Jump to content





Photo
- - - - -

Moving on

Posted by MichelleM , 19 February 2012 · 223 views

Gutted, empty, helpless is how I feel about now.  I have no money, I have no certainty about my living arrangements, I don't feel rock bottom yet but I am dangling close and trying desperately not to get there by keeping a smile on my face and just "getting on with it".  Except inside I'm not getting on with it, I haven't got on with it since this while mess started almost 2 years ago.

I've been alone for 7 months now.  Things have happened, mixed messages have been received and my (****ing MY) olive branch was thrown back in my face but despite that I still held out hope we could be a family again, even up until yesterday.  

It seems though that the lure of a younger model is too great and without any regard for my feelings it was broadcast quite publically that he has moved on and found someone new.  When I say that it was a kick in the guts I almost mean literally, well that’s what it felt like when the photo popped up for all to see without warning.  I feel sick, I can’t sleep and I feel jumpy although my body feels like all of its energy has been drained out.

My friends have been great, through everything they have been great, supportive of however I have been feeling and the plans I was making.  Never once had they said a bad thing about him as they knew I didn’t want to hear it.  Even after yesterday when they could have just blown up they didn't although I doubt he and I have mutual friends any more.

As much as I want to cry and scream I just can't.  I feel angry but more so lost and so sad.  All of my plans for the future gone, my dreams of travelling with him, exploring places I know he's wanted to go gone, sharing all of the amazing moments of the kids gone.  At this point I can't imagine any future.

God I sound like a loser.  As much as is looks like he has sent very to the point messages about where our marriage was headed he didn't.  Days before Christmas he said that he wanted to move back in and to be a family again.  Quite obviously he was too gutless to just say it - you and me are over.  I don't love you any more, you are not what you once were, I have found someone better.

He's been O/S with her (well I assume with her, he was quite adamant that this trip was all work and he would not be seeing her but it was lies, all lies) for the past 3 weeks.  He is due to arrive back in Aus next week but I'm not banking on it.  If it were just me I would be happier if he just stayed there, I truly don't want to see him again.  He is not the man I fell in love with and married, he is a stranger to me.  But the heartbreak I would live with the kids would be more than I could bare.  As it is Scarlett has been crying for him all day and I know the other two miss him terribly.  For their sakes he had better come back.

So now all the worries that I have pushed aside have come rushing back, I will never hug or wake up with or crack a joke with him again.  I will have to sell the house and possibly never own another home in my life.  I will have watch every single dollar that comes into my life and the pressure to build up my business is enough for me to let it die and get a regular 9 to 5 job.  Every Christmas, birthday and other special occasion will be up to me to make fantastic while I die more inside.  It truly does mean the end of life as I knew it.  

But now I will put that smile back on my face, show my kids that life is peachy and that they will always be loved and cared for, show my friends that need not worry about me or add extra stress to their lives and figure out how one does this moving on business.  






AdventureBox
Feb 22 2012 01:30 PM
MIchelle I am new to this site and yours is the first blog I have read. I am so sad for you. Are you OK?
  • Report
Sending hugs Michelle. I 'm so sorry this is happening. You are a strong woman even though you don't think so at times. I know you will be happy again. xoxo
  • Report
Thank you guys xx  All good, I will carry on, just need to find out how after 15 years to do this.  People do though and survive, I will too.
  • Report
Hi Michelle,

I'am so sorry to hear about your circumstances, just know at the end of the day you are the better person who did everything you could to save the marriage.

It's unfortunate the hand life deals us but for you to have the strength to talk about this and let people like myself hear your story who can either relate or even make others appreciate what they have, is very courageous. Thankyou. . .

I was having a bad day the other day and found this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ9_dFU33E4...feature=related

it defiently made me laugh, hope it does the same for you!

  • Report

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Search My Blog

 

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

When your partner doesn't want you to breastfeed

Dads can have many reasons for not wanting their partners to breastfeed their baby, but both parents should learn more about it before making a final decision.

Model mum Sarah Stage shares post-baby selfie

Most new mums would recoil at the thought, but Sarah Stage has shared a post-pregnancy selfie just four days after giving birth.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Last chance to win a year's supply of toys

You have less than a week left to win your child one of five Fisher-Price toy packs valued at over $600 each - hurry, enter today!

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.