


Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.