Jump to content





Photo
- - - - -

Moving on

Posted by MichelleM , 19 February 2012 · 452 views

Gutted, empty, helpless is how I feel about now.  I have no money, I have no certainty about my living arrangements, I don't feel rock bottom yet but I am dangling close and trying desperately not to get there by keeping a smile on my face and just "getting on with it".  Except inside I'm not getting on with it, I haven't got on with it since this while mess started almost 2 years ago.

I've been alone for 7 months now.  Things have happened, mixed messages have been received and my (****ing MY) olive branch was thrown back in my face but despite that I still held out hope we could be a family again, even up until yesterday.  

It seems though that the lure of a younger model is too great and without any regard for my feelings it was broadcast quite publically that he has moved on and found someone new.  When I say that it was a kick in the guts I almost mean literally, well that’s what it felt like when the photo popped up for all to see without warning.  I feel sick, I can’t sleep and I feel jumpy although my body feels like all of its energy has been drained out.

My friends have been great, through everything they have been great, supportive of however I have been feeling and the plans I was making.  Never once had they said a bad thing about him as they knew I didn’t want to hear it.  Even after yesterday when they could have just blown up they didn't although I doubt he and I have mutual friends any more.

As much as I want to cry and scream I just can't.  I feel angry but more so lost and so sad.  All of my plans for the future gone, my dreams of travelling with him, exploring places I know he's wanted to go gone, sharing all of the amazing moments of the kids gone.  At this point I can't imagine any future.

God I sound like a loser.  As much as is looks like he has sent very to the point messages about where our marriage was headed he didn't.  Days before Christmas he said that he wanted to move back in and to be a family again.  Quite obviously he was too gutless to just say it - you and me are over.  I don't love you any more, you are not what you once were, I have found someone better.

He's been O/S with her (well I assume with her, he was quite adamant that this trip was all work and he would not be seeing her but it was lies, all lies) for the past 3 weeks.  He is due to arrive back in Aus next week but I'm not banking on it.  If it were just me I would be happier if he just stayed there, I truly don't want to see him again.  He is not the man I fell in love with and married, he is a stranger to me.  But the heartbreak I would live with the kids would be more than I could bare.  As it is Scarlett has been crying for him all day and I know the other two miss him terribly.  For their sakes he had better come back.

So now all the worries that I have pushed aside have come rushing back, I will never hug or wake up with or crack a joke with him again.  I will have to sell the house and possibly never own another home in my life.  I will have watch every single dollar that comes into my life and the pressure to build up my business is enough for me to let it die and get a regular 9 to 5 job.  Every Christmas, birthday and other special occasion will be up to me to make fantastic while I die more inside.  It truly does mean the end of life as I knew it.  

But now I will put that smile back on my face, show my kids that life is peachy and that they will always be loved and cared for, show my friends that need not worry about me or add extra stress to their lives and figure out how one does this moving on business.  






AdventureBox
Feb 22 2012 01:30 PM
MIchelle I am new to this site and yours is the first blog I have read. I am so sad for you. Are you OK?
  • Report
Sending hugs Michelle. I 'm so sorry this is happening. You are a strong woman even though you don't think so at times. I know you will be happy again. xoxo
  • Report
Thank you guys xx  All good, I will carry on, just need to find out how after 15 years to do this.  People do though and survive, I will too.
  • Report
Hi Michelle,

I'am so sorry to hear about your circumstances, just know at the end of the day you are the better person who did everything you could to save the marriage.

It's unfortunate the hand life deals us but for you to have the strength to talk about this and let people like myself hear your story who can either relate or even make others appreciate what they have, is very courageous. Thankyou. . .

I was having a bad day the other day and found this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ9_dFU33E4...feature=related

it defiently made me laugh, hope it does the same for you!

  • Report

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Search My Blog

 

Chrissy Teigen's pride about daughter's adorable first word

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend have celebrated their 11-month-old baby Luna's first word with an adorable Instagram post.

The photo that sums up how dads REALLY feel during labour

A new mum shared a hilarious photo of her partner during labour that lots of dads will relate to.

You can never hold your baby too much, says study

From the world of super obvious science comes the news that you can never hold your baby too much.

Babies called Romeo and Juliet born hours apart in the same hospital

Two mums gave birth in adjoining hospital rooms a few hours apart. They had never met, and had each chosen their baby's name earlier in the pregnancy.

Mum organises 'nurse-in' protest at IKEA

It's hard to believe than in 2017 mums are still receiving flak for breastfeeding in public, but that's what one US mum claims happened in IKEA.

Will 'How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids' be a best-seller?

Author Jancee Dunn hopes her new book will help mums deal with the stresses that parenthood can place on an otherwise happy relationship.

The dad who was taunted for taking paternity leave

They imagined that while I was away, I would be glued to the couch, beer in hand. In no way would I actually be helping my wife.

Photographer surprises couple with rainbow baby shoot

The prettiest and most unexpected maternity shoot for a much-wanted rainbow baby.

Mum's funny solution for finding 'me time' with a toddler in tow

If you've ever been in possession of a toddler, you'll know that it's next to impossible to get anything done.

Qualities my three-year-old has that I admire

My three-year-old daughter is one of the strongest little women that I know. As I watch her grow into this amazing person, I can't help but feel accomplished and proud.

'You need to be present': John Legend on supporting a partner with PND

Singer John Legend has opened up about supporting wife Chrissy Teigen through postnatal depression.

The seven types of 'parent sleep'

The question, "Did you sleep well last night?" should be easy to answer. Either a yes (if you're lucky), or a no.

'Anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks'

Tammin Sursok has written an essay sharing her personal experience with postnatal anxiety.

11 things to do to protect your mental health while breastfeeding

Whether breastfeeding is going well or you are finding it harder than you expected, taking care of you needs to be a priority.

Couple announces they're both expecting - three weeks apart

Being pregnant at the same time as your best friend means double the excitement.

Why Dax Shepard was 'impressed' when his daughter swore for the first time

Actor and comedian, Dax Shepard has given a hilarious recap of the lengths he'll go to get, and keep, his kids asleep.

Video captures beautiful breech caesarean birth

A new life is brought gently into the world with tender and expert hands.

Mum warns of vacuum danger after toddler injured

Every parent knows toddlers can move fast, now one mum is warning about the dangers of allowing small children anywhere near vacuum cleaners.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Win 1 of 10 awesome Peppa Pig prize packs

Who loves Peppa? We have 10 packs to give away - including family passes to see the brand new movie, in cinemas March 16!

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

28th - 30th April, 2017, Melbourne Royal Exhibition Building, Carlton. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

28th - 30th April, 2017, Melbourne Royal Exhibition Building, Carlton. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.