Jump to content





Photo
- - - - -

Moving on

Posted by MichelleM , 19 February 2012 · 153 views

Gutted, empty, helpless is how I feel about now.  I have no money, I have no certainty about my living arrangements, I don't feel rock bottom yet but I am dangling close and trying desperately not to get there by keeping a smile on my face and just "getting on with it".  Except inside I'm not getting on with it, I haven't got on with it since this while mess started almost 2 years ago.

I've been alone for 7 months now.  Things have happened, mixed messages have been received and my (****ing MY) olive branch was thrown back in my face but despite that I still held out hope we could be a family again, even up until yesterday.  

It seems though that the lure of a younger model is too great and without any regard for my feelings it was broadcast quite publically that he has moved on and found someone new.  When I say that it was a kick in the guts I almost mean literally, well that’s what it felt like when the photo popped up for all to see without warning.  I feel sick, I can’t sleep and I feel jumpy although my body feels like all of its energy has been drained out.

My friends have been great, through everything they have been great, supportive of however I have been feeling and the plans I was making.  Never once had they said a bad thing about him as they knew I didn’t want to hear it.  Even after yesterday when they could have just blown up they didn't although I doubt he and I have mutual friends any more.

As much as I want to cry and scream I just can't.  I feel angry but more so lost and so sad.  All of my plans for the future gone, my dreams of travelling with him, exploring places I know he's wanted to go gone, sharing all of the amazing moments of the kids gone.  At this point I can't imagine any future.

God I sound like a loser.  As much as is looks like he has sent very to the point messages about where our marriage was headed he didn't.  Days before Christmas he said that he wanted to move back in and to be a family again.  Quite obviously he was too gutless to just say it - you and me are over.  I don't love you any more, you are not what you once were, I have found someone better.

He's been O/S with her (well I assume with her, he was quite adamant that this trip was all work and he would not be seeing her but it was lies, all lies) for the past 3 weeks.  He is due to arrive back in Aus next week but I'm not banking on it.  If it were just me I would be happier if he just stayed there, I truly don't want to see him again.  He is not the man I fell in love with and married, he is a stranger to me.  But the heartbreak I would live with the kids would be more than I could bare.  As it is Scarlett has been crying for him all day and I know the other two miss him terribly.  For their sakes he had better come back.

So now all the worries that I have pushed aside have come rushing back, I will never hug or wake up with or crack a joke with him again.  I will have to sell the house and possibly never own another home in my life.  I will have watch every single dollar that comes into my life and the pressure to build up my business is enough for me to let it die and get a regular 9 to 5 job.  Every Christmas, birthday and other special occasion will be up to me to make fantastic while I die more inside.  It truly does mean the end of life as I knew it.  

But now I will put that smile back on my face, show my kids that life is peachy and that they will always be loved and cared for, show my friends that need not worry about me or add extra stress to their lives and figure out how one does this moving on business.  






AdventureBox
Feb 22 2012 01:30 PM
MIchelle I am new to this site and yours is the first blog I have read. I am so sad for you. Are you OK?
  • Report
Sending hugs Michelle. I 'm so sorry this is happening. You are a strong woman even though you don't think so at times. I know you will be happy again. xoxo
  • Report
Thank you guys xx  All good, I will carry on, just need to find out how after 15 years to do this.  People do though and survive, I will too.
  • Report
Hi Michelle,

I'am so sorry to hear about your circumstances, just know at the end of the day you are the better person who did everything you could to save the marriage.

It's unfortunate the hand life deals us but for you to have the strength to talk about this and let people like myself hear your story who can either relate or even make others appreciate what they have, is very courageous. Thankyou. . .

I was having a bad day the other day and found this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ9_dFU33E4...feature=related

it defiently made me laugh, hope it does the same for you!

  • Report

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Search My Blog

 

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

My four months of breastfeeding madness

You imagine that everyone is thinking badly of you, and you tell yourself you have to keep trying. Even though you are in an impossible situation, you still won't give yourself a break.

Little girl's foul-mouthed ice bucket challenge viewed by millions

It starts out innocently enough, but soon Scarlett-Rose Davis is letting loose with an emphatic swearword.

Australian push for compensated surrogacy

A team of Australia fertility experts has advocated legalising commercial surrogacy.

Clever panda fakes pregnancy

News that a giant panda was pregnant prompted much excitement, but it appears there were never any cubs on the way.

'I survived placenta percreta'

When writing her birth plan, Simone Pavil included an item most women wouldn?t even think about: what should happen if she was put on life support. The mum had the potentially fatal condition placenta accreta.

Managing personal space as a mum

In the midst of the early parenting years, our bodies and minds can seemingly be overtaken by our offspring. How can we balance our need for personal space with the needs of our children?

'If love could have saved you, you'd have never left'

The words "spontaneous abortion" on the hospital paperwork really got to me. My baby died; I didn't spontaneously decide to abort him.

15 classic Aussie ads

Watch some of the classic Australian ads of the 80s, 90s and 00s, and remember the catchphrases and jingles we all used to know so well ...

For and against

Should Blue Ivy have been at the VMAs?

Many were quick to condemn Beyonce and Jay Z after appearing on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards with their two-year-old daughter, but others thought it was a sweet family moment. What do you think?

Toddler attacked at gym creche

Two-year-old girl Eva Ness was left with a black eye and bite marks on her face and body after an altercation with an older child at a health club's child-minding facilities. Now her parents are calling for the centre to be closed.

Pregnancy a tricky matter of timing for FIFO couples

Manipulating rosters, coordinating 'conjugal' visits, working on site with your partner; getting pregnant can prove stressful for FIFO workers.

WIN a $100 RedBalloon for Dad

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 5 $100 RedBalloon experience vouchers. Helping you make Dad's Day EXTRA HAPPY.

Carseats have twice as many germs as a toilet

Most parents know their child's carseat is not always squeaky clean, but they might not realise just how dirty it really is.

Doctors remove foetus from 'medical marvel' after 36 years

Doctors in India have removed the skeleton of a foetus that had been inside a woman for 36 years.

Nine months in six seconds: new parents' Vine clip a hit

We?ve seen some memorable time-lapse pregnancy and birth announcement videos before. Now one new couple has taken it to the extreme, capturing it all in just a six-second Vine video.

Sonia Kruger speaks of baby joy

Celebrity mum-to-be Sonia Kruger has spoken candidly about using donor eggs and IVF to fall pregnant at age 48.

Dressing to not impress: life through the eyes of a three-year-old

When it comes to getting dressed, my three-year-old has only one criterion: ?I don?t want to look beautiful.? And now I've worked out why.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

WIN a $100 RedBalloon for Dad

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 5 $100 RedBalloon experience vouchers. Helping you make Dad's Day EXTRA HAPPY.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Going viral

Daycare death shows licensing need

A baby's tragic death in a family daycare centre has underlined a need for better licensing laws in the US.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.